If you're a parent, when did you have time to...

[CandyCaneLove]

I have a 10 month old DD and the relentlessness of parenting and complete lack of free time has been a huge shock to me. I have a supportive DH but he works full time and is out of the house all day and only home after DD is asleep during the week. On weekends he does a lot but I tend to catch up on sleep when he has DD for a couple of hours as she isn't a good sleeper so I'm perpetually knackered.

What age were your kids when you could:

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?
2. Regularly exercise?
3. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?
4. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

Even if it's years away I'd like to know if I'm ever going to get small bits of freedom back. At the moment it feels I never will (without arranging childcare).

1. Around 2, although he still gets in the way a bit.
2. Since 5 weeks old - I used an eye-watering expensive gym with a creche during mat leave, then just scheduled gym around our schedules. Also cycle to and from work when not on nursery run. Training was MUCH easier after sleep training at 19m. My one regret is not doing it much sooner!
3. Not yet!
4. As above

I showered and did my hair and make up from newborn. I left them in their cot whilst I showered and they played on my bed or I had cartoons on whilst I did my hair and make up.
I never regularly exercised but watched grown up tv until they were about 2 and then Dexter was a bit too graphic for them to be watching, nap time was when I caught up.

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

4

1. Regularly exercise? 2 but I go to the gym before work or early at the weekends

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

4

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

I haven’t actually tried this yet but I managed it until he was 1 and now at 4 he plays independently but I don’t like having the tv on as I think it distracts him.

Well, DH started working away when DS2 was 6 weeks, so I've been showering and drying hair in sole care of a baby and toddler since then. I've probably put on makeup once a year.....

Regularly exercise? Dependant on DHs availability, from about 3 months old (evenings with DS1, weekends with DS2 - feed, exercise, shower, feed). If you have to be the childcare as well, about 5 years old for them to cycle and you run, and be able to stop for roads etc.

Relaxed eating? 6-12 months with everyone at the table, then everything midweek was rushed til I quit work.

I don't watch adult TV with them about.

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

Erm, newborns sleep all the time, so every time someone was coming over or I was going out.

1. Regularly exercise?

Well, that went by the by as soon as I was pregnant... zero willpower!

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

Ok with baby stage, toddler stage tricky and now fine.

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

2/3 months - that's why baby gyms were invented surely?

I also managed to wash my hair, have quick showers etc.., just don't ask about the housework!

To be honest by the time they were ten months I was doing all those but with them included. Used to have a bath with them, dry them first then they would sit on the bedroom floor whilst I dried hair.
Exercise I used to get by power walking them in their buggy to town/mum and baby groups then back again (we would go somewhere most days)
Would eat meals the same time so they'd be sat in high chair with finger food and I'd eat mine.
TV I would just watch when they were napping or in bed.

Ds is 16 months and I'll let you know when we get there!

Re make up though I now carry my make up bag in my car and slap it on before work once I've dropped him off at nursery.

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

Daily. Either early in the morning when they're asleep at that age, or after they've had breakfast. Mind, I was back at work at that point, so had no choice.

1. Regularly exercise?

Daily, other than when we have visitors. Exclusively early in the mornings before everyone wakes up, with my home gym equipment.

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

From the time I stopped exclusively breastfeeding at 5 months. Baby would take ages to eat food and just had the same meals we all did.

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

Not while they are awake - mainly due to the stuff we enjoy watching, which is typically 18-rated. The fluffy Christmas/ Halloween/ Disney films on a weekend while they join, the adult-type stuff once they're in bed at 8.

Having our lives back took about 2 years with our youngest, with the oldest it was much quicker. We still do most of the things we used to do on a regular basis, but have raised our children to be independent from an early age.

E.g. eldest is a teen now, but has been making their own breakfast since age 8, has been sorting their clothes for school out (first supervised, then independently) since age 4 and has helped around the house since they could walk. Youngest is being raised in a similar way, at currently 3 tidying plates away after dinner, tidying their room, getting dressed in the mornings, etc.

The initial work is hard, but once they have that routine, it gets a lot easier.

