If you're a parent, when did you have time to...

[CandyCaneLove]

I have a 10 month old DD and the relentlessness of parenting and complete lack of free time has been a huge shock to me. I have a supportive DH but he works full time and is out of the house all day and only home after DD is asleep during the week. On weekends he does a lot but I tend to catch up on sleep when he has DD for a couple of hours as she isn't a good sleeper so I'm perpetually knackered.

What age were your kids when you could:

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?
2. Regularly exercise?
3. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?
4. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

Even if it's years away I'd like to know if I'm ever going to get small bits of freedom back. At the moment it feels I never will (without arranging childcare).

oh and that advert makes me chuckle everytime I see it - I would have been interrupted at least 20 times to help with something!

1 - since they were born. Where they are and what they're doing whilst I shower/do hair and make up has just changed at various stages.

1. Most recent DC was 10 days when I went out for a run and 2 weeks old when I went back to the gym. I appreciate this was aided by DH being home from work at a decent time those nights but we have a good routine as he also gets nights for gym/football where I'll do bedtime alone. Apart from that, I went for long walks with the pram (when DC1 was at nursery) throughout mat leave.

1. From the start. Youngest is fiercely independent at 1 year old and feeds themself. DC1 was older before they'd do it alone but was happy to sit and be fed whilst we ate too.

1. This was easier when they were younger. Wouldn't really bother trying now (5 and 1)as don't want eldest to hear anything they shouldn't and youngest just points at Netflix and grunts like a pig until Peppa comes on 🙄

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care? - from day 1.

1. Regularly exercise? - regular buggy walks from day 1, exercise videos at home from 4 months.

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time? - from day 1

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently? - I watched a lot of stuff when ds was newborn. He's 3 now so I wouldn't watch tv whilst he's up as the programmes I like aren't really for kids, I probably could though but I'd rather play with him. He goes to bed at 7 anyway.

You really need a playpen

From birth!! All of these things (except TV which I don't watch during the day) are pretty basic and part of my normal day.

I had a c-section but started doing gentle yoga at 4 weeks. Now I do yoga with her around (yoga with adrienne on you tube) and run on the running machine when she naps.

There was a nice period between about 3-7 years old when they were fairly independent but still went to bed early enough for me to have a bit of an evening.

I managed 1, 3 and 4 from day 1. Or whenever I was out of hospital. I had twins as my first.

I’d put my babies in their cots or playpen, or would just wait till they napped. This suited us all - my twins were very sleepy babies and napped until they were in pre-school, I like my sleep so they’d nap around 11 and I’d get ready to do stuff then.

Eating alone - every evening at least, we’d all eat together.

Watch tv - from birth I’d watch whatever up till about 3 months when I thought they could focus on stuff a bit more! In general though once they were in bed - from 8 months-ish as I went back to work then.

Exercise n/a

I have to say though, excluding bad sleepers or special needs mums really do need to start looking after themselves.

*I have a 10 month old DD and the relentlessness of parenting and complete lack of free time has been a huge shock to me. I have a supportive DH but he works full time and is out of the house all day and only home after DD is asleep during the week. On weekends he does a lot but I tend to catch up on sleep when he has DD for a couple of hours as she isn't a good sleeper so I'm perpetually knackered.

What age were your kids when you could:

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care? I did this as soon as I got up . To be fair DH would stick around until I was ready .

1. Regularly exercise? From 10 days old.. The leisure centre took babies from birth for 1 59 minutes. I went every morning Monday to Friday as part of my membership. Initially light weights and swimming before I got back to nornal. DS was a summer baby so we we would go to the leisure centr in the morning quite early, go home for DS'snap and in the afternoon we would go for a walk or meet friends or house stuff.

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time? I had time to spare. I had a light lunch when DS was a sleep around lunch time.

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently? I be never had the tv on until the evening. When I had babies and small children we didn't have a television.

I thought it was going to be really difficult when I had a baby and was pleasantly surprised that itt wasn't so bad.
It was much the same with DS2 but he was more cranky. The gym continued ( I wish I had the same enthusiasm now!) but he was a winterbaby and the weather was awful so we didn't go walking much.
I found doing stuff around the house harder work with him.

11 and 8 here: I’m still
Bloody waiting

I have 3 DC (12,2 and 10 weeks)

I shower and wear make up everyday, I put a film on for the 2 year old and the baby goes in her chair in the bathroom. She then lays on my bed whilst I do make up and the toddler plays asked me.
I exercise at home daily and do 2 classes a week with toddler in the buggy and baby in the sling.
We all eat together and the baby goes in her bouncer or on her playmat.
I watch my TV when the toddler is at the childminders and OH and I watch it when the older 2 are in bed as the baby doesn’t understand yet!

So I have a 10 month old DS. I think I must be really lucky as I’ve been able to do all those things.

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

I pop him in his cot next to me while I do this, I either stick the iPad on or give him a toy to play with.

1. Regularly exercise? Not at the gym but I go for walks with the pram or have a look into working out with baby (or even classes). Try YouTube etc
2. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

We have a large playpen and this isn’t an issue, or he goes in the walker

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

Same as above, my DS has played independently since about 5 months, if he gets bored we switch it up, he goes in walker or jumperoo or sits with us.

Good luck!

Is it possible for you to return to work/get a part time job? I have a 4yo and 7mo and my 3 days at work break the relentlessness. Ive found trusted carers for them both and my mental health is better.

X

Its not you and them
You are an us now
A family
If you want to know when you will get time to have a bath wash your hair shave your legs paint your nails ...
The baby is the priority now
You just have to fit things in
Be glad you have a partner who goes to work and comes home to you ...

