If you're a parent, when did you have time to...

[CandyCaneLove]

I have a 10 month old DD and the relentlessness of parenting and complete lack of free time has been a huge shock to me. I have a supportive DH but he works full time and is out of the house all day and only home after DD is asleep during the week. On weekends he does a lot but I tend to catch up on sleep when he has DD for a couple of hours as she isn't a good sleeper so I'm perpetually knackered.

What age were your kids when you could:

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?
2. Regularly exercise?
3. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?
4. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

Even if it's years away I'd like to know if I'm ever going to get small bits of freedom back. At the moment it feels I never will (without arranging childcare).

Yep its years. Sorry about that!

My daughter is 3 and a half now and very independent and I was really starting to feel like I was getting my life back a bit. She can eat a meal herself, get herself dressed, watch a film etc. Though I’ve just had a baby so that’s all gone again!

Honestly. You never get it back completely. But you someone mould your life around them and it becomes a new normal. Still times when it’s over whelming and you feel desperate for your own space, but it happens less and less.

Hang on in there, you’re doing great x

1. I have a 1yr old and a 3yr old and I've just started drying my hair again.
2. I jogged and walked miles with a running buggy from about 3 weeks onwards.
3. I think once they eat actual meals then you can again too, but I still struggle as I usually have to referee.
4. I'll let you know

This will sound a bit crazy but I saw a TV advert for a home cycling gym class where a mother was doing a spin class and a toddler ran in at the end- I was so jealous and thought, how is that ever even possible? Would a toddler play in their room whilst a mother did a spin class?

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

on you own? never... otherwise daily, don't understand people who don't

1. Regularly exercise?

depends on type, home workouts -daily

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

about 3

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

Hahahahahahahahaha

1 Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?
Probably about 2 for mine.

2 Regularly exercise?
I never excersised pre kids much but once they arrived I walk for miles. Could you get a jogging buggy and go for runs with them?

3 Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?
Oh god I still feel I can't now and they are 5 and 8. I like to relax with my meals so I'd lunch during their naptime and eat dinner after their bedtime.

4 watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?
Quite early on. I always had adult tv on with dc1 as I wanted to swerve kid tv as long as possible so would lay out stuff for them to crawl between and play with and I'd sit on the floor with them but watch pointless or planet earth or whatever.

I did things totally different from you. I had showers, blow dried my hair and did everything I wanted right from the off. I slept when they did.

Both ds's as toddlers played on their own as I did some hoovering or ironing, they watched tv as I did things I wanted.

I read on mn, how Many kids won't let you have a moment to yourself. But I would have refused to allow that. Even if my child was clingy and held onto me, admittedly I might see things differently, but I suspect that actually, truth is, I wouldn't have allowed it. I booked ds's into the gym crèche, while I went swimming, from time to time.
No need to be a martyr.

I have a 3yo and 6mo

1. DH and I take turns to shower in mornings, but sometimes DS is in his bouncer or DD plays with toys while I wash. I've got short hair and rarely wear make up

1. I walk a lot, dance in the living room with DD, but don't do out of the house exercise. I think two kids means being active all day anyway

1. We often rush it but DS sits at the table with us. DD has always eaten with us and more or less sits patiently, tho she usually wants a poo on the potty as soon as her plate is on the table

1. I have never watched adult tv with DD around.

Once your dc goes to sleep reliably in evenings and sleeps through, you can start to relax more and think about going out.

You can do other things but it takes repetition to get dc used to rules - eg sit and play with something while you do make up, what they're allowed to touch in the bathroom (we moved anything potentially dangerous into a high cupboard, so only messy things within reach)

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?
from newborn. I used to just put dd in a moses basket on the floor of the bathroom. Now at 18 months she just toddles around while i shoeer with the door open
2. Regularly exercise?
3 minths i started a weekly gym class for an hour in the day while my mum had dd. Just timed it beteeen breast feeds, and gave mum a bottle of expressed milk in case.
3. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?
Again, newborn, baby was just either held in one arm, on a blanket on the floor or in a swing chair while we ate.we also started going out for dinner with dd from about 4 weeks old.
4. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?
that was easy as a baby,now at 18 months i only watch my shows when dd is asleep (crime so not age appropriate.)

I’ve always found ways to wash my hair etc. When you have a shower keep the bathroom door open and put your baby safely in cot or baby chair ( chair can be next to your shower) when it comes to drying hair I dry my hair in the kitchen with the babies in eye sight in the dining room with some toys to keep them occupied or in a door bouncer or baby walker to keep them out of trouble. When it comes to meals at an age we’re they start eating I put them at the table with me in a high chair and place soft food of my plate ( carrots or something) on their tray so they are busy trying to eat and having new tastes to keep them busy whilst me and hubby eat our tea.
As for being able to watch a tv program........ unless I wanna watch pepper pig 😩🙈 I’ve got no chance till they in bed

Sorry op, I feel your pain. It's frigging relentless, BUT there is hope! Oh yes, by golly, there's HOPE! It's far, but attainable

My answers :

1.Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care? 2 years old - have them hang out in the bath room with you

1. Regularly exercise? Er, my regular exercise is the park! (with the kids)
2. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time? Around 18 months (unless they're asleep)
3. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently? 2.5 (playing in the play room with older brother)

I never really stopped doing any of that stuff. DS always played independently with toys, I played with him too of course but he was never really very demanding of my attention when I was eating and other stuff.

