To hate the 'too much stuff' brigade

[Elmer2028]

I'm probably going to get slated, but already my MIL has started going on about how the DC all have too much stuff and she's told relatives not to bother buying them anything, my sister is the same and doesn't want the 'third world guilt' of having to wrap presents so is only doing charity gifts.

I get it, I really do. The world is full of too much tat, and we need to give to those without. I'm totally for those things.

However, I just find that these people that go on about how much stuff we get when opening on Christmas Day, just really spoil things a little and take the fun out of giving?

This is unfair considering presents don’t have to be “stuff”. They can be tickets for days out, museums, books, cash or clothes.

Gifts don’t automatically mean plastic crap.

Also, your MiL needs some boundaries the bossy overbearing bint

It's not your MILs place to decide that. However I'd be using it as an excuse to not get her anything.

I agree so we often request clothes. It means we save money buying essentials and relatives can still buy gifts.

Win win

Our family has increasingly moved towards 'experiences' rather than presents (theatre tickets, outings etc). We have also in the past suggested family contribute towards a joint present that is more expensive - for example one birthday my son's grandparents and aunts and uncles all contributed towards an electric Lego train set - it has been played with more than any other toy he's had, ever, for about the last six years.

I was sick of his room being full of toys that were played with once and then ignored. It took a while to convince everyone but now everyone in the family's on the same page regarding clutter, plastic crap etc. Books and clothes are top of the list if they want suggestions. No presents for adults unless it's a big birthday etc. I guess I'm one of your sanctimonious hypocrites!

My fav type of gift to give people is an experiential gift that will challenge them, like enter them into a half marathon in 6 months time! That's a great present especially for younger people who have more time

Are you taking the piss?

You must be, right?

That is the nastiest most passive-aggressively rude 'gift' I have ever heard of, I frankly wouldn't bother you again if you give me this as I would assume it was a deliberately severing blow to end our relationship.

@Elmer2028 you should take inspiration from this thread and enter your MIL into a half-marathon as her Christmas gift.

Im in the too much stuff brigade but only with my own family and dont judge other people. Jeez your mother in law needs to back off.

@Merryoldgoat

I’m with you. The thing is it’s usuallt people who just feel like they’ve found a way to justify they’d stinginess.

Like anything, people don’t broadcast things they feel strongly about unless they want recognition.

I’ll be limiting plastic but how much my children get is up to me.

I'm giving cash to my kids, their partners, GC and my niece. It adds up to £1,500 so I don't think it's always to do with being stingy.

Wanting to give more sustainably is one thing, and someting we should all be doing within our means. Sneering at 'tat' frequently comes across as very self-congratulatory and, dare I say it, classist.

I hate experience presents. People buy me a voucher for something and I feel obliged to go so then I waste my time and petrol getting there.

“Hate” is a strong word. Maybe you should work on your anger or get a grip.

But there is a balance.

I love giving and receiving, but the true essence of giving is the thought behind the present, not the quantity.
Many of my loved ones know me really well, give me small token things which they know I will use and cherish.
My mother is of the "more is better" camp, and will literally rock up with 10 black bin liners stuffed with tat.
She loves giving but puts no thought into the gifts.
My kids are young adults now and I see the look of embarrassment on their faces, trying not to offend, being polite , smiling, showing thanks, as they open their 40th gift grom granny- another pair of slipper socks, £1 perfume, plastic ornament or coin tin.
I have asked her to reduce, but has fallen on deaf ears.
My DD actually leaves stacks of stuff in my bedroom when she goes back to her ( small ) flat after christmas, she doesn't want to be filling her place with stuff she will never use.
I take the lot to to a charity shop after christmas.

It is sad to see so much waste.

I grew up homeless. With no food. Heating. No tv. No car. Literally nothing

I buy tons for my kids and completely know it comes from a background of having grown up with nothing.

I hate it when people tell me they have a lot of stuff. We also give nearly all of it away for free when we’re done if we can.

Myself personally though. I wouldn’t want things I wouldn’t use. Id rather a good book. Or nothing really. It doesn’t bother me. Having grown up with zero. To not have anything and I’m not materialistic at all!

@Chillywilly93

haha am I being mean entering people into races? I've only done it once for a family member and they were delighted! It's not like I'm entering my great grandma into a marathon, if I know someone is interested in running or similar then I think it's appropriate. Particularly when some of these races can cost £70 upwards to enter

The issue is if they are very into running they probably have fixed ideas about ones they wish to enter (London marathon etc), so are you choosing the right one? Are you giving them a gift with lots of other expenses attached, running shoes, hotel the night before etc? And if they are not into running then you've given them a gift that they are likely to see as a massive eater of time (I've got 6 months to prepare for a half marathon) and/or a massive insult (is the gift-giver trying to tell me I need to lose weight by taking up running?). There's quite a high risk that your gift will be wasted.