@B9ddy

WTF

Are you going back to work at all? That will help a lot even if you only get to read/listen to a little bit of music on your commute and/or talk to colleagues about non-baby stuff during the day.

As for your specific questions (haven't RTFT yet so apologies if any of this has been covered) :

For context, I have a 1-year-old (just had his birthday this week).

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?
TBH I have always been able to do this. Either because my husband looks after our little boy while I do it, or because (during the working week) I get up before everyone else to do it, or because (in the school holidays) I remove anything dangerous/that I don't want damaged from the bathroom and just let him roam free while I shower. I can see him, he can see me, and he's not bothered by the noise of the hairdryer (helps that I don't wash/dry my hair every day...speeds things up a bit!). He also enjoys playing in/exploring the bathroom as it's a different environment for him (even if this means I have to fish stuff out of the bin afterwards that shouldn't be in there ).

2. Regularly exercise?
I go straight after work to swimming/the gym 4 days a week (though not lately as I have been ill) and then on one weekday evening my husband comes home a little early from work so I can go to Pilates. I try to only exercise during the week so that weekends are kept for family time. But if my working hours didn't permit it, I'm sure my going to the gym Saturday/Sunday mornings as before wouldn't be a problem either as my husband enjoys spending time with our little one (obviously) and he knows it's important to me.

3. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?
Again this has never really been an issue. We have dinner after he has gone to bed. Breakfast is always all together and was even before I returned to work. We get up early enough so we don't have to rush it (little one is usually awake between 6 and 6.30). As for lunch...either I'm eating it at work or, if it's holiday time, LO and I eat at the same time (at about 12) and he plays on the floor while I finish.

4. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?
When I was on maternity leave I'd watch TV while he slept. Now he's older it's TV only when he's gone to bed, or (if I want to have something on in the daytime) it's something quite mindless that I don't have to concentrate too hard on.

I just refuse to believe that parenting is all doom and gloom and that you cease to become a person when you become a parent.

Regularly exercise - you can do this at any point you feel ready. No need for expensive gyms, classes etc. Get yourself some exercise dvds or an app. You can do 30min sessions and then combine if you need more. I have an 8yr old and 3yr old and have fitted a 30-60min workout in since both were 2 weeks old. It’s all up to when you’re ready but if you can, do it when they’re asleep, get up early, get your OH to have your kid whilst you take 30mins to exercise. It’s do able

Obviously
I don't think the op asked for advice on sexual relations

@B9ddy

Not clever.

Yep, I can do all those things now - downside Iam 64

My dc range from 26 to 10.so I have done any of those things for 26yrs 😂😂 I also have 2 dogs so I never go for a pee alone haha. Doesn't matter what I want to do, I'm never alone 😜

My youngest is 11 and I am just now starting to feel like my life is becoming my own again. It's a nice silver lining to having to let go of them as they get older.

I have an almost 11month old and 2.5year old (19month age gap) and here’s how I do it:

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care? I put the 11month old in his cot, the elder one sits in my bed and watches CBeebies and that’s how I shower. Blow drying my hair is less frequent, but again involved CBeebies and I do it whilst one is still in the cot and the other watching CBeebies, or downstairs with the tv on (can you tell there’s a CBeebies saviour here?!) and the little one tends to crawl again. Make up is easier and goes on most days we go out, again tv is my saviour!
2. Regularly exercise? This doesn’t really happen to be honest, but didn’t happen much before babies either!
3. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time? I eat whilst they eat, or when napping.
4. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently? Never bother with this, there’s never anything on I want to watch whilst they’re awake really so once both are in bed at 7pm that’s when I watch stuff with OH.

It does get better honestly x

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

I showered from the day they were born. But I don't blow dry my hair or wear make-up. My children are 11, 14 and 19 but they are not the reason as I didn't do either before I had them either.

1. Regularly exercise?

Once they went to playschool - so aged 2-3.

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

I don't know if I eat leisurely but once they could feed themselves meals became much more enjoyable. But I've never spent long over meals unless I'm out.

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

I watched more tv while breast-feeding than at any other time in my life. Aside from that, once they went to bed. I've never thought of watching tv during the day unless I'm ironing. Don't know why - though maybe knowing what I'd watch would not be appropriate for them and that they'd want to watch with me (and ideally watch something they wanted). I'd read or surf on-line. Always did that a bit from the time they were born.

Could you join a gym with a crèche ?

1. I don't blow dry my hair and wear make-up, I never have, it's not just since having kids. But I was having showers and washing my hair from early on by putting the baby in a bouncy chair in the bathroom. It got hard again once they were moving, especially because DC2 in particular wouldn't nap unless I was holding her until she was at least 1 so I couldn't even do it while she napped.
2. Erm, I have never regularly exercised. I probably could have while on maternity leave by leaving the baby with DH, but once I went back to work I was leaving the baby with him a lot anyway and he also wanted time for his hobbies (I am out of the house from 6.30am until about 9.30pm on work days)
3. Maybe 2ish, once they were old enough to reliably feed themselves without just throwing the food everywhere.
4. When they were at nursery. I record anything I want to watch and then watch it while they are at nursery/ school. I don't have evenings because DC2, who is now 5, has never gone to sleep without someone in her room and doesn't go to sleep until 9ish. I still don't think I could watch a whole hour long programme while they entertained themselves because we only have 1 tv and they would only sit quietly for a hour while watching tv (and then they would probably argue over what to watch)

I would say the answer to most of those is when they start school/ regular childcare. I was able to have a shower every day though either when they had a morning nap or after they went to bed at night.