To hate the 'too much stuff' brigade

[Elmer2028]

I'm probably going to get slated, but already my MIL has started going on about how the DC all have too much stuff and she's told relatives not to bother buying them anything, my sister is the same and doesn't want the 'third world guilt' of having to wrap presents so is only doing charity gifts.

I get it, I really do. The world is full of too much tat, and we need to give to those without. I'm totally for those things.

However, I just find that these people that go on about how much stuff we get when opening on Christmas Day, just really spoil things a little and take the fun out of giving?

@mam0918 It must be annoying if they are wasted and that is why I always try to use them but then I think do people want me to feel miserable wasting a day on something I never wanted to do. Yes they are always somewhere hard to get to or with funny date restrictions.

Just give me a box of chocolates or an Amazon voucher and I'm happy.

It’s annoying and your MIL sounds irritating BUT..
WE ALL NEED TO USE LESS.
Buy less. Give less. Throw away less.
We need to be able to enjoy Christmas without all the crazy buying crap again, like they did 40+ years ago.

I wonder if there is anywhere you can donate "experience" presents. I've got a spa one and thought about maybe sending it to the local hospital and asking if there is a member of staff who'd like it?

I wish people would give money rather than experience vouchers. Maybe they could accompany it with a suggestion..."Here's £60 for a nice afternoon tea but we don't mind if you spend it on Just Eat because you can't afford a babysitter." Much easier. I'm sure only about 1/2 of the vouchers end up being used and they tend to be a great source of stress to the recipient to organise. And you get the shit dates/limited times when booking, as you're a "captive" market.

Your MIL is BU of course, but in general the 'too much stuff' brigade are not.

One Christmas my MIL gave my kid 13 pieces of plastic shite. That's not a gift - that's a pain in the arse 1) to store and 2) try to find any kind of environmentally-friendly way to dispose of it all when it imediately breaks.

We've got to normalise giving and getting second hand stuff, it's thrifty, it's good for the planet.

I think it is a balance between not drowning in pointless stuff that goes to waste and not being a joyless CF or using it as an excuse to not spend money! And it is downright mean not to buy stuff for kids.

I know that this is a zombie thread but it drives me mad when people say that. No, I'm disabled and quite broke, I do need "stuff" sometimes.

Re ‘experiences’ dh was once given a gliding lesson. As it happened he throughly enjoyed it, but before they went up, the pilot said, ‘Do you actually want to do this, or do you just feel you have to, because it was a present and you’ll feel bad for wasting it?’

So I dare say that happens quite a lot.

OP, does she accept presents you / DH gets her?

I would stop getting her presents.

"Perhaps not lazy or boring for the recipients who for whom it may be transformative" - but it's not actually a real, existing goat. The goat is purely symbolic. You donate £20 or whatever to the charity and according to them this represents the sum of money that could buy someone a goat. But this doesn't mean that the £20 from your card is therefore used to buy a goat - it goes into the charity's pot of money and could be used on a goat, or it could be used on an executive's salary, or in Oxfam's case on enabling the rape of little girls abroad. There's no guarantee of an actual concrete goat being given to anyone! This is why they annoy me so much! www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/article-6474797/Heres-truth-charity-ploy-really-goat.html

@Gliderx

I wish people would give money rather than experience vouchers. Maybe they could accompany it with a suggestion..."Here's £60 for a nice afternoon tea but we don't mind if you spend it on Just Eat because you can't afford a babysitter." Much easier. I'm sure only about 1/2 of the vouchers end up being used and they tend to be a great source of stress to the recipient to organise. And you get the shit dates/limited times when booking, as you're a "captive" market.

I remember reading a something like 20% of gift vouchers are never redeamed but I'd guess experience vouchers (spas, restaurants, etc) will be higher.

@ancientgran

I wonder if there is anywhere you can donate "experience" presents. I've got a spa one and thought about maybe sending it to the local hospital and asking if there is a member of staff who'd like it?

I bet hospital staff would love it, often spa vouchers are mid week, even carers in your local nursing home would appreciate it.

