Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel angry when strangers touch my dd?

281 replies

IcingOnTheCake · 20/08/2007 10:17

My dd is 10mths and it's lovely when people say how cute and pretty she is but why do they feel the need to touch her? People touch her hands, arms and face and i really don't like it. I just want to push them away and shout 'don't touch my baby!', i wouldn't do that of course, i just stand there and feel angry.

It always happens in supermarkets, especially at the checkout. Am i just a grump or is it ok for me to not want strangers touching my dd?

OP posts:
littlelapin · 20/08/2007 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mosschops30 · 20/08/2007 11:08

YANUBU. I hate this, its so wrong to randomly touch people, you wouldnt do it to an adult why do it to a child. It makes me shiver when people touch ds and I dont know them. A man held onto him in the surgery once and I said with great control 'please let go of him' in such a scary voice that everyone looked (dont know where it came from)

People dont ruffle strangers hair or stroke their face, youd end up with a slap. We should allow children the same respect

Kathyis6incheshigh · 20/08/2007 11:09

Oh I'm with Morningpaper here.
DD was patted on the head by an obvious alcoholic outside a pub on Sunday. Didn't do anyone any harm. (He was very entertained because as we walked past the pub she said in a loud voice 'Mummy, can we go in there?')
I am happy for crazy ladies on buses to stroke my baby, or the man with learning difficulties who hangs around our local town all the time giving out unsolicited advice to strangers.

And as for perfectly clean, sane people at supermarket checkouts, it makes everyone's day when they tickle the baby and make him smile. What's not to like?

Spandex · 20/08/2007 11:09

It's not necessarily about dirt.

Speccy · 20/08/2007 11:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kathyis6incheshigh · 20/08/2007 11:12

But to everyone who has said that we wouldn't do it to an adult, surely it's different as the point is not that you are allowing NO-ONE to touch your child, but that you want to vet who is allowed - eg clean people, friends, family.
There are some ways in which children and adults are, and should be, treated differently. We don't tend to change adults's nappies and wipe their dirty faces either.

Original poster
IcingOnTheCake · 20/08/2007 11:13

It's not about dirt to me because kids pick up germs everywhere and a bit of dirt never harmed anyone.

It's about the fact i would rather people didn't touch my baby and i don't see how that is an unreasonable request.Smile,wave and talk to her, fine. Just don't touch, it's not hard.

OP posts:
littlelapin · 20/08/2007 11:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington · 20/08/2007 11:16

what a bunch of frakes

mosschops30 · 20/08/2007 11:16

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH DIRT OR CLEAN!!!!

Its about respect and personal space and what is acceptable behaviour from strangers in public.

littlelapin · 20/08/2007 11:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerryMarigold · 20/08/2007 11:17

spandex, i agree it's not only about dirt. there's some bigger issues at stake, which morningpaper highlighted.

allowing strangers to touch your child is teaching children from a young age to be accepting of other people, and to be friendly to people who are different.

children are not adults and really don't care about their 'personal space' being invaded.

Spandex · 20/08/2007 11:17

No Kathy, but we should also respect everyone's choices and personal space. The OP doesn't like it. So, surely that should be respected?

littlelapin · 20/08/2007 11:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tortington · 20/08/2007 11:19

i haven't finished it yet littleapin, i am on holiday for a week - about to pack my stuff and go to sunny oldham and paint my dead mothers house hoorah !

Kathyis6incheshigh · 20/08/2007 11:19

LL - yes, of course, because children and adults behave and are treated differently. You would be confused if someone patted your cheek, but equally, you wouldn't go up to a random stranger and announce 'I've got toes!' or shout 'Hello old lady!'

Sorry if my post was confusing - I think that was because I was trying to make two separate points without separating them enough.

I just think the argument that it is about respecting the child's boundaries (ie 'you wouldn't like it therefore it's wrong to do it to a child') doesn't really work because we are expecting the child to put up with being kissed by aunties, friends etc.

mosschops30 · 20/08/2007 11:19

so hang on merry we are teaching our children in one breath the be accepting of strangers and allow themselves to be touched ...... then we tell them to be wary of strangers and that its not ok for people to touch you.

How does that work exactly?

littlelapin · 20/08/2007 11:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessGoodLife · 20/08/2007 11:19

Don't know what the problem is with (appropriate) physical contact. Personally I think it is part of teaching kids to express themselves fully. However I can see that if you have a 10 month old you will still feel the urge to keep her away from any potential harm, germs etc. That is natural but I'm sure you'll feel more relaxed about it as dd gets older.

littlelapin · 20/08/2007 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
IcingOnTheCake · 20/08/2007 11:21

Your child can be accepting of other people and be friendly to people who are different without touching them. That's my point, i don't mind people interacting with my dd, i would just prefer it if they didn't do it physicaly.

OP posts:
Kathyis6incheshigh · 20/08/2007 11:21

(I was very LL, because the old lady wasn't really old, just a bit middle aged.)

morningpaper · 20/08/2007 11:21

ll have you ever thought just HOW MUCH SHIT covers the grubby hands of the small children who toilet themselves at pre-school and nursery?

strange adults are the least of your germ-worries

EscapeFrom · 20/08/2007 11:23

You wait until she's a stroppy four year old - nobody will so much as glance at her except to tut and you will miss the early years when everyone admired her.

snowleopard · 20/08/2007 11:23

I must admit, I like it - it makes me feel warm and fuzzy when old people chase DS around Tesco, hold his hand, pinch his cheeks and ruffle his hair (and he loves it - obviously if he didn't I'd avoid it). It never once occured to me to think of all the infections!

Each to their own, if you don't like it you can't help that. But to me it's a kind of community spirit thing. It feels right that people are affectionate with little kids and not just cold and inoring (I find that harder tbh). Of course I'm wary in case of the wrong kind of attention, and there are some who are a bit too forward (I'll step if if anyone tries to pick him up, for example, which has been known).