To hate the 'too much stuff' brigade

[Elmer2028]

I'm probably going to get slated, but already my MIL has started going on about how the DC all have too much stuff and she's told relatives not to bother buying them anything, my sister is the same and doesn't want the 'third world guilt' of having to wrap presents so is only doing charity gifts.

I get it, I really do. The world is full of too much tat, and we need to give to those without. I'm totally for those things.

However, I just find that these people that go on about how much stuff we get when opening on Christmas Day, just really spoil things a little and take the fun out of giving?

I think it's unfair of MIL to decide whether your kids get presents.

Does her attitude extend to her own lifestyle? I assume you're not buying her anything?

I think the only way it isn't annoying is if they fully embrace it themselves so will be happy with the sentiment being reciprocated, clearly try to minimise their own impact etc.

I'm with you. Its going all preloved birthday gifts rounds here. I've always bought second hand clothes etc but it's like reformed smokers - so in your face and zealous with it all.
Wrapping paper and Xmas crackers are for the chop next. I like both. A lot.

I hate tat. It’s so unnecessary and I’d honestly rather have no presents than 10 small ones which I’d never choose for myself and I have no use for

Don’t think it’s your MIL’s decision to tell other people not to buy gifts though

I’m with you. The thing is it’s usuallt people who just feel like they’ve found a way to justify they’d stinginess.

Like anything, people don’t broadcast things they feel strongly about unless they want recognition.

I’ll be limiting plastic but how much my children get is up to me.

Bloody hell - that’s typo-tastic

I hate tat, think most kids (and adults) have far too much stuff and have never gone overboard with my own child.

However - it's not your MIL's place to decide whether your children should get gifts from others or not and it sounds like your SIL is just using it as an excuse to be tight.

Surely, they ask if they can give money for savings/vouchers for a specific item/money for days out etc etc instead??

I sort-of belong to the too much stuff brigade. I tend to buy consumable gifts for Christmas - posh biscuits or jam, nice hamper, that sort of thing. I’d rather give something that can be used up, than buy a thing that the recipient is going to have to find space for (if I have chosen well, and it is something they like) or send to the charity shop (if I haven’t chosen well).

But I wouldn’t dream of dictating that other people do the same - it is not up to me to decide what someone gives to other people.

YANBU, @Elmer2028 - your MIL is out of order.

I'm struggling with this this year, because on one hand I love giving presents and wrapping them up nicely but otoh I have plastic guilt.

I think I will get round it buy still giving presents and wrapping and decorating but trying to do it in as an environmentally friendly way I can - eg, using plain parcel paper, home made decorations, edible or practical gifts etc.

I am split. Nope, I don't want tat for myself. And the family agreed no Christmas presents for adults.
But I disagree with the whole ethos when it comes to DC. It's lovely for them to get presents. It's lovely for me to give presents to nephews and nieces or my friends children - even if it is a small token gift.

I hate presents and have requested to receive none for years. I get my Dad nothing either as he feels the same. For Xmas all adults on my side do charity presents because we prefer it. But for DH's side for Xmas and birthdays we do plenty of presents because that's what they want.

People should always be able to request and receive what they want so it is very U of your MIL to decide what other people are buying for your DC.

But it's just as U for my MIL to ignore my wishes too.

Urgh, the issue isn’t gift giving, or holidays which encourage that, it’s copious amounts of plastic tat!
There is a middle ground between ‘here’s 45 toys from the £ shop which will break immediately’ and ‘I bought a goat for a Kenyan family in your name- happy 7th birthday!’ 🙈

Why can’t we just encourage ‘responsible men gift giving.
-Santa only comes if you have a November clean out and donate the toys you no longer use to charity
-ONE gift per family member (those in couples count as one!)

• Two-Three gifts from parents (aka Santa)

-Emphasis on good quality, sustainable items (wooden/low plastic).

