If you're a parent, when did you have time to...

[CandyCaneLove]

I have a 10 month old DD and the relentlessness of parenting and complete lack of free time has been a huge shock to me. I have a supportive DH but he works full time and is out of the house all day and only home after DD is asleep during the week. On weekends he does a lot but I tend to catch up on sleep when he has DD for a couple of hours as she isn't a good sleeper so I'm perpetually knackered.

What age were your kids when you could:

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?
2. Regularly exercise?
3. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?
4. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

Even if it's years away I'd like to know if I'm ever going to get small bits of freedom back. At the moment it feels I never will (without arranging childcare).

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care

I did it in the morning before DH left for work,or during the morning nap

1. Regularly exercise?

Weekends, and used the gym crèche twice a week

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

Ate lunch and breakfast with them, and from 10 months they were asleep at 8pm when I was eating supper

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

About 3. But I was at work so watched TV in the evening

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

I don't wear make up but I showered and dried my hair pretty much every day

2. Regularly exercise?

I took mine out in the pram after lunch every day. They had a nap and I got some exercise.

3. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

Newborns slept on and off, older babies played.

4. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

I never really watched TV until they went to bed at night, so maybe 8pm

I never really watched TV until they went to bed at night, so maybe 8pm

that 🤣

Mine are currently 4 and 7.

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

From when the youngest was 3, but I don't bother with blow drying and tend to shower when he's asleep as it's more relaxing. Makeup less of an issue as it doesn't matter too much if I'm interrupted.

1. Regularly exercise?

I don't do this as I'm lazy! Unless you count walking to places. I guess you could do this as soon as you can leave your baby with someone else for the time you want to work out.

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

Quite early, though interruptions are always possible.

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

I still don't do that!

shower/wash hair - baby in cot with toys(can hear them)

exercise - walk with baby

eating - bribe child with finger food so 6 months +

tv = when they sleep!

I have a 7 month old and exercise regularly.
If that means getting up at 5am before DH goes to work, that’s what I do.

15 month old PFB here.

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

I shower in the evening after baby's bed time so that I can take as long as I like and relax. Hair - I can run GHDs through my hair in ten mins in the morning. Make up - I have a quick routine that I rush through while ds watches tv. He always wants to come over and play with my make up / mirror so I don't really feel like I've cracked that one yet I'm afraid!

1. Regularly exercise?

If my fiancé had a 'normal job' I'd be doing couch to 5k and feel confident I'd be able to fit this in and do it ok. However he has a demanding shift job and a year of uni part time so the only exercise I get for now is brisk walking with buggy & housework.

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

I eat when the baby eats then have tea in peace after his bedtime.

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

This one doesn't interest me, more than happy to continue waiting until after baby's bed time.

What I found key was being flexible and adapting my life around the baby. For example deep down I kind of do prefer showering in the mornings but Ive accepted the evenings are better now and just go with it.

The first one (getting ready properly) I start doing within a week or two, because i get really depressed otherwise. Its taken longer with my 3rd.
The regular exercise as soon as I'm done with the post natal check (if they are little while they nap, when older they join in, in the middle I use the crèche at the gym). Sometimes this is just going on long pram walks and doing 10 minute work outs at home .
The third one (meals) I just have got used to Mostly eating once they are in bed as it's far more relaxing. Im not sure I will ever have a relaxing meal with them ever again because they are all tricky eaters in one way or another
The tv thing happened when I was breastfeeding/bottle feeding and later once I could bribe them with food. Mostly (like the food) it's too stressful so I just do it when they're asleep. I was never a big TV watcher anyway, but we do enjoy movies together as a family (with me running around fetching things usually)

I have a 2.5 year old and a 10 month old:

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

I do this during ds2’s morning nap. Ds1 is happy pottering and watching tv while I have a quick shower then comes and plays in the bathroom while I get dressed, put on makeup (if I can be bothered!) wouldn’t attempt it with ds2 around, too much hassle.

1. Regularly exercise?

I do this now in the evenings when dh is home from work I go for a quick run a couple of times a week while he gets them ready for bed.

