Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel angry when strangers touch my dd?

281 replies

IcingOnTheCake · 20/08/2007 10:17

My dd is 10mths and it's lovely when people say how cute and pretty she is but why do they feel the need to touch her? People touch her hands, arms and face and i really don't like it. I just want to push them away and shout 'don't touch my baby!', i wouldn't do that of course, i just stand there and feel angry.

It always happens in supermarkets, especially at the checkout. Am i just a grump or is it ok for me to not want strangers touching my dd?

OP posts:
littlelapin · 20/08/2007 16:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
IcingOnTheCake · 20/08/2007 16:23

MilkMonitor i agree with your post. Why is it such a big problem for certain people to be told not to touch children you don't know without asking first? It's not your right to go around touching people's children so don't do it unless the parent has said it is ok to do so.

Someone mentioned pregnant bellies too on this thread and how people feel it is their right to touch.

OP posts:
FioFio · 20/08/2007 16:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

morningpaper · 20/08/2007 16:27

I think it's a problem to stop them because then they will feel (1) accused (2) hurt (3) reprimanded and it will make them more likely to feel upset and angry when they see parents and young children which frankly, we need less of in this country IMO

I think that the GOOD that is done by relaxing and letting people take joy in our children by touching them and interacting with them is FAR FAR MORE IMPORTANT than upholding a few people's neuroses over germs and paedofiles.

Original poster
IcingOnTheCake · 20/08/2007 16:30

'we are repressed and obsessed by peederfiles I'm afraid - it's very sad'

As someone who has fallen victim of a peederfile not onece but twice, i have every reason to be wary and want to protect my dd so she doesn't go through any of the things i had to go through.

Peederfiles are not just the creepy man who lives on his own in a dark house and lurks around, he is the man you speak with all the time and seems as normal as they come and i know how their minds work and they will gain your trust because that's how they work.

If me being wary makes me sad then i can except that but lets hope none of your dc's ever fall victim.

OP posts:
itwasntme · 20/08/2007 16:33

I really don't have a problem with it, unless I really do not like the look of the person who is doing/wants to do the touching.

I agree that it is a very British thing. We do not like people touching us as a rule. I live in Spain and it is very different here, people have no hesitations in touching other peoples' babies or children.

In fact a Spanish friend here was telling me how sad she felt on a recent trip to the UK with her two-year old ds. She said that it was like people recoiled in horror when her ds got too close to people.

I remember laughing at SIL when a sweet old lady touched her 10-week old baby's hand. She was horrified and spent the next half hour practically disinfecting her baby with anti-bacterial wipes.

I think people can get a little OTT about human contact.

missgriss · 20/08/2007 16:33

Not read all this thread, but I don't mind people touching my dc, I just don't like people kissing them.

DH has been plagued with cold sores from an early age, almost certainly as a result of a well-meaning relative kissing him as a baby

MamaD · 20/08/2007 16:35

my dd (2.5) currently offers strangers 'bogies' whenever they talk to her - I've found they've have stopped trying to touch her since, wonder why lol?

(btw in Germany I had complete strangers try to take her out of her pram when she was first born - used to scare me to death. Once I moved back to UK the odd stranger ruffling her hair or whatever never bothered me a bit)

ll: There is an obvious homeless and sadly always drunk man that I used to see whenever I walked to my local shop with dd up till she was about 6 months. He always stopped me to talk and always peered into the pram at dd, blowing alcohol fumes all over her. He used to say lovely but slightly strange things about her ("she is as lovely as a princess with a puppy" ?) and I just used to smile and shudder inside, but never let my feelings show. He never tried to touch her however, even when she held her arms out to him.

I went back to work when dd was 6 months so my daily walks stopped. About 2 months later, on a weekend, I saw him again and he ran up to me and dd shouting something about thinking we had moved, or were avoiding him. I was actually scared and took a few steps backwards when he produced out of his backpack a gorgeous doll that he gave straight to dd.

My initial thought was 'what dump did he get that from?' but on closer inspection it was immaculate. I would love to know how/why he kept that doll so clean when he always looked so grubby. I never see him now and often wonder what happened.

morningpaper · 20/08/2007 16:36

Icing I am very sorry to hear that and can quite understand why someone who was sexually abused wouldn't want their children to interact with strangers

So to answer your original question, no you are not an angry grump, you are a victim of an abusive childhood, and your worries obviously stem from that - You have every right to let yourself feel angry and grumpy and not want them to do it

TBH I find your attitude in admitting that far more of a relief than the attitude of people who think your response should be normalised

littlelapin · 20/08/2007 16:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morningpaper · 20/08/2007 16:38

I love strangers grabbing my bump, especially men, because I never ever failed to reach over and start folding their bollocks when they did so, which ALMOST made it worth being pregnant

they only ever did it the once though

but I worked with about 500 men so got LOTS of handfuls of bollocks, I can tell you

itwasntme · 20/08/2007 16:41

Folding Bollocks???!!!

littlelapin · 20/08/2007 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
IcingOnTheCake · 20/08/2007 16:41

I never realised that before but i guess that's why i hate strangers touching my dd. I have learned something today so a big round of applause to me

OP posts:
littlelapin · 20/08/2007 16:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morningpaper · 20/08/2007 16:41

or if they came at me with both hands, I woud gently take their hands and place them on my breasts instead

littlelapin · 20/08/2007 16:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

morningpaper · 20/08/2007 16:43

lol icing

seriously, let yourself feel angry, it's a normal and proper response to your experience

folding, lol, VERY puppetry of the penis

I have a photo of myself on the stage during the Puppetry of the Penis show with my head between a chap's open thighs while he did a handstand against me

I needed a stiff drink afterwards, I can tell you

itwasntme · 20/08/2007 16:43

faints

Boco · 20/08/2007 16:43

MP is the only person i wouldn't allow to touch my child. Because of all the old testicle germs on her hands.

morningpaper · 20/08/2007 16:45
littlelapin · 20/08/2007 16:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Boco · 20/08/2007 16:45
Dabbles · 20/08/2007 18:18

(a fellow person who has baths n dettol... anyone remember that thread... more common than u think!)

madamez · 20/08/2007 18:24

It's another of these 'who'se feelings matter most' problems, really, isn't it? If you ask someone to go away or stop touching you/your child, then you're hurting their wickle feelings - but what about the feelings of the people who just don't LIKE being bothered by strangers - either in general of because on any given day we're in a rush or contagious or cross or upset.
I don't think that people, whether nice or nasty, have any kind of automatic right to engage with me or my DS if we want to be left alone.