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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate the 'too much stuff' brigade

222 replies

Elmer2028 · 27/10/2019 18:05

I'm probably going to get slated, but already my MIL has started going on about how the DC all have too much stuff and she's told relatives not to bother buying them anything, my sister is the same and doesn't want the 'third world guilt' of having to wrap presents so is only doing charity gifts.

I get it, I really do. The world is full of too much tat, and we need to give to those without. I'm totally for those things.

However, I just find that these people that go on about how much stuff we get when opening on Christmas Day, just really spoil things a little and take the fun out of giving?

OP posts:
Youseethethingis · 28/10/2019 08:20

@NumberblockNo1
Same world as you. MIL got a big payout from old employer for gender pay discrimination and money burns a hole in her pocket. She’s due another large lump sum early next year. I’d rather she topped up her pension and sorted her debts as she does long hours in a tough job and her health isn’t great. But no, presents = love on that side of the family so the tide of tat is probably unstoppable without really hurting her feelings Sad

magicautumnalhues · 28/10/2019 09:21

Don’t you always find that Christmas shopping - in supermarkets or in shops brings out really crappy behaviour? It’s the opposite of Christmas spirit.

I may try the local shops Christmas thing this year, perhaps shopping local is more friendly but John Lewis etc in the weeks up to christmas is pure poison

magicautumnalhues · 28/10/2019 09:23

My mum is the same, it’s so hardwired that you show someone love by giving them as much stuff as you can. She says it was the effect of rationing when she was growing up - her generation was the first to have the choice to move away from mostly homemade things

NumberblockNo1 · 28/10/2019 09:32

Yousee - I only meant we're at opposute ends of "the problem."

I wouldn't want lots of tat either but we have some family with money that wont buy "stuff" as they claim everyone has too much. And we really can't afford to buy the basic bits we'd like to buy them. I'd love family to buy more "stuff" especially if its lego/stuff for hobbies/clothes they want.
My parents didnt get the memo 🤣

LakieLady · 28/10/2019 09:34

A couple of years ago, MIL decided she didn't want any more "stuff" and told the family not to buy her any gifts for birthdays or Christmas.

We give her a "voucher" for a day out to the garden of her choice, including lunch (she's a mad keen gardener). She decides where she'd like to go, we research a nice pub or restaurant nearby for lunch and pick her up (she never learned to drive) and take her out for the day.

She bloody loves it. We've told her we're extending the range now, to include places that are a bit too far to go there and back in a day, so this year's Xmas voucher will include a night in a B&B or hotel, if necessary.

Zenithbear · 28/10/2019 09:46

Yanbu My ex mil went on and on about how much my dc had for Christmas. She used to add to it by bringing them a huge sack each which I thought hypocrisy. Most of which was random stuff they hadn't asked for and never got played with. Anyway her opinion never changed the choice or amount of presents I bought my dc.

Idontwanttotalk · 28/10/2019 09:57

It is fair enough for your MIL to ask/tell you not to buy her gifts but it is not right for her to tell others not to buy your DC anything. She sounds like she sucks the joy out of life.

Blackbear19 · 28/10/2019 10:12

My fav type of gift to give people is an experiential gift that will challenge them, like enter them into a half marathon in 6 months time

Unless somebody is already a runner that is a really crap gift. If i recieved that id be thinking it was a hint I'm too fat, just like giving a can of deodorant, are you trying to tell me something Confused.
Even if they are a runner they probably have their own plans on what to enter, with running friends!

Op their is an element of many of us do need to cut down on consumerism. Back in the day, toys were relatively more expensive, cheap plastic, cheap far east Labour and cheap transport. Has all reduced the price of toys and encouraged more spending and tat in the West. But it's not MIL to dictate what kids get or want.

supersop60 · 28/10/2019 10:16

Your MIL is BU for dictating what YOUR DC get.
My own DC asked me a few years ago to not give them stocking filler tat. I was a bit sad that it would change the Christmas morning tradition, but that was my issue, not theirs. They'll still get 'big' presents!

Chillywilly93 · 28/10/2019 11:52

Haha for those who don't like the idea of my gift, I get that. I think I just like buying stuff like that for people who I know want to be challenged,

ThatMuppetShow · 28/10/2019 11:55

I think I just like buying stuff like that for people who I know want to be challenged

but it's all relative. A half marathon is pretty pointless for many people.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 28/10/2019 11:57

An in-law tried this with my DD. They decided my DD had had ‘too much stuff’ at Christmas from the other side of my family and wanted to give her her Christmas gifts ‘across the year’ instead. I discussed it with DH and we decided no. Christmas is Christmas. There’s no point confusing the issue by buying a load of stuff and rationing it. Either give her something or don’t - entirely up to you.

