If you're a parent, when did you have time to...

[CandyCaneLove]

I have a 10 month old DD and the relentlessness of parenting and complete lack of free time has been a huge shock to me. I have a supportive DH but he works full time and is out of the house all day and only home after DD is asleep during the week. On weekends he does a lot but I tend to catch up on sleep when he has DD for a couple of hours as she isn't a good sleeper so I'm perpetually knackered.

What age were your kids when you could:

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?
2. Regularly exercise?
3. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?
4. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

Even if it's years away I'd like to know if I'm ever going to get small bits of freedom back. At the moment it feels I never will (without arranging childcare).

Well mine are 12 and dd as asd.

I hardly ever get to watch tv. If I do kids are playing music on their phones or dancing in front of me or want help with something etc

I also still cant bath or shower in peace.

Went for a relaxing bath last night, dd sat on the loo to poo and constantly talked at me. She struggles with two way conversation. Wasn't relaxing and the bubble bath didn't erase the aroma from the poo!!!

Exercise before they get out of bed so I get up really early.

Meal times are okish as long as no one spills anything.

1. When dad was home. Took them in the shower/bath with me. Not like they don't need one. Playpen, bouncy chair, playpen (depending on age). If they slept. Play in the room when doing hair and makeup. They don't need to be constantly watched or interacted with. - So from the day we got home.

2. When dad was home. Yoga at home, they love it and join in - win-win they get to exercise as well. A gym that has a creche. Started from when was bothered to start, so for me somewhere between 2 months and 7 years.

3. When it was the oldest, it was easier. I ate when he was feeding. Cushion to support lo, sitting comfy, and able to eat proper food. When he went onto the food we started eating together. The pre food days eating after that became a bit trickier, but with adjustments, it worked. If it was a bad day, I would eat when dad came in and dad took over. So really from birth.

4. Around 18 months at the most. And yes age-appropriate. Loads of really good family films and programs. Plus it's a great way to explain a bit if someone walks in seeing you sitting there watching, I don't know, High school musical. It's the little one watching it. 🤣

1. About 6-7 months - I get up up to 30 minutes before my LO to get partially ready first
2. From a year - I exercise when my DP looks after her or immediately after I drop her at the CM. It helps I've done a lot of working from home.
3. From a year. Due to going to a CM and having an older half-sibling she copies other older children. They sit and eat so she does the same. We've taken her to restaurants and gastro-pubs from when she was tiny.
4. Not yet and I don't think ever while she is awake.

OP if you mean: when can it all be done without major organisation...

Mine have now left home and are having their own kids now so my memory is a bit hazy but it all got a lot easier when they started school, then when they started secondary school they started encroaching on my evenings because they didn’t go to bed as early and by the time they were 15/16 I realised they wanted little to do with me unless it was for lifts, food, pocket money or birthday/Xmas presents - so I started my own hobbies and regained my social life. Much to the utter embarrassment of my teens when I put on heels and makeup to go out with my mates!

Wow some of you must have really relaxed DC. I am just getting myself back to sanity. DC are 4 and 8. I get up at 6am (work ft) to shower, hair, make up and dress for work and have a cuppa. No exercise ever. Am slightly overweight still but no time for that. Never eat normal meals in the week, just referee kids tea, then bath etc. It's taken me an hour to write this post....

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

Depends on the baby but with dd I was able to do this from around 5/6 months, she’d be in bouncy chair in bathroom with me for shower then play on bed (with me pulling her back from occasional kamikaze efforts) while I dried hair and did make up, but this wasn’t a regular thing only because my hair dries quite quickly and I’m not a regular make up wearer so only “special occasions” not a daily thing, but she’d have been fine if it were.

If you mean without them in the room with you then you’re talking min 3/4 years really

2. Regularly exercise? again around 6 months, I bf and it was at this point that we hit a routine where I had a few hours early evening where dd didn’t feed and my boobs weren’t being stupid! Then I started going to a couple classes of an eve when then dh was home from work.

3. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

Again around 6/7 month point, at the time weaning start age was about 4 months though so we were a couple months in and had a fairly good routine going, she was happy just sitting in high chair playing with toys after she’d eaten while we ate.

4. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently? sorry but at this point have to echo pinkpants 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

My dd is 18 I STILL get interrupted when I’m trying to watch something she seems to have a bloody 6th sense for it especially season finales!

But then she was also a bugger sleep wise when younger, didn’t sleep through till she started school and even then was an early riser (6 am was a lie in!) until High school.

