If you're a parent, when did you have time to...

[CandyCaneLove]

I have a 10 month old DD and the relentlessness of parenting and complete lack of free time has been a huge shock to me. I have a supportive DH but he works full time and is out of the house all day and only home after DD is asleep during the week. On weekends he does a lot but I tend to catch up on sleep when he has DD for a couple of hours as she isn't a good sleeper so I'm perpetually knackered.

What age were your kids when you could:

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?
2. Regularly exercise?
3. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?
4. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

Even if it's years away I'd like to know if I'm ever going to get small bits of freedom back. At the moment it feels I never will (without arranging childcare).

1. 4
2. Not yet
3. Not yet
4. Not yet

Omg. That's so depressing

"But things like showering and eating you have no choice but to prioritize these."...absolutely these things have to happen, in and out of shower in 10 mins, breakfastxtended to be toast shoved down in seconds. Lunch at work, tea with kids when they eat.

"And I refuse to believe anyone who prioritizes their children above everything else, including showering and eating, is actually happy. Sounds like a recipe for shockingly poor mental health to me."

Showering and eating happened but yes always prioritise children first and and I'm 100 percent mentally well. I found that we ended up doing stuff as a family at weekends so had more fun doing family stuff rather than me stuff.

I know every child is different but I dont really understand the problem with showering and washing hair? Surely you can do that while they nap or bring them in the bathroom with you?

DS is 16 months

1. I do this three mornings a week when DH leaves early for work. I close him in the bathroom with me when I shower and close him in the room with me when I do my hair and make up. I wouldn't say it's efficient or easy and he sometimes gets a bit whingy, but it's fine. I've always showered while home alone with him (to begin with with him in a bouncer) and I don't understand how I could get through the week not doing this without stinking at work!
2. I run in my lunch hour at work a couple of times a week, and then once at the weekend when DH is home
3. Get back to me on this one! There was a good period where it took DS ages to eat and we could spend that time eating our dinner at leisure (we did baby led weaning) but that's passed so now we race to finish before he does and gets bored!
4. It depends what you mean by watch... I could watch, say, Death in Paradise while he plays, but not something that I had to really concentrate on to follow it

Four year old and ten month old here.

1. When they're napping
2. Never
3. Never (until you stop having to feed them at the same time.)
4. Never

1. I take my 2yo in the shower with me and he plays with bath toys while I get washed. Been able to manage that since he was able to sit up in the bottom of the bath. I manage a minimal amount of hair and makeup by letting him watch cartoons on my phone for ten minutes.

1. I can only exercise when I’m running around playing with my child or when he’s asleep. Or occasionally I’m naughty and let him watch Paw Patrol which buys me about 45 minutes.

1. Eating isn’t a problem since he was able to feed himself while I eat, aged maybe 12-15 months. It’s more successful if the telly is on because he watches it and eats.

1. Still no sign of being able to watch tv while he plays. He wants your attention and brings you toys, and needs keeping an eye on. I can have some light entertainment like Strictly on in the background and sort of have one eye on it, but nothing that requires any real attention.

I honestly don't understand what you do if you're a working parent and have the 'can't shower when they're awake' attitude. I do sometimes try and shower before DS wakes up, but if that was my sole plan what would I do if DH was away and he randomly woke up at 5 - just go to work unshowered?! Surely all single parents have to figure out a way to shower in the house alone?

My baby is 10.5 months

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

I bring my son into the bathroom with me and put his bath toys on the floor. He just stands at the bath watching me and enjoys having the mist on his face. I can do my whole shower and face routine with him in the room by just narrating and enthusiastically demonstrating each thing that I do. I only half blow dry my hair so it’s only half mad as I don’t have time to do it all the way dry. I can put my every day makeup face on in about 2 minutes. I buy this time by giving him a makeup bag full of old, clean brushes and empty bottles. He likes getting them out and putting them in again. He’s also started to put the brushes on his face to copy me, which is so sweet!

1. Regularly exercise?

Like others, lots of pushchair walks. I used to think it was utter nonsense that celebrities would say they lost their baby weight running after their babies, but I do now feel like there’s something to it. I barely sit down all day and am constantly on the go, so I don’t put pressure on myself to do ‘proper’ exercise as I know I’m pretty active as it is.