For adults I tend to go for vouchers (places they like- restaurants- afternoon teas at nice local hotels...etc) Edible stuff is also awesome, who doesn’t like a box of chocolates? And those plastic tubs (in houses like ours) get used for years as storage/baking containers...etc

My family have started doing ‘experiences’ rather than presents. We’ll buy tickets for a concert/show/stand-up comedy. Much better than stuff and I don’t have to put it away afterwards.

Not sure what your point is really? Does it boil down to: can we be a bit more low key about shouting about our green credentials in front of the little children, especially on Christmas Day? If so - yanbu.

But the first world needs to quickly wake up to the concept of having less stuff and that includes our precious children too.

My ILs were, MIL still is, part of ghe Chrostmas is about Jesus brigade and not materialism. Personally I think it's about Jesus and the joy of giving. Something the ILs never discovered and it made them emotionally poorer. But hey, if mean and miserable turns anyone on.

I think it’s fair enough to say no to gifts for adults but not for kids. Also there is a vast difference between cheap plastic stuff and nice long lasting and lots of play value toys.
We don’t tend buy things throughout the year and save things for Christmas and birthdays so even though it looks like lots there is a mix of fun stuff and practical stuff like clothes. I would do your own thing and suggest MIL and SIL buy stuff like memberships or tickets to something.

Just boycott gifts altogether and book some special time together, festivals, gigs, shows etc. We don't do Christmas though, so it's easier. But yes. Definitely in that crowd here.

I don’t say I hate them but I personally hate having too much stuff around. I’m not into material stuff.

Kids to accumulate a lot of garbage and it’s the job of the parent to help them learn to thin it out.

MIL isn’t necessarily U for deciding not to buy for her GC, and/or to ask for no gifts for herself, but is U for seeking to influence others in the family.

For me it's not even that. It's just a total waste of money. We aren't buying Christmas presents this year except for the kids. No one has spare cash and, having a relative who volunteers for CAB, I know how many people will be awfully impacted mentally by their forces Xmas spending. It's just unnecessary.

I agree with your MIL in that the last thing people need is tat, but it's absolutely not her place to dictate what people buy for your children.

I would rather get nothing than loads of tat I don't need and am never going to use. I have stuff from two Christmas' ago that is untouched or has been donated because it's just not anything I'll ever use.

Given the state of the world, you probably need to get your fun in other ways than giving.
I know it’s Still stuff, but I’ve started making things as presents, which feels fantastic. My dh was really impressed when I made him a linen shirt for Christmas part year. Actually everyone in the family was.

i tend to give my grandchildren money for christmas and birthdays not because im too stingy to buy them presents but because they range in age from 23 down to 4 and i dont know what they want or need so by giving them money they can add it to any other money they recieve and get something they really want or that is a little bit more money than buying a cheaper individual present, my own children and their partners i know what they like so get them psysical presents, my partner has everything he needs or wants so i buy gig tickets for the both of us as he enjoys this more than yet another thing he wont wear or use, me i tell everyone they do not need to get me anything but if they feel they want to get me a box of chocolates as i like choccies

I like advent for the religious bit, things like reverse advent calanders, picking a toy to donate/filling a shoe box (some organisations aren't great though!), and christingle services, then midnight mass (small dc dependent)
Then Christmas day - 6th January is presents, seeing family and eating lots of nice food.

Massively out of order for mil to decide that your DC aren't getting presents from wider family. I'd be really pissed off about that and the cheeky bitch would be getting back shit from me for Christmas, not even an invitation to visit! Who thinks it's acceptable to dictate what other relatives do for children that aren't even hers? I hope you told her she is overstepping.

I agree with the sentiment but she could buy them a voucher or membership for a local adventure farm or something.

My mum decided the same for my kids (after my gran died and she had to wade through mountains of tat) but she does get one present or puts towards something we are getting (eg both sets of GP put towards a swing set one year that had had loads of use) or just gets something small and puts some money in their savings. Adults also stopped buying for each other. Works for us