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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate the 'too much stuff' brigade

222 replies

Elmer2028 · 27/10/2019 18:05

I'm probably going to get slated, but already my MIL has started going on about how the DC all have too much stuff and she's told relatives not to bother buying them anything, my sister is the same and doesn't want the 'third world guilt' of having to wrap presents so is only doing charity gifts.

I get it, I really do. The world is full of too much tat, and we need to give to those without. I'm totally for those things.

However, I just find that these people that go on about how much stuff we get when opening on Christmas Day, just really spoil things a little and take the fun out of giving?

OP posts:
bridgetreilly · 27/10/2019 18:47

Actually I think YABU. If your MIL was spouting about too much stuff on Christmas morning when everyone is opening their presents, fair enough to say that was spoiling the fun. But to have the conversation now is really sensible. Children DO have too much stuff, in most cases, and they DON'T need overwhelming amounts more to open on Christmas Day in order to have a lovely time.

AJPTaylor · 27/10/2019 18:47

There is stacks of stuff which is useful. Nice books, clothes, board games, roller skates and scooters.
My girls went through a phase of plastic pink tat. But it wasn't to them!

dottiedodah · 27/10/2019 18:48

I think its mean of MIL to put sanctions on your DC gifts! Your children are only small once ! Christmas is a time for giving .Children get very excited .Maybe you could explain to your rellies that you welcome maybe wooden toys /clothes( if they are young) ,Maybe some money /vouchers if older .

ThatMuppetShow · 27/10/2019 18:48

nd she's told relatives not to bother buying them anything!

Surely no one can be this rude!!!!
Who the fuck does she think she is! I am guessing she doesn't want to spend any money and is finding any excuse she can.

ThatMuppetShow · 27/10/2019 18:50

Children DO have too much stuff, in most cases, and they DON'T need overwhelming amounts more to open on Christmas Day in order to have a lovely time.

you can talk about YOUR own children, no one gives you the right to judge other families! That has nothing do with you and is absolutely none of your business.

I do judge a bit when I do read articles about parents proud to buy 200 gifts for Christmas, and the fact they are proudly in the paper is a clue anyway, but otherwise, who cares how other families manage.

TwiddleMuff · 27/10/2019 18:52

The issue for me is that they like unwrapping the stuff but it just ends up gathering dust. What’s the point of gifts like that?

Mine tend to have one “big” gift that a few people pitch in for (a bike etc) and then quite a few experience gifts like pool membership, ice cream parlour vouchers, zoo passes... and a stocking with stuff they will use through the year.

I think many of us are entitled and brainwashed into thinking “more is best” and don’t think about where those mountains of gifts will end up in a year.

EssentialHummus · 27/10/2019 18:55

I'd probably be a paid up member of the brigade if I were Christian, as it stands I'm an honorary member Grin. I get a near-physical nausea at the amount of disposable/single use stuff I see for sale starting before Halloween and then ramping up to a crescendo on 25 December with an encore in the Next Boxing Day sales.

But, no, not her place to decide for you/your DC. And there's a huge open field, as a PP said, between oceans of tat and an Oxfam goat.

80skid · 27/10/2019 18:58

Too much stuff is a completely valid mindset. Perhaps she can take your children out for the day or pay for an ongoing activity for them instead? I'm sure she'd still like to treat them without adding to piles of disposable tat

managedmis · 27/10/2019 19:00

Too much stuff is a completely valid mindset. Perhaps she can take your children out for the day or pay for an ongoing activity for them instead?

^^

Same here. I wish FIL would take DS out for the day to a museum or something

swimlyn · 27/10/2019 19:03

…Like anything, people don’t broadcast things they feel strongly about unless they want recognition…

Very well put @Merryoldgoat. I would add that in my experience they also want to bond, and make allies. I’ve seen a lot of this with racist people for example.

mamandematribu · 27/10/2019 19:06

I'd be really pissed off if somebody gave me a silly 'cow in Africa' type charity gift for my birthday or Christmas. It's so lazy and boring.

myself2020 · 27/10/2019 19:14

Can we trade MILs? (actually, my MIL is fine, BIL and SIL are the issue) i’m just sick and tired of bringing stuff to the charity shop after christmas. my kids play with a small selection of toys, the rest never even gets looked at

Tolleshunt · 27/10/2019 19:14

I’d be telling her I was upset she had taken it upon herself to do this, and would ask her to tell people she had got it wrong. Who does she think she is?! Not her call to dictate.

PixieDustt · 27/10/2019 19:16

YANBU

Bluewavescrashing · 27/10/2019 19:20

Ask her what she will buy them instead, eg a day out, theatre tickets etc. She rounds mean.