My kids are older but:

1. I used to have a bath and the DC would get in with me if they wanted to. I never blow dry my hair anyway.

1. Exercise - I would go for a run before DH left for work or go cycling with DC in the baby seat.

1. I never remember not being able to do this. I might have had a child on my lap sometimes though!

1. I did this from an early age. I remember watching episodes of Friends while breastfeeding DC1!

Bucking the trend did 1/2 and 4 pretty much immediately . Exercise was longer - prob around 4 weeks but never managed to match the pre and during pregnancy 3-5 times a week . Went back to work PT at 4 months and full time at 6 .

Mine are 13 &15

1. Showered and dressed before DH left for work whilst on mat leave with DD, took turns when back at work.
2. Exercise from 2 weeks post partum (baby yoga, swimming, cycling with them in seat)

3.Eat a meal, from day one- usually ate with them on the breast or they ate with me. 1st resturant meal at 18 months ish

1. Never (well maybe half an hour now age 13 &15)

Makeup/shower - day 1.
Exercise - day 2, and I was back running half marathons by 3 months
Meals - day 1. When they're little they don't do much! Harder when they're older.
Tv - don't watch it, so not an issue.

As soon as mine could sit up independently I got them used to sitting in the play pen with a couple of toys that were only played with in the pen.

This would give at least 30 minutes of hands free to do things like shower, wash hair, sort meals.

I know play pens are not so popular these days but I always thought mine was great. Kept the child safe so that I could do other things as I was never a fan of spending every waking minute carrying a baby about.

Honestly it depends on the child.

1. With DD1 from 8 weeks but DD2 will only sleep in the sling and I don’t have time to wash and dry hair before nursery school run.
2. Current baby has allergies and only bf and other than DH there is no one to look after her. I do mummy yoga once a week and go on daily walks with the baby in the sling.
3. From 6 months if you do blw. Kids take forever to eat.
4. I try on to have the tv on too much most of what I watch is inappropriate to kids. With the baby I’ll watch anything I want. With 3 year old I watch either a cookery programme or documentary once a week.

Distant memory now as mine are 15 and 11 (which comes with its own special challenges ), but...

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on - when DC1 was about 4 and could plonk him in front of the TV. DC2 was a chilled baby/toddler and would happily sit on the bed smiling while I did it.

1. Regularly exercise - when they were both in full time childcare, but that was because I was a SAHM when they were little and DH worked full time.

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time - I don’t remember that after the baby phase. We always ate together without huge fuss.

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

From when DC1 started sleeping from 7-7 (2-3 yrs old). DC2 always did.

My only advice is to keep on with your sleep catch up until you feel ready to do other things at the weekend. Don’t be hard on yourself. It will get easier. At some point you’ll have the energy to handover to DH as soon as he’s in and go to the gym / have a long bath & do your hair etc. But until then...get your sleep!

I find threads like this funny as you get such different views
Eg blow dry - never, you must be joking vs every day whilst dd watches

So much depends on individual temperament imo some will happily be distracted by CBeebies for a bit and others will be getting under your feet all the time when you're trying to make dinner.

I think 4 is when it gets easier.

And you will find when the sleep pattern improves it will be a lot less exhausting all round

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

Put them in the playpen or cot with toys in the next room and keep checking on them, or have them in the bathroom sitting securely in something.

1. Regularly exercise?

Walk or jog with the buggy.

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

Again, playpen with toys.

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

Put them on the floor with toys.

I've always made a point of making sure DD can play independently for 15 to 30 mins at a time. They don't need to be constantly entertained. Just make sure they have eaten and have a clean nappy, and leave them to it on the floor if you are there to keep an eye, and in the playpen if you need to do things (just keep checking on them).

I am a very over coddly mother to be honest but I make sure I continue with the things I need to do. Getting showered and ready, exercising and eating are all normal things to do and you're perfectly able to do them with a baby.

I’ve pretty much just always showered and did my make up. DS just sits in the room with me and plays or watches me and I do chat to him etc.

I’m a SAMH but DS goes to nursery part time so I get plenty of time to do other stuff. However, I know my friends are members at gyms that have a crèche so you can drop your LO off and do a class/work out. A couple have jogging buggies too.

TV usually when DS is asleep and eating doesn’t seem a problem but I just have little simple things.