[quote pucelleauxblanchesmains]"Perhaps not lazy or boring for the recipients who for whom it may be transformative" - but it's not actually a real, existing goat. The goat is purely symbolic. You donate £20 or whatever to the charity and according to them this represents the sum of money that could buy someone a goat. But this doesn't mean that the £20 from your card is therefore used to buy a goat - it goes into the charity's pot of money and could be used on a goat, or it could be used on an executive's salary, or in Oxfam's case on enabling the rape of little girls abroad. There's no guarantee of an actual concrete goat being given to anyone! This is why they annoy me so much! www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/article-6474797/Heres-truth-charity-ploy-really-goat.html[/quote]
Well yes, I am not a total idiot, I know that it's not necessarily an actual goat. And of course we have to be very circumspect and careful in charitable donations. But the posters dismissal of such a gift as boring and lazy sounded quite dismissive and spoilt. I stand by that.

Why isn't there an "in-between"? Why can't we return to the style of things a few decades ago, where presents were given and received, trees and decorations bought, cards and wrapping paper used (and re-used), seasonal food consumed, but just...less of it? Surely there is a middle ground between the consumerism-fest that continues from 1 September-24 November, vs handwringing about how evil and unethical it is to send a Christmas card.

@theleafandnotthetree Well, you'd be suprised at how many people think it's a real goat. And my point was you have no idea if it's transformative for anyone or not - to be honest, my view is if you want to do charity gifts you should ask for them for yourself rather than deciding for other people that that's what you'll get them.

Even if your 100% anti tat, you could still give things that would definitely get used or recycled. Like nice candles or hygiene stuff. Or kids clothes.

I guess it makes life easier as you dont need to reciprocate. So saves money and space.

There is joy in giving but one present is fine. Some relatives shower the children to the point where they can't even decide what to play with. It can get ridiculous especially when the givers plead being skint and borrowing money at times.
We opened accounts for the kids, so they can access this when grown up and want driving g lessons, or house deposits, much better than 50 LOL dolls!

@TrundlingAlong

Why isn't there an "in-between"? Why can't we return to the style of things a few decades ago, where presents were given and received, trees and decorations bought, cards and wrapping paper used (and re-used), seasonal food consumed, but just...less of it? Surely there is a middle ground between the consumerism-fest that continues from 1 September-24 November, vs handwringing about how evil and unethical it is to send a Christmas card.

Agreed! I think this is one of the key problems with how these arguments play out. It's so extreme. On the broader issue of consumption, living standards etc., just to revert to a 70s or 80s style of living would do a huge amount to deal with overconsumption. We don't need to live in a cave and knaw on tree bark for sustenance. Neither do we have to give up EVERY aspect of Christmas, just the real excesses. There is a phenomenal level of low hanging fruit that we would barely miss, I reckon the majority of people could cut back 20% on EVERYTHING and barely notice a difference in their quality of life.

@saleorbouy

There is joy in giving but one present is fine. Some relatives shower the children to the point where they can't even decide what to play with. It can get ridiculous especially when the givers plead being skint and borrowing money at times. We opened accounts for the kids, so they can access this when grown up and want driving g lessons, or house deposits, much better than 50 LOL dolls!

I agree to a point.

I think parents can shower their kids and grandparents can a bit (my mam always showered me with gifts now loves to do the same to my kids, it is one of the few things she truly loves and can still physically do with them so it would be cruel to stop her) but I see on threads people showering nieces/nephews/cousins/godchildren/friends children with multiple items of for crazy amounts of money to and its ridiculous.

A thread not long ago someone was asking what things to buy a godchild with a £75 budget, like why on earth would they think that's appropriate?

That's almost as much (pretty much 2/3rds) as I spend on my own kids all together (gifts from Me, Santa, Stocking, Xmas eve box etc...), its more than their tree gifts from me and just seems like trying to outdo the parents.

If you must buy a gift for your best friend's child or godchild or niece/nephew/cousin then 1 £15 or under a gift is more than enough you don't need a sack full of £75 worth of gifts.

I would honestly be uncomfortable if a friend gifted my child something worth more than £5, a token gift is far more than is expected or needed.

Surely there's a middle ground between too many presents and telling other people not to buy anything!?

@Elmer2028 please come back and tell us that you entered dmil into a marathon for the last 2 years running

£75 worth of stuff from a Godparent is insane but I'd hope a chunk of that is on practical stuff like clothes, which is easy for very small kids not so easy when they get bigger, stuff they don't like ends up loitering at the back of the wardrobe