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

Don’t really do this! I eat while they nap after their lunch then have dinner when they have gone to bed.

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

I can do this now as they entertain each other but ds1 is usually quite indignant when something other than CBeebies is on and comes and hands me the remote control and instructs me to change the channel

It is hard for a lot of people, but seems to be easier on those at home and not working.

Disagree so much with this. Everyone I know that works quickly becomes an genius at multitasking most things. It's very easy to let things like personal grooming and eating slide a bit when you've no one but the baby to see all day. When you have to fit everything around work you get much better at prioritizing.

my gym has a creche.

Years and years. Get a babysitter and get some of your life back for you.

And I disagree, if you are working you can find 30 mins for yourself. From experience.

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care? 3 or 4 ish? I don't know because I've always waited until ds was at home.

2. Regularly exercise? I've never actually done regular exercise

3. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time? when the youngest was 2 or so. I ate with them I think

4. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently? they're 7 & 8 and I've pretty much given up on that Now they watch stuff like Horrible Histories or Operation Ouch I don't mind wastching their stuff and find myself watching it long after they've gone off to play! I do watch stuff I'm interested in later on at night or when they're at school.

8yr old and 14 month old here.

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

I put makeup on in the mornings in the living room while DD toddles around. I've put makeup on since day one with both. I shower in the evening once DP is home though.

1. Regularly exercise?

N/A because I hate exercise.

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

6 months. BLW so we've always eaten together. During the day when it's just DD and I we eat lunch at the same time.

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

Probably 18 months-2yrs. If I try to watch anything at the moment I have to pause a lot so I wait until DD is napping to watch my programmes or save it for after bedtimes.

"When you have to fit everything around work you get much better at prioritizing."

Yes but I tended to prioritise kids before me . When you work full time, every spare minute, not at work is spent prioritising the kids, and I come last. I never felt it right to finish work at 5, then go to an exercise class which would take another hour away from me being with the kids. I did know a woman who stayed at work a bit later so as she missed bedtime with the kids....I could never do that.

I've never dried my hair or put makeup on, but I have a bath every day. Think DC stopped wailing when they could sit up and watch me, around 4mo.

I did buggyfit on maternity leave and now I go running in the evening. DD2 is 4yo now so there was a bit of a gap!

We have always eaten together, admittedly I eat quite fast anyway but I don't remember that being an issue after 18mo.

TV - I wouldn't attempt to watch my shows when they're awake and they're 6 and 4 now. That's for when they're in bed, if the tv is on they'll want to watch it.

"And I disagree, if you are working you can find 30 mins for yourself. From experience."
How and when? Up at 5.30am, kids in nursery for 7.30 am, in work for 8am. Pick up kids 4.45, home 5.30 if lucky. Then cook tea and spend time with kids /bathtime till their bedtime. Then do housework, any paperwork, jobs, check on elderly parents. That's when they were babies...when older all the after school reading, homework, activities start. Loved every minute of it but it certainly wasnt easy, and I certainly wouldnt have spent time on me when the kids were around.

I have 3 children age 1, 6 and 9.

1. I have always done this. I have a bouncer/jumperoo style thing in shower room. Then put baby in cot with toys while I get dressed/ do hair and makeup etc.
2. When the oldest was in school and the middle was in nursery I would exercise in the mornings. It was bliss. I am a sahm though, so makes it easier. I am currently building up to forcing myself to exercise in the evenings/weekends, but just feel too knackered at the end of the day.
3. Not yet. Only when baby is asleep and others are at school. Even then, it is a rush as there is so much to do before baby wakes.
4. Not yet.

Aside from this list, I definitely find the first year is by far the hardest in terms of the relentlessness of it. After 1, babies(mine anyway as I stop breastfeeding) normally sleep better and start to communicate more, so you can do more with them eg farms/park etc. They basically become better company.
We had a brief period when our older children were 4 and 7(before baby), when it felt like we were getting our lives back. The children were more independent and would play quietly for periods. I remember us finding it amazing that we could sit peacefully reading the papers at the weekend. It was also much easier to leave them with babysitters/family/each other and we went out loads(they were sleeping well so weren't too tired in evenings).
I am looking forward to getting back to this point(despite really enjoying my youngest at this age as I think it is the cutest).