Exercising, I don't do any apart from walking to work. DS is 6.

I showered, washed and dried hair etc from the start. The baby can just stay in the room with you.

Mine is 4 now and I couldn’t give you ages but have been doing the middle two for ages. watching TV when she’s around is more tricky as she wants to stay and watch. I watch plenty every evening though and at weekends

Erm, when they've left home...

Not really the point of the thread but have you considered sleep training? Once they sleep and nap better there is suddenly so much more time to yourself

1. 4 months
2. 6 months
3. 6 months
4. Never watched tv while he played either plaid with him or did something else. Did watch if he slept as long as I had nothing to do but was at work when he was 6 months so mostly after he was in bed. Always in bed by 7pm or 7.3 at latest until about 5 years old though so plenty of time

When your kids have moved out...

1. I didn’t find showering too much of a problem. I would jump in when they were sleeping or sometimes I would put them in their bouncer on the bathroom floors if I was rushing 🤣 as for blow drying mine are 8 and 4 and still don’t get the chance most days 🤣

1. Regularly exercising? Umm.. 🤣 Try buggy power walks. Great way to exercise or buggy exercise groups. My local soft play is doing an exercise group for mums whilst their kids plays but 10 months old your lo is still a bit young to be left alone in soft play!

1. Of your baby is 10 months can’t they eat at the same time as you? Maybe some finger foods so you can eat yourself? I still struggle now though. We sit down to eat they want a drink, they wants. Different fork, they want a pee, they want a poo, they drop their food 🤣🤣

1. Still can’t watch much TV until their in bed 🤣

It doesn’t get much easier. Whilst some things do get easier When they get older, a few things get harder but I’ve learned to be good with the time I have and try and be as organised as possible..

If I waited for mine to be independent enough to do these things on my own I'd be waiting forever because my youngest can't walk or talk and probably never will. He's nearly 9.

I've done 1, 2 and 3 on your list right from the off. With the acceptance that I'll never get to do them on my own, so I have to adapt.

1 - I do this before mine are up. I get up at 6.

2 - I exercise by taking hikes with the dog, or doing yoga after the kids are in bed, or in the morning (get up at 5).

3 - I just do it. If one is whinging they just have to wait. If it's urgent I'll get up and deal with it and then return to my meal.

4 - when they're asleep, it's always been that way. And on a separate Netflix / amazon / iplayer profile so DD can't find inappropriate things easily. She's 11.

Sorry if this isn't the news you wanted to hear OP. Once there are children they are pretty much always there when you're awake, until they start school - but even that's only 38 weeks a year and most parents are at work during the day anyway!

Mine are teenagers.

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

Shower when they were napping from early on. Blow dry hair 5/6 if I put the telly on.

1. Regularly exercise?

Sporadically When they were about 6 or 7. Obviously when I had someone to have them. Proper regular training about 4 years ago when I could leave them on their own for an hour.

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

6 or 7, but we ate together from a very young age.

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

Still waiting, although at least they now like to watch stuff I want to watch.

Hang on in there.

1. Have a shower. day 1

blow dry your hair - I rarely bother and put make up on with them in your care? 9 months with ds, day 5 with dd.

1. Regularly exercise? Day 5 with my first- daily walks with pram, never with the second.
2. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time? As above, walked with the pram til ds asleep soundly and left him in it while made and ate lunch/chilled until he woke.
3. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently? 3/4, or before 3 while they're asleep either napping or in bed for the night.

I have a nearly 6 yo and nearly 3 yo. If I just had the nearly 6 up, I'd be able to do everything in your list easily (probably for the last year or so).

I'd be able to do some of those things if I just had the nearly 3 yo. Would struggle with the meal.

Both together: forget about it. Constant silly bloody behavior, egging each other on.

1. don't wear makeup but since they were born when a baby it's easy does while they sleep at toddler stage just sitting in room while i did whatever
2. again not something I do much independently of kids so I don't know apart from walking with them to stuff
3. again have always eaten with them once they stopped having just milk obviously did not have long chats over dinner but not overly rushed at toddler stage not that relaxing but by 3-4 it was fine
4. I wouldn't watch something unsuitable for children ( the news is problematic as you don't know when they are suddenly going to flick to a warzone ) when in the room but I would watch something they were not interested in like a documentary on ancient egypt wildlife in china or a home/cooking/antique type thing or a quiz show or sometimes I would read through Peppa Pig also one of the very very few advantages of being partially deaf remove hearing aids and you can't actually hear Peppa and George!!! my child was and is naturally content and good at amusing herself not all kids are the same I am not a super parent temperament plays a big part too she was never ever clingy really so I don't really identify with not the not going to the loo in peace

Mine are 10 and 7. Apart from exercise regularly, I’ve been able to do all the others for about 3 years. It does get easier in many ways, but harder in others. I also now work FT which I didn’t when they were younger and that has changed the dynamic too.

I always managed a shower. Blow dry and make up about 2.5 I think (,my 2 year old dives into my make up bag and tries to use everything in it on herself / the house as soon as she sees it)

Meal - depends on the child, with out first it was about 6 months as she was always a good eater and happy to be at the table. My youngest is 2 and likes to destroy everything while we eat.

Watch tv while they play independently - never. Even the 4 year old will talk, or need something, or play with noisy toys, or ask questions, or get scared. But since they were in a good bedtime routine there is plenty of time for tv in the evening

Regularly exercise about a 18 months I think when we were back at work, into a routine of nursery etc