To feel angry when strangers touch my dd?

[IcingOnTheCake]

My dd is 10mths and it's lovely when people say how cute and pretty she is but why do they feel the need to touch her? People touch her hands, arms and face and i really don't like it. I just want to push them away and shout 'don't touch my baby!', i wouldn't do that of course, i just stand there and feel angry.

It always happens in supermarkets, especially at the checkout. Am i just a grump or is it ok for me to not want strangers touching my dd?

I think that all human beings have a 'right to engage' with other human beings haven't they? It's what happens when we live in a society rather than lots of little seperate households. And it is perfectly possibly to discourage further contact (verbal or otherwise) without being rude.

Indeed OrmIrian.

I can understand that it might make some people uncomfortable but I just find the idea that a (clean, non homeless, perfectly friendly) person will be resented for ruffling a child's hair incredibly depressing. I do think it is a British society thing and another to add to my 'cons' list!

Gosh, if only I wasn't so tied down here.

What really amazes me is that it is seen as such a heinous crime that we have a thread devoted to it. And here I am. Argh.

It's so irresistibly enjoyable to touch babies.

My dd has always been kissed a lot. By waiters in France and Italy, by our old male vicar, by our new female vicar.....she's just one of those people that attracts that kind of attention. It still happens even now that she's 10.

I have to say whats the difference between your dd falling over on the pavement on her hands where every man and his dog (pee and poo) have been then putting fingers on face and in mouth and on toys at home (asuming you don't wipe hands after every fall) and her shaking a dirty persons hands? (ps as a nurse I can tell you that unless someone has a Urinary Tract Infection urine is infact sterile and drinkable!!!)

It is a personal thing and can understand why you dont like it.

BUT personally I have found the reactions I have had from strangers since being pregnant/out and about with a small baby utterly heartwarming. Seats given on the bus, help with shopping when I had SPD (all unasked for), smiles and pats of DD. One old man asking me in an adoring way "may I look at your baby", kind comments from all sorts of people. And I live in a semi dodgy area in London. Have never felt more connected to society (sounds mad I know) than since having her.

Germ obsession? Is that what it is?

I'm not tactile at all and if I'm completely honest, would rather strangers didn't touch my children. However, I feel bad about this and always smile indulgently however smelly the person doing the touching is. It is obviously bringing them pleasure in what otherwise might be a fairly grim life and it feels churlish to deny this.

OrmIrian: maybe I just attract more nutters, but what I really can't abide is people who won't take a hint, won't go away, won't keep their hands to themselves. If you're walking fast and don't stop when someone starts going 'escuse me, excuse me, excuse me' then they should leave you the fuck alone, if a child shrinks away from a person, how ever well intentioned they are they should fuck off out of it. no one has any kind of right to pat a child's cheek or ruffle its hair any more than anyone has a right to stroke a passing woman's tits because they are feeling horny. And people who are too stupid, self-righteous or selfish to ignore the fact that someone is moving away, trying to get past them or avoiding eye contact, only have themselves to blame if their feelings are hurt by bieng told to go away and stop pestering someone who doesn't know them and doesn't want to.

Hear hear MadameZ.

Maybe that's it - we live in areas where there are more volatile people around hence we like to keep ourselves to ourselves.

oh dear
had to leave this thread at lunchtime and only just got back to read the latest.
Don't think it is an issue that merits so much time and energy cos clearly you all have your different takes on this.
Before bed I just want to chuck this in: I have to return to the UK in a few days from a country where being affectionate towards random kids is utterly normal, to the extent that after a year here my ds (4) believes that he is genuinely the absolute centre of the universe and that everybody everyone wants to pinch his cheeks, kiss him, cuddle him, and play with him anywhere he goes. This is my point here: I have to explain to him before he leaves that in the place we are going not everyone will do these things with him and that it won't be ok for him to go up to people (of any age) and start chatting and playing with them, but that however that doesn't mean he isn't just as special. Don't know about you but I think that is sad.

But we're not talking about chatting or being friendly with kids. We're talking about touching them. Massive difference.

Grabby-handed creeps aside, my DS is often chatty with strangers and many chat back - but I am having to (gently) steer him towards the concept that someone who is engaged in conversation with another person or talking on the phone or reading might not necessarily want to hear that DS is going to the PARK or wants his TEA or has just done a SMELLY POO!

Perhaps we need an associated thread - are people who don't automatically react with knicker-wetting delight to being interrupted in their converstaion or private reveries by a sticky or very noisy toddler they don't know just emotionally repressed or disgustingly English?

These people aren't trying to violate your children. They are just being friendly! Why is this a crime. They are admiring your child. I also think that the elderly don't always have contact with children and I think its something they really crave. I can't help but think you are all a bit mean spirited.

I must live in a lovely area because no strangers have touched my child, or maybe its 'cause I look hard.

I get a lot of people saying to me "oh, your daughter is so beautiful" which bothers me, wouldn't want her growing up with a complex!!

It actually bothers you if someone compliments your child?????

LOL post doesnt read well.

Just that it seems everywhere we go everybody is telling DD she is beautiful or telling me that she is - which is lovely - but at the same time I also feel a bit awkward like what do I say to that, and it can get a bit tiresome when the tenth checkout person at Mozzisons has told you that, and I dont want DD thinking that you dont have to have other qualities in life!!!

(Coming from a very not beautiful mother!)

I can see where you are coming from, I also try to tell my daughter that she is clever and talented but I realise that strangers don't always get to see these other wonderful sides to her, they only get to see how pretty she is, so thats what they compliment her on. When she is older people won't comment on it as much once her other qualitys outshine her very good looks.

hiya, hav'nt read the whole thread, yes its your protective instincts.slightly going into overdrive but hey its your kid, not theirs, tell them politely to back off!

not long after my 3rd was born we were in supermarket car park. dd was in her pram and a very old lady came from nowhere and approached us. after gazing in the pram she was about to touch her on the face but i moved the pram away and asked her not to touch the baby, the old lady walked away looking very hurt. i felt wracked with guilt for ages afterwards but could'nt help my instincts.

needless to say my instincts were right. 2 yrs later, i saw the same old woman, same car park, rooting through a litter bin and picking up ciggy stubs from the floor.her hands were filthy,she looked like a tramp. yes she needs help i expect,but im glad i did'nt let her maul my child just because of what society expect of me.

I know the exact feeling! I really don't like it when anyone touches my kids, I especially hated it when they were babies, but them being triplets had an extra awe factor or something, so everyone was constantly wanting to touch them, and i stood getting madder and madder.

madamez, don't understand your anger.

You get very cross whenever someone you don't know interacts with you?