My daughter is 2 1/2

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

Always done this, she just sits with me and now watches iPad while I put make up on. Doing hair is harder and I have to be quick!

1. Regularly exercise?

This doesn't happen now

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time? This is too bad now as she can feed herself. But not really relaxing as I'm focussing one making sure she's eating something, using reasonable table manners.

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently?

Not while she's playing but can do this as she goes to bed early

TabbyMumz

Fair enough and I think things like the gym do get put to the bottom of the list (hell theres a lot of people without kids that dont prioritize working out). But things like showering and eating you have no choice but to prioritize these.

And I refuse to believe anyone who prioritizes their children above everything else, including showering and eating, is actually happy. Sounds like a recipe for shockingly poor mental health to me.

I have a 3yo and 7m old.

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?

With baby no.1 I found this harder but with baby no.2 from day 1 really. The 3 yo has tv or plays while I’m in the shower. On days when it’s just me and the baby, she plays in her room for a shower and I take her in the bedroom with me to dry my hair. I prefer getting ready while she has her morning nap though as I have a bit longer and don’t have to worry about her. On days I’ve got both of them, I tend to get ready quicker and everything is a bit more manic.

1. Regularly exercise?

With baby no.1 I went to buggy fit classes from 6 weeks and started back at the gym when she was about 18m old but only really managed one class a week on a Saturday. With 2, exercise is the thing that has slipped. I would like to get back to it but realistically, that probably won’t happen until The baby is on one long nap so I can get a good workout in on my non-working days. On my working days, I’ll have a good walk as part of my commute.

1. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time?

From 6m onwards. I did blw with both and child no.1 was always excellent in restaurants and so far, the baby is doing well and enjoys the highchair. It was much harder with her as a newborn.

1. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently

Basically never. I don’t watch grown-up tv during the day. You could do this for nap time but it depends where your priorities end up.

@inwood love you my DS is seven this week.....
Can shower do make up and dry hair
Eat together but can a cheeky take away
Always watched my own TV Netflix is Mummy's friend
Don't exercise but mainly because of work and after school clubs.

I have two boys, they were not quite 2 years apart.

1. Have a shower, blow dry your hair and put make up on with them in your care?
Hahahahaha. I didn't even get my hair cut till the youngest was 2! I used to call going to the dentist "me" time. Mind you, I was working again from when the eldest was 15 weeks old.

2. Regularly exercise?
That's different. I used to push them for miles in the pram, usually with the shopping as well, and had them in bike seats/ bike trailer from 6 months. I cycled every day - either with the kids in tow or on my way to work. Our sports centre had a creche as well, so you could take an exercise class.

3. Eat a meal whilst they're awake without rushing it as you can't really spare the time? We used to eat together, but it was a bit "tag-team" - one adult would spoonfeed the baby, the other would eat their own dinner.

4. Watch a TV show you want to watch whilst they play independently? Nope. In our house it's considered rude to watch something on the telly when others are in the room and don't want to watch it (DH's mad rules) In reality I would wait until they were in bed.

Soooo worth it. I would do it all again. (But probably still be as knackered!)

1. From DS being approx 4 weeks (before that I physically struggled and mentally couldn't give a shit) Now aged 7 months he plays in bathroom/bedroom whilst I get ready. If I want a relaxing bath DH takes him out for a walk while I do this.

1. Again from about 4 weeks I would walk with DS - approx 3 miles a day (need to do this again now I have established a routine following return to work)

1. Newborn not so easy if awake but since approx 6 months DS will sit in highchair and have some finger food while we sit and eat a meal quite happily.

1. Both DS's have been encouraged to play independently now and again, meaning I can have a coffee at times and have TV on too. I usually only do this once a day and both DS have plenty of play time with me also