Trying to cut down on waste is a good idea and most children do have too much stuff. But she's been tactless and rude.

Sil said to me a couple of years ago, shall we just buy for each other's children and not adults? I agreed so we have that arrangement. However my brother and I still exchange gifts for the adults as we are all quite easy to buy for and tend to buy useful gifts for each other. Everyone enjoys the giving and receiving. I buy during the year in sales and it's not a huge amount.

I have also cut out Christmas cards completely - was too busy last year and the world didn't end. I won't send them again. Also no random boxes of biscuits / bottles of wine for neighbours, colleagues etc. People are welcome to pop in for drinks and a mince pie but I just think we all end up with too much treat stuff in the house by swapping generic consumables like this.

My DH and I have bought each other a holiday. I'm buying second hand mostly for my DCs but they won't notice as its all in fab condition. My parents and in laws have nice gifts I've chosen for them - I think I know them quite well. Nieces and nephews have books and cinema vouchers.

Hopefully a good balance between saving the world and sucking the fun out of everything.

Winsomelosesome · 27/10/2019 19:20

She can choose not to buy gifts if she likes but she's got a cheek telling others not to. I'd set up a bank account for your DC and tell her you agree they've got too much stuff so she can give cash from now instead to put towards experiences or activities and hand her the account details.

Nextphonewontbesamsung · 27/10/2019 19:20

My local FB pages and charity shops are crammed full to the rafters of "unwanted gifts" and "never used" toys that I just know kindly relatives have bought for children and they've never even been opened! Most kids get WAY TOO MUCH at Christmas. Really.

Buy them something to wear or something to eat if you must.

MrOnionsBumperRoller · 27/10/2019 19:22

As i only have 1DC, walk mostly everywhere, never fly and buy most of my own stuff second hand, i reserve the right to spoil DD rotten at Christmas (with affection aswell as presents!).

MacabreMannequinFun · 27/10/2019 19:27

Arghhh I totally empathise!
My mil has basically said "I don't think the boys need any more things, let me know if you want me to get them anything but otherwise I'll just get them clothes" actually MIL my kids need books, building blocks, useful learning things, they certainly don't need bloody clothes Hmm I feel like she's just using this trend to basically do what she wants. I bloody hate the clothes she buys they're all slogan and character crap.

MacabreMannequinFun · 27/10/2019 19:29

Oh and my children certainly don't knt have too much tat. I really like open ended toys, peg dolls, loose parts, building materials etc. But people don't like to buy those as gifts for some reason. It's a control thing.

SchadenfiendeUnmortified · 27/10/2019 19:31

I think it's unfair of MIL to decide whether your kids get presents

This ^

Get her an African lavatory.

The mare

RB68 · 27/10/2019 19:36

I love gifts but often they are not right for me because not enough thought has gone into it. I have one or two good friends that buy for me and I for them (They have no one else buying for them adult wise that would get a half way decent gift) so we reciprocate and its just us girls

I have to think of my own at home as well as everyone else's so its nice to have people who will buy me pretty, arty or crafty things which I would like to buy myself but I get lovely suprise things which is what gifting is about

As for kids I try to get things I know they will love to death mitigating the plastic tat type guilt. If they love it and use it well rather than letting it flounder in the toy cupboard or in pieces on the floor then in my mind its justified e.g. would be lego or toy kitchens & things for kids or bike or family game.

LovePoppy · 27/10/2019 19:38

Don’t invite MIL or your sister to gift opening events.

What a bizarre thing to do to speak on your behalf re gifts

Lovemusic33 · 27/10/2019 19:40

I hate tat and would rather people didn’t buy stuff for my kids for Christmas as most of it ends up in land full or being regifted. I would rather people set aside time to spend together (a meal or trip out) because kids really do get too much tat. I love Christmas but my best memories of Christmas are not the present but spending time visiting family, sharing food and playing games.

I hate it when relives ask me what they can get my dd's for Christmas, they are now teenagers and only really want cash and I hate asking for cash gifts so I have to rack my brains to think of something that doesn’t involve adding to the tat pile.

ThatMuppetShow · 27/10/2019 19:46

I hate that "kids get too much tat"

you might speak for yourself, but mine don't .They do have tat from kinder surprises, and some Happy Meals thinking about it, but apart from that they haven't got tat.
They do have LOADS of things to be fair, but these things are toys they play with, games, books and more toys. None of that qualifies as tat.

And now that I won't have any more kids, we sell or pass things on when they grow out of them.
Just because some of yours have plenty of tat doesn't mean it applies to every child.

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