It’s a case of finding your balance, deciding what your priorities are (I have ocd and it was a struggle not having a clean tidy house at all times and I had a point where things were getting stressed and then dh (who was actually pretty good at that point when he was home) was like “you need to let some things go, you don’t need to do the dishes every time you use a cup or Hoover twice a day” and he was right.

But even without ocd I think it’s something a lot of new mums struggle with.

Do what REALLY needs doing that day and if some stuff that’s less essential has to slide so be it.

You say dh is supportive but what is he actually doing? Great he’s good at weekends but could he be doing more in the week? Even though he gets home after baby’s bedtime does he do any night stuff? Does he do any household stuff of an evening? Because he could and should, just because you’re the one at home doesn’t mean it’s ALL down to you.

Please don't listen to all this crap about it being years or never. Please. It is so unhelpful.
My ds is 10.5 months.
Exercise: early morning gym classes before dh goes to work and on Saturdays. You can also walk for miles with them in their pram.
Hair: I try to get showered and changed before dh leaves the house at 8.30. I blow dry my hair and straighten it with ds playing on floor.
Lunch: depends. I tend to feed ds first and wait until he takes a nap. I like to watch classic corrie (guilty pleasure), so try to time it all for when that is on!
It is hard work, but it will get easier. Already, ds is able to feed himself to some extent. Imagine when they ate toilet trained, able to dress themselves, off bottles and in nursery for a fee hours a week. Only a couple of years away! It is nothing in the scheme of a lifetime!

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

Can't really answer this as I don't do blow drying or make up. A quick shower while the napped was doable from birth.

2. Regularly exercise?

My idea of exercise is mostly going for a long walk so they went with me. Probably the most difficult aspect was finding routes suitable for prams and later trikes, I generally favour peat bogs and knee deep heather, so there was compromise involved.

3. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

Maybe 2 1/2? I recall a lot of sandwiches, salads and other things that couldn't go cold between the breastfed only so can eat round them and old enough to comprehend sentences stages.

4. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

Not much of a TV watcher and what I do watch tends to the 'definitely not for small children' end of the spectrum so after bedtime. Wasn't an issue for me

I'm due my first next month so don't have any real advice! But a gym near me does mother and baby exercise classes, where you can take little ones along! Something like this might solve at least one of your problems? X

1. I just put him in the bouncer if I wanted a shower etc so fairly young, maybe 6 months? Longer than a quick shower then no, I'd wait for DH to be back or baby in bed. Baby is 4.5 years 😁😁
2. Exercise I'd tie in with taking DS for walks in the pushchair etc.
3. Eat with DS so altho it's multitasking it's not me rushing a meal whilst he does something else, so maybe 1.5 when he had a little more independence at meal times
4. Ha. No, seriously, once he was 1 or so and would play alone I did, but at 4.5 he argues back 😂

Honestly, DD is 9mo and I can do all that now. But she is a very independent little soul and has been since birth. She's also very easygoing. She'll easily entertain herself for ages with toys and just exploring the room. But that's entirely a temperament thing - some of my mum friends can barely even get five minutes to do anything! It really just depends on your baby, and things can change too so I'm not counting my chickens!

I don't watch TV when she's awake, as I'd rather we were doing other stuff, but I do listen to the radio or a podcast in the kitchen sometimes when we're having breakfast or lunch. If I wanted to, I could, though, but I usually use that time to catch up on house stuff or do some work (self-employed). I don't blow dry my hair but I can get changed, do make-up, etc. while she plays in her cot or rolls around the bed. It depends what you mean by exercise, we go take the dog for a walk every day. And we eat together, with the exception of the occasional dinner if I am disorganised and need to make her something quickly.

@CandyCaneLove

Don't worry about it - getting hardly any time to yourself. It will pass.

The joy and love, and fun and great times to come, will wipe out the tiny amount of time that you seemed to be doing nothing but looking after - and pandering to - the needs of your baby!

You've got probably another 2 or 3 years of what you talk about here, but it will be replaced by your DD playing alone, drawing and scribbling and reading, watching TV, playing video games, and playing with her toys.

Lots of day trips and picnics and beach days/building sandcastles are to come too. As well as going swimming together, playing table tennis, and badminton, (and various other sports,) going on the swings and slides together, running around the woods, playing in the snow, building snowmen, going for lovely long walks, playing video games and watching TV together, feeding the ducks, visiting farms, going to the zoo, going to museums, going on lovely holidays abroad...... the list goes ON!