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

I used to shower when DS was in bed or when DH was around for years. Hardly wear make up.

1. Regularly exercise?

Hardly ever. I did a 12 week membership when DS Was about 8 or 9. Thats it. He is now 13. I feel with working full time, I cannot justify a gym membership. Wouldn’t go often enough. This isn’t helped though by me being a single mum now. His dad sees him while I am working and I won’t leave him alone in the evening yet.

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

As soon as he could sit up in a high chair so around 6-7 months. We did BLW so basically he ate with his fingers - fruit, veg and as time went on, a variation of whatever I/we were having. We ate out with him quite a lot too and so long as there was only one course and not to much hanging about it was great.

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

This one is years away if you want to watch while they are awake and playing independently. You can half watch i.e while playing with them or watch while they are in bed though.

Ever since DS got mobile at 10 months, he won't stay in one spot. If I try to sit him anywhere, he's off in seconds and standing holding onto furniture then throwing himself backwards or sideways. I can't wait til he can walk!

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care? DD is 19mo and I have been able to do this for a few weeks now

2. Regularly exercise? Cant comment on that as we just walk everywhere!

3. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time? We have been able to do this ages, Feed DD at same time and good ol Cbeebies.

4. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently? Only just been able to start doing this. For me has to be first thing in the morning whilst she eats her breakfast, plays with her toys.

I understand OP it can feel like forever. 9/10mo were the worst times for me if I'm honest but DD was a late crawler so would just cry at me to help her. It was tough but just a year later and I feel so much more free, it will happen for you too.

My DD is three now, things do get better over time but it's a slow slog:

1. I shower before DP leaves for work in morning (on days when that's not possible, I do it before bed). If I can get DD to play independently, I can sneak off and dry my hair and put make on. But she's still not always very good at that and wants my attention 110% of the time some days. Mostly get my hair dryish and do it up rather than styling it.

1. Got more exercise when she still had a nap as she would often nap in the buggy while I walked to a baby class (I didn't pass my driving test until this year). Now I'm driving everywhere I need to take up formal exercise... at some stage

1. Eat a meal while they are eating - most days manage this, although sometimes teatime can be a battle ('I didn't want that meal...!')

1. Watch an adult TV programme - I managed about 20 mins max of a rugby match during the World Cup. This generally became impossible once DD learned to demand Peppa Pig at around a year old ('Pep! Pep!')

I found that once I had kids I no longer had time to focus on myself, but then spent my time having fun with them, which was much better. So I've never had time to go to exercise classes, hair cut is basic and very easy and quick to dry, dont bother with makeup. As for watch a TV show, not for years really as tended to watch what they wanted to watch till bedtime, then had to rush around doing housework, prepare lunches etc. Wouldnt have it any other way and would do it all in a heartbeat.

My DD is 2.5 and I’ve been able to easily shower etc since she was around 18 months (obviously I could shower from her being born but I had her in her bouncer in the room or in her cot when she was bigger, and I had to be super quick before she lost patience). From 18 months she’s entertained herself pretty well in her room behind a stair gate and now she wanders free upstairs and is no bother.

Meal wise I’d say it wasn’t really an issue once she was fully weaned as we ate together. Still struggle to enjoy a cup of tea without her immediately wanting to jump on me though 🙄.

Exercise is still a struggle to do in the house as she wants to join in and tell me I’m doing it wrong. I could quite easily get out for a run or the gym now when DH is home I just don’t

TV shows have to wait until she’s in bed. If it’s on it has to be showing finding nemo or there is trouble. I think I still have a good couple of years to go on that front.

I felt exactly the same as you when my DD was that age and while I still can’t do all the things in your OP whenever I want, life certainly feels a lot easier now she is more independent. I feel more like me again.

I've a 17 month old.
She naps for 2 hours a day (from 12-2pm) so I can have a shower, wash hair etc then.
She's also in bed by 7pm, so I can watch tv then for the evening.

I wouldn't attempt either while she's awake ever.

I can eat a meal if she's also beside me in her highchair eating her meal, otherwise she just wants my food or to sit in my knee

My exercise is really walking her in the pram, quite heavy and often uphill/power-walking.