Blackbear19 · 28/10/2019 13:20

Seaweed that depends on how its done, weekly pocket money, magazine subscription or lessons for something could be seen as a gift across the year.

But if they means toys every other month then no not for me. And I'm not particularly good at toys only at Christmas. My oldest gets pocket money the youngest gets the odd wee toy, because a year between toys is a bit long (joys of a Christmas birthday).

seaweedandmarchingbands · 28/10/2019 13:25

I don’t even agree with weekly money as a Christmas present. And I don’t want people other than me and DH giving pocket money, tbh. It’s Christmas - give a gift, or don’t. 😂

Asthenia · 28/10/2019 15:27

I find it so odd when people say no gifts for adults. I have a tiny disposable income so don’t often get to buy clothes or books or makeup or things I’d like. Christmas and birthdays are times when I’m bought things I wouldn’t be able to spend money on myself - like a lovely perfume or jewellery. I don’t like buying tat for people though - if not sure what they’d like I’d always go with vouchers I know they’d use. It’s children’s presents that I always get stuck on! They’re so hard to buy for unless you get toys. However I’d definitely always get gifts for children because that’s a huge part of the excitement of Christmas!

BarbaraofSeville · 28/10/2019 15:36

But Asthenia, what's far more likely to happen is that someone buys clothes/books/make up for you that doesn't fit, you don't like, have read already, doesn't match your skin tone, is a brand you don't like etc etc and you spend money you don't really have on other people.

Wouldn't it be far better to not exchange gifts with other adults and just spend your own money on clothes/books/make up of your own choosing? Lists are also a stupid idea because if you have to say to people 'please buy me X item from Y shop' you might as well just get it for yourself anyway.

blog.moneysavingexpert.com/2009/11/is-it-time-to-ban-christmas-presents/?_ga=2.58366441.2119454011.1572255795-1372655992.1538652833

ThatMuppetShow · 28/10/2019 15:41

I find it so odd when people say no gifts for adults.

Depends how it comes about.

If it's to avoid people to spend too much on one family, it's quite nice.

if it's from a CF who enjoyed receiving presents for years but suddenly think it's too much when it's their turn, it's just mean.

Asthenia · 28/10/2019 17:13

To be fair I’m talking about gifts from close adult family (parents, boyfriend, siblings etc), not distant aunts/uncles. For example close to Christmas my mum would ask for a list and I’d give one with quite a few bits on it, and she’ll choose a few bits to buy so it still feels like a surprise! It works for us and I never get bought tat. I wish all my close friends/family gave lists!

ArnoldWhatshisknickers · 28/10/2019 17:21

A lot of charities are very dodgy. I'd ask the MIL to give cash instead so your kids can give it to a charity of their choice. Like the 'Society for Grandchildren of Grandmothers Who Reckon They've Got Too Much Stuff'.

She can wrap the envelope up nicely.

Jinglejanglefish · 28/10/2019 17:27

I don't see why presents always have to be tat. In my family we do a secret santa and each have a wishlist, so we're getting things we actually want and need, not tat.

GiftDropUK · 28/10/2019 17:47

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FelicisNox · 28/10/2019 17:49

YANBU and your MIL is a CF for deciding what your children get.

I'm all for less is more (I'm a bit OCD where "stuff" and mess is concerned) and I'm more than on board with saving the planet where possible but Christmas is the exception to the rule in my house.

Obviously we keep the filthy consumerism to a minimum but if you can't have a gift at Christmas when can you?

Also, Christmas is for kids. You can't not give them a little something?Hmm

Sounds like their using their green credentials to be tight asses.

pollymere · 28/10/2019 17:59

There's a week between dd birthday and Christmas. I noticed over the years that she'd only use about half of her stocking gifts. You don't need to buy lots of things but definitely not a goat. Presents can include PJs or slippers which end up getting loads of use. I've never had to buy dd nightwear! Dressing gown, bathrobe etc. And there's nothing wrong with a jigsaw, book or decent felt tips either. Your family seem to have forgotten the spirit of giving.

Bluesunglasses · 28/10/2019 18:12

My grandmother and aunt came to visit recently and said DD has "too much stuff". Yes, I suppose she does, mostly because every time you visit, you give her loads of things? I had to laugh and pointed out most of it was from them ! I ask for season passes and things to visit, as we don't have a lot of disposable income, every single year for bdays and Christmas yet she still gets things from them as they "wanted her to have something to open!". Can't win Grin

manicmij · 28/10/2019 21:17

Shops full of tat all year foubd but at Christmas it is off the scale. Why not just give money for a fun experience. If several relatives give say £5, £10 instead of all the plastic landfill then the amounts add up to cover costs. A bit more memorable than unwrapping a huge box with about 20p worth of tat in it.