The first few years with mine was hard (and having zero time to myself was a struggle,) but it got soooooooooo much better, by the time they were age 3 to 4! It just gets better and better.

Teen years are a ball-ache though. Struggled for about 3-4 years there. What with their mood swings, their rebelling, the strain of revising for, and doing their exams, and also spats with other children, and them being bullied... (that happens to quite a lot of children sadly...) The struggles of the teen years passes too though. All part of life, and the gift of having children!

All of that by 10 months!

That said, and regardless of easy-going baby, I still value when she goes to sleep at 7pm and I get the evening to myself!

I've got a 1yo and if I want to dry and straighten my hair, I do it in the evening once he's asleep but that is most of the evening gone, maybe 40 mins left before bed to watch a show.

I'll watch shows I want to watch when he's there but I do miss bits so it tends to be stuff I don't mind missing. Generally I have a couple of hours in the evening for TV though.

Exercise is walks and just generally running around after him. Walks are getting less cause it's always bloody raining🙄

I realise I might be in the minority though. My OH works from home and finishes at 5 so that's a massive help.

2 words: Gym Crèche.

Ours is £2.50 per child for 2 hours, you don’t even have to be a member, you can literally just sit in the cafe for 2 hours. I just sit in the whirlpool thing sometimes and enjoy the peace.

Mine is 14 months - it’s relentless. I mean so, so hard on the days where I’m alone.
Getting ready - either do this super early before DH leaves the house or Take baby into the bathroom with you in bouncer / walker or just a blanket with some toys whilst you shower - do the same whilst you dry your hair, this is what I’ve generally done. Make up is done whilst he’s wandering around the living room with nursery rhymes and some baby biscotti.
Exercise - lots of walking to the shops and park. YouTube an exercise routine for when baby napping.
Watch tv - not yet
Eat a meal - unless I eat at same time as baby this doesn’t happen, he wants half of everything, even if he’s eaten! Greedy sod

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

DH would do breakfast while I showered, so I was always dressed before DH went to work.

1. Regularly exercise?

Primary school age. But that was more to do with my motivation...

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

3-ish. We've always eaten together.

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

7 or 8 maybe, but I don't really watch tv until later in the evening.

Mine are now 12 and 9, I've no idea when it happened but 1-3 I've been able to do for quite a while. We have a rule on week days that the adults take control of the TV after 7pm and weekends are negotiated. For a couple of years we've been able to watch some things together which is lovely.

It definitely gets better. X

Genuine questions because it's something I have never understood with regards to meals.

A few have posted they never get time to eat, and mention that they give the child a meal.
Why aren't you eating then?

Great thread, I have a 16 month old and I feel your pain!!

I have to make a decision between makeup or hair, it's always make up and I scrape my hair up.

We eat once DD has gone to bed, which I don't really like because it's 7.30 and I like to be in bed by 9, doesn't leave time for all the other stuff I have to do before bed.. and I'm usually ravenous.

DD also doesn't sleep very well - she's poorly at the moment so I've been up every 45 minutes the past 3 nights, then I have to go to work

I just keep telling myself that she won't always be so small and want mummy so much. Doesn't really help ha.

P.S it's easy to shower etc. When they're babies and just lay there! DD just ransacks the bathroom when I have her in there with me or cries until I'm back with her.

Well those aren't straightforward questions, I mean in theory you can do all of those things even with a baby, but it's hard.

I've found it generally gets much much easier when they are 4 and start school. By then they are generally sleeping through the night, fully toilet trained, can dress themselves, will play on their own for a bit, are civilised enough to sit properly and eat a meal. People are more willing to look after them for a bit.

^*1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

1. Regularly exercise?
2. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?
3. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?*^

I can do all of these except number 1. They need to see me and touch me so number 1 takes way to long for them. Of course I shower regularly, but blowing drying my hair and putting make up on undisturbed is something I look forward to soon. Unless dh is home, then I lock myself in the bedroom until I'm ready.

"Please don't listen to all this crap about it being years or never. Please. It is so unhelpful.
My ds is 10.5 months."
Its not crap, it's real life for a lot of people. People dont just lie on here, they tell their story. It sounds like you arent working as you mention you do stuff before dh goes to work. At 10.5 months, I had to have mine in nursery by 7.30am, so there was no time to do exercise classes or spend any time on hair or me at all really. It is hard for a lot of people, but seems to be easier on those at home and not working.