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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invite and the mindfield.

202 replies

FirstTimePoll · 20/11/2019 22:57

Was hoping to create a poll.

Not giving any specifics as want to keep it vague.

Ultimately, my question is would you attend this wedding as C?

3 siblings. Sibling A getting married. Siblings B and C not married, both in relationships, neither live with their partners yet, neither relationship very long yet but both see futures/longevity. Sibling B has a history of shortish relationships. Sibling C has had 1 very long relationship previously. Sibling A has met both partners once due to logistics of life/distance. Sibling B's partner gets invited to the wedding. Sibling C told no +1. If you were sibling C, would you go or see it as a snub?

OP posts:
littleorangecat22 · 21/11/2019 00:35

Depends how close I was to A. I'd definitely see it as a snub, but I would go if I was close to A.

Purpleartichoke · 21/11/2019 00:35

Of course c should attend. C is not married or engaged or even living with the romantic interest. That is not a partner. Thus no invite is required.

BodenGate · 21/11/2019 00:37

C should be allowed to bring her partner (especially as B is)

StoppinBy · 21/11/2019 00:42

Hmm, if you are as rude to your sister as you are to people responding to your post I would think that the reason only you and not you plus partner is invited is because of your relationship with your sibling and not because she doesn't like your partner.

Yes I would go, no I would not be happy and I would question it if I were you.

LovePoppy · 21/11/2019 01:49

I’d find it odd
I’d obviously still attend

I might ask why it was done this way

DonPablo · 21/11/2019 01:53

Op is obvs A and has pissed her little sister right off!

GertiMJN · 21/11/2019 02:04

From the OP the descriptions of relationships are very similar neither relationship very long yet but both see futures/longevity

So if I were C I'd be pissed of that B's boy/girl friend was invited but not mine.

I'd ask A to clarify why, and then decide. I can't imagine not attending my sibling's wedding, but I can't imagine my siblings being that inconsitent and divisive in their invitations.

PocketsForMe · 21/11/2019 02:08

Are you the non invited partner?

blubelle7 · 21/11/2019 02:25

I would definitely go. Wouldn't really be that annoyed tbh about my partner not being invited as maybe sibling B has told A he/she has plans to propose/get married etc, especially if it was a short recent relationship. Maybe A has saved me from having to look back at their wedding photos with an ex (not that your relationship will end) and if we dont break up, he wasnt there because it was the early stages of our relationship- understood.

MsMellivora · 21/11/2019 02:42

If one has been dating for six months and one two weeks that would put a different spin on it all.

I personally think just siblings should have been invited or siblings both with plus one.

kateandme · 21/11/2019 03:00

im sorry i know everyone is different but when these threads come up i do shake my head in confusion.if this was my sibling id just say "why is sib allowed someone and im not" not nastily or problem causing just honestly asking my sibling.

RumerGodden · 21/11/2019 06:23

C goes.

When C gets married, don't invite A's partner, because "numbers"

Havaina · 21/11/2019 06:29

I would play the long game OP...go to the wedding (because you're clearly C) and then don't invite sib A's husband to your own wedding due to numbers Wink

CatUnderTheStairs · 21/11/2019 06:34

Of course you go to your sibling’s wedding. You wouldn’t not go because your fairly recent partner hadn’t been invited.

notnowmaybelater · 21/11/2019 06:42

It is a snub if both B sind C have an identical blood relationship to A, and B and C are in relationships of similar length and B gets a +1 but C doesn't, of course it is!

You have to attend your siblings' wedding really, but it's crap not to get a +1 especially if you don't know anyone else going solo. I'd certainly be leaving fairly early in that situation. Will you be stuck on the children's table or have you perhaps been earmarked to care for a grandparent who has extra needs and not been told? If you'd been asked to take responsibility for a frail grandparent you might well have been happy to, but not being given a plus one do you'll do it by default rather than being asked is shitty.

MaryShelley1818 · 21/11/2019 06:44

I’d attend the Wedding but I’d definitely be upset about being treated so differently (it wouldn’t bother me if both partners weren’t invited).
Is C’s invited to the evening?

PatchworkElmer · 21/11/2019 06:44

I would be upset, but I would still go. I would also consider asking why.

What’s the history here? Does A have form for this kind of behaviour?

MelissaCortezsPastry · 21/11/2019 07:03

Sibling C should get a +1 if B got a +1. It doesn't have to be a boyfriend/partner.

My older sister was already married when I got married, my lovely BIL accompanied her. My younger sister wasn't in a relationship and brought her best friend which was fab. Both my sisters were my bridesmaids too.

KatherineJaneway · 21/11/2019 07:03

I'd attend but be thinking ' No way is it about numbers' that B gets +1 and I do not.

eddielizzard · 21/11/2019 07:04

I think it's not great to exclude C's DP, but there must be more to it.

X0X0 · 21/11/2019 07:06

What happened when you asked why? Surely you did ask why

WaningGibbous · 21/11/2019 07:09

What's wrong with C's partner?

Obviously you've got to go anyway but it would leave a nasty taste, unless C's only been with their partner for about a week and when he met A he spent the evening being a total twat.

CatteStreet · 21/11/2019 07:09

'Hmm, if you are as rude to your sister as you are to people responding to your post I would think that the reason only you and not you plus partner is invited is because of your relationship with your sibling and not because she doesn't like your partner.'

This. Sorry, OP, but you have been pretty rude to a few posters.

If you're C, just ask, non-confrontationally.

LakieLady · 21/11/2019 07:13

I think A is being shitty, frankly. If I was C, I'd be inclined not to go.

Damntheman · 21/11/2019 07:13

Oh just go, this almost certainly has nothing to do with C or her partner. Numbers is a perfectly valid reason for this, friends above random partners always, this wedding is about the bride and groom and who they want around them! Don't take it personally. Just go and have fun :) I wouldn't be upset by this, or consider it a snub. I'd appreciate that my sibling maybe couldn't afford to invite all partners and I'd do my best to make their wedding as stress free as possible. Bride and Groom are likely getting stress from all sides already, they don't need yet more stress because C is upset about partner-nobody-knows not getting invited.