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

I don’t even make myself breakfast or lunch lately. I eat what my baby rejects. Often straight off the floor because my standards are very very low now.

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

Sort of similar but I started reading The Handmaid’s Tale when DS was around 8 months and I couldn’t put it down. I was reading it when he was awake and about 50% of that time he’d be trying to rip the pages out, but the other half, he’d be quite content just trashing the room with toys while I absorbed Gilead.

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?
2. Regularly exercise?
3. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?
4. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

My baby was a very attached baby, and certainly not easy...but I think you just need to find ways to do these things as it can be done.

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

I've done this since he was a newborn..took bouncer in bathroom

1. Regularly exercise?

Home workout, walking, swimming with baby. Again since newborn

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

Hmm I'd say about 1year old as at least they are starting to feed themselves so are distracted. Whilst baby is little you could put them in a sling and eat. Making sure the food is not hot in case you drop some on them

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

About a year...although they will still want to climb on you too. Doesn't mean you cant watch it. I've watched lots with little baby though. Newborn sleepy cuddles, then when bigger baby went in his jumper or baby swing. Can get away with that for an episode of friends or similar

My daughter is 7 and I can mostly use the toilet without her barging in since she was about 6. Mostly

So yes, its years sorry

It gets better. Slowly, slowly, month by month.By the time they're 6 you'll miss them depending on you.

"You have to give into motherhood completely, it drives you bonkers to resist it in the beginning" This advice cured my PND and saved my sanity. There are good days and bad days, but don't just live for the good because the bad days are learning days.

Oops, sorry! Hit post too early.

DD is 22mo.

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

I shower at night but have been doing my hair and make up since she was a newborn. When she was tiny I put her in her bouncer in front of Baby Sensory videos on YouTube. As a baby she sat on my bed in a pillow fort with toys. And as a toddler she runs around and plays with toys, empties drawers etc and I tidy it all up again when she's napping!

1. Regularly exercise?

Hmm, I try to do stuff that involves her. So as a baby I walked for hours with the pram with her, now I chase her around the park. But if I wanted to I could go to the gym while DH takes her.

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

She started going to bed around 6.30pm pretty reliably at about 5 months, so then. If she's awake I still rush my meals although there was a short window between 6-11 months where she'd happily sit in her high chair for hours!

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

I don't really watch adult TV while she's awake (except Pointless!) but she plays independently really well and has done for a long time so I guess I could if I wanted to. I do read with my morning coffee for 45 minutes or so and while she does occasionally interrupt me she's pretty good at playing by herself for that time.

1. either before they wake up or after the first feed of the day and pop a toy in the cot. Prior to this I would have a really quick shower first thing, and then wash my hair if someone came over the visit or when my partner was back (he is often away with work for months at a time).

2. I have done a YouTube video while he napped pretty much soon after birth, now I tend to do a longer one when he is in bed in the evening. I did try the gym a few times, but it was a pain dropping him off on the way, it became so much of a faff I didn't bother. I probably would go some evenings though if my OH was always here.

3. When we started weaning, I did BLW and anything I ate I gave him small portions of. As this takes some time when they first start, it gave me plenty of time to eat (whilst keeping a close eye). Preparing food was a different story, this vastly improved at about 4 months when he could be popped in the jumperoo, or in the highchair.

4. put loads of toys out on the floor and can usually have half an hour or so of being content playing alone. Obviously keep an eye and interact as tender to also sit on the floor before aware of programme content; now just when he is in bed.

Are People genuinely saying their children are 3, or 4, or 5 and they don’t shower when they’re looking after them? How do you get to work? Or out the house. I find this bizarre.

Also on work days I'm up before she's awake so get ready then. But even if she was awake she'll play in her cot for at least half an hour before she wants to get out.

oldest is 15 but i still get no alone time as a couple or to do thing by myself

but he is disabled and home educated and required 24 hour care

other son is 9 and still in my bed he also need 24 hour care and is home ed

I feel like a total oddity reading these replies...

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?
About 4 weeks old.

2. Regularly exercise?
Almost 4 months, returned to the gym 2 weeks ago, parents look after him 4 times a week for an hour and a half.

3. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?
Again a few weeks as he is very content being left in his bouncer with a rattle, lights and music or just laying next to me.

4. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?
He doesn't play independently yet.

I guess I'll be approaching a whole new life soon looking at all the other replies you've had.

Err, at least 3, closer to 4. But of course you then have another so have to start the clock all over again...

I have an 11 month old and work full time:

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care? - I do this now, she's greatat playing on her own in her cot and i take baby monitor into bathroom then sit on her bedroom floor for hair and makeup
2. Regularly exercise? Didn't do this before her 😅
3. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time? Now she eats meals herself she eats at the same time of us and she takes a good long while with her food meaning we've got no rush.
4. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently? - she's great at playing independently so whilst i can't be 100% engrossed i get to watch what i want, plus the couple of hours a night after bed time.

My dd is 20 months old and I can do all those things. Here's my latest wheeze to get her to let me shower and dry hair etc, which has been the most challenging...

Make a big deal of letting her choose toys to "play in bed" and get her to gather a few eg a jig saw, a book, a stacking cups set and some teddies. Take bedding out of her cot and then put her in the cot with the toy selection while hyping up the experience (Oooh! Toys in bed! Whatever next?? What a big girl! Etc) My dd will cheerfully play on her own in the cot while I have a quick shower and I keep checking on her in between dressed, hair, make up. It's a game changer.

Have not rtt so am intentionally replying blind. I have a ten month old plus a 3 yr old and a 6 year old;

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care? I can do this now but it’s a juggle. Shower with them either asleep, or speedily with them in the bathroom. At a separate time blow dry my hair while they climb on me. My makeup is down to 5 mins Or less and I do it while holding them and playing peekaboo in the mirror
2. Regularly exercise? Never n/a
3. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time? I can vaguely if I eat with the children at 5ish. I have to attend to them at the same time though
4. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently? Nope

I feel your pain. Mine just turned 1

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

Since she was v tiny did this while she slept. Now I put her in a travel cot in our bedroom and she plays in there while I get ready and chat to her

1. Regularly exercise?

I manage a regular evening class when OH is home from work. That's it though. We have gym equipment in the house but by the time shes in bed I'm too knackered to use it. I have motivation for the class as my friends go!

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

This has not happened yet. I always try and eat with her and it's mainly damage limitation

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

We watch Pointless as she seems to enjoy it too (the noise and lights I guess). She will e.g. sit in her ball pit or play with blocks for 15-20mins so I can watch some stuff while she plays then we pause and play together for a while. I think the key is either rearranging your tastes to stuff they like or accepting they're going to see some mildly inappropriate stuff (mine loves GLOW at present )

What I want to know is when will she sleep through the night!?

Did all of that with newborns, no need to be a martyr

I have a 5 and 3 year old now, the baby age was definitely easier for some of these now harder, and the reverse for others.

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care? Since birth every day. When on mat leave I did it whilst either husband supervised baby or did breakfast once weaned. Or after swimming I would jump in once home having popped baby in the cot for the 5 minutes I was in the shower. I take 5 minutes max to dry hair - its designed that way - not due to baby but I am rubbish in the morning so I have spent years getting a low effort haircut! Once back at work its just part of the morning routine, normally whilst kids are having breakfast with dad.

2. Regularly exercise? Pilates one night a week from eldest being 7 months, kept up as pregnancy killed my back and if I didn't go it made it worse! Once youngest came along I did a post natal pilates class with the same teacher which baby came to whilst eldest was at nursery. Tried buggy fit but didn't like the instructor - seriously unfit and kept on about her many marathons! Once back to work went back to the evening class, but also little one was more of a liability in the class crawling everywhere!

3. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time? With them whilst they are eating - all eat together and take your time.

4. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently? Watched loads on mat leave whilst baby slept in the afternoon, only when eldest dropped her naps did it hit my tv watching! Now its in the evening on the whole or a lot of Paw Patrol! Although have got eldest into Strictly this year! If the telly is on they don't want to play. Although my eldest did get quite keen on Pointless!

The TV is the one that has got harder as they have got older, I now swim before work twice a week as well as pilates, you just need to work out when it suits your family timetable.