When the kids were small we did the "something you want, something you need, something to wear and something to read" method of gift giving. It really helped cut down on the tat. We often made the something you want part an experience present like annual passes to Legoland or something that would get used a lot like Brio or Lego.

I'll swap you for my parents and in laws who think I'm The Grinch for saying they can only buy DC 3 presents each. Must try and get them onto experience gifts next year. I've also asked them to buy fewer presents for myself as it's such a waste but they never listen. My mum cannot show affection unless through stuff.

Yeah experience days have to be well chosen and fun - otherwise it’s a waste and misery.

E.g my son is obsessed with safari wildlife so we’re off to a big zoo (quite a long journey) and he’s SO excited.

I wouldn’t choose a day out at a seal sanctuary because he would find it boring & it would be a waste of time and fuel.

on Mumsnet you would believe anything made out of plastic is instantly hoyd into a quarry the day of xmas.

One of our best ever buys was 99p plastic shopping trolley from a charity shop - played with most days by all three of our children and when out grown still in good condition so went to a charity shop afterwards.

Really sturdy plastic and construction. We were absolutely skint and kids had very few toys when we bought it with pfb.

Later we past their large Early Learning Centre Build It sets - like gaint meccano with nuts/bolts spanners- which was all plastic on to the school nursery - they were very pleased.

We still have their lego sets - they were played with an dused in projects late rthan many other toys - actually we have lego from DH childhood as well.

So I agree - plastic toys can be great and last well.

My post is in reply to ancientgran (which was autocorrected to anxiety man)

I think the Op might have solved her issue the threads 2 years old 🤔

Oh my days! 2 years!! Facepalm

@Forgetmenot37

Yeah experience days have to be well chosen and fun - otherwise it’s a waste and misery.

E.g my son is obsessed with safari wildlife so we’re off to a big zoo (quite a long journey) and he’s SO excited.

I wouldn’t choose a day out at a seal sanctuary because he would find it boring & it would be a waste of time and fuel.

I stopped doing experience days because I spent a fortune on some (like flying lessons) that never got done - might as well have just burned money.

It's not even that the recipients didn't like the gift it's that they are always in awkward places with time limits of when they need to be used by and people don't get round to it in time or forget (I'm terrible with tickets, thank god my DH remembers when all the ticketed things I get bought are for because when a show is 7 months after the gift was given Im going to have forgotton).

Some people have a gift (ha ha) for sucking the joy out of life. Christmas is one day a year. I reject the notion that I should feel guilty for buying "stuff" for Christmas. And if someone entered me into a run of any length, I'd laugh in their face and suggest that particular gift-exchange come to a screeching halt!

I'm all for avoiding waste and trimming down the list of obligations people to buy for to closest family/friends, but if you're going to give someone a gift, I think it should be an actual gift they will (with any luck) enjoy, not a piece of paper that says you gave to a charity in their name unless they have explicitly asked for such, of course.

@Forgetmenot37

Yeah experience days have to be well chosen and fun - otherwise it’s a waste and misery.

E.g my son is obsessed with safari wildlife so we’re off to a big zoo (quite a long journey) and he’s SO excited.

I wouldn’t choose a day out at a seal sanctuary because he would find it boring & it would be a waste of time and fuel.

The trouble is I can't think of an experience present I want. I get given them for a fancy tea in some fancy hotel an hours drive away. I might just as well spend the petrol money on something nice for tea and stay at home. I get a voucher for a fancy hotel, it will just cover one night, I'd prefer Premier Inn for a long weekend and it would be cheaper, I've no interest in a spa, a driving experience. I just can't think of one I'd like.

I started work 53 years ago, I still work part time, I don't want people deciding how I spend my time and as time goes on and I realise I have less of it to spare I resent it but then as I said I feel guilty about the waste and set off to "enjoy" the experience and I'm relieved when it is over.

I've currently got £250 worth of "experiences" sitting on the mantlepiece and I suppose I'll get more next month. I suppose when I got the first one I should have explained but I'm polite and said "how lovely" and don't know how to get out of it now.

I never buy tat. I get huge pleasure from choosing quality presents that I'm confident will make someone really happy. I once got absolutely roasted for admitting that I can easily spend upwards of £300 on each DD at Xmas. But as anyone with teens knows, the second you step inside Urban Outfitters or MAC you can easily kiss goodbye to £100 before you can blink.