To hate the 'too much stuff' brigade

[Elmer2028]

I'm probably going to get slated, but already my MIL has started going on about how the DC all have too much stuff and she's told relatives not to bother buying them anything, my sister is the same and doesn't want the 'third world guilt' of having to wrap presents so is only doing charity gifts.

I get it, I really do. The world is full of too much tat, and we need to give to those without. I'm totally for those things.

However, I just find that these people that go on about how much stuff we get when opening on Christmas Day, just really spoil things a little and take the fun out of giving?

Yes against self righteous anything but you can do gifts without proselytising. I can’t stand the buying for the kids only - it merely increases the amount the dc get and makes them have crazy expectations.

We have a huge family we see rarely and every single Christmas crazy amounts of stuff they don’t need comes through the door.

We whatsapp each other with present ideas. I am told what the children would like so go with that. Communication well beforehand saves a lot of grief and tat I find.

I love presents and the exchange of tokens of love and friendship and kinship.
I also hate tat and clutter.
It’s quite possible to do presents without tat. You give people’s favourite drink or treat food - small portions of very high quality chocolates or hamper food or wine. You need to do your research to be sure it’ll be to the receiver’s taste but that’s the “thought” in “it’s the thought that counts”.

I hate experience gifts. A Ticketmaster voucher, fair enough, but most of them are just awful and end up costing loads extra in terms of time, childcare and money. Spa Days, laser quest, paint ball, hot air balloons. No thanks!

Ooh! I'm kind of on the fence here, not read all the replies.
Yes, sometimes it's too much and you get so much "stuff" when they're little and you think "please nooo, where am I supposed to put it all?!"
It absolutely is not the place of MIL, (or your mother either before anyone accuses me of being a MIL hater lol) to decide that your kids can't have presents!
Just no.
YANBU

I would love to have family to buy things for my kids. There's specific things they want (hoodie for their sport/hobby, specific lego set, themed dressing gown, certain books, craft items) and we cant really afford them. May be tat to some people but its what Id like my children to have.

I also hate the “gifts only for children” thing. I hate the kids getting showered with gifts and doing no giving themselves. It’s an exchange and while my ds is far too young to buy gifts he’s fully involved in the “we are giving this to aunty x” plan and the wrapping and handing over.

Would be far better to buy "things" that last and are wanted than more sugary treats that are transitory.

I agree with MIL's sentiment, but think she is bang out of order telling your relatives that your DC don't want presents. It is none of her business and, besides - and as others have pointed out - there are lots of potential presents that are not plastic tat.
I would however make sure that I didn't buy MIL a present, in accordance with her wishes, and buy charity presents for your sister and her children.

@NumberblockNo1 but that stuff would not be 'tat'. Those are things that your DC want and would use.

Tat is stuff that is bought for the sake of buying, maybe as part of a 3 for 2 deal, or to make the budget up so that each child has had exactly the same amount spent on them for instance.

I was guilty of this myself last year. Decided I had not bought enough once I had wrapped it all for DS and then overspent in the last few days before Christmas. Suffered for it in January, and DS was really quite overwhelmed and grumpy on the day itself. It was utterly stupid and I won't be doing it this way.

Calamity Jane. I dont thjnk its tat but people whose family are giving experiences or dispoable treats in the thread could be givig stuff like in my list. I think the OP/many of us are sayjng when the "too much stuff" brigade extends to not getting stuff they want as they dont do "stuff."

Many people are talking of experiences or home made jam or chocolates etc or saying children have too much "stuff." I would dearly love to have some family willing/able to buy "stuff" as above!

@NumberblockNo1 - if I know what the recipient wants, I’m happy to get it for them - but if I don’t know what they want, and still want to get them something, I’d rather get them something consumable than get them something that will last but they might not like and would either feel they had to make room for, or would just end up in the charity shop.

I have to admit, thought, that there is an element of laziness about it. I have done so many Christmases that I ran out of inspiration years ago, and a delivery of some posh jam/chutney/biscuits is easy - no imagination required and only half an hour or so in front of the computer, to knock off a sizeable chunk of my present list. And I figure it’s better than yet another calendar or photo frame.

This is adults that I’m giving to, though - for children, I would definitely take the time to find out what they want.

I don't think your mil should be telling others not to buy for your children :/ its massively overstepping. Toys can be given to charity and re used and if people want to get useful things they can get clothes or books

On the other side of this, I don’t want my DS burdened with too much stuff to the point where he doesn’t not enjoy, care or appreciate what he has. MIL spent circa £1000 on DSD last year and I cringe at the thought of her spending even a quarter of that amount on baby DS this year.
DSD is definitely suffering from “stuff fatigue” where the choice of things to do and play with, plus the work of keeping it all tidy (or not, room is always overflowing with crap) is too overwhelming so she ends up just sitting on ipad instead.
But your MIL is out of order for going on about it, she only gets to decide what SHE wants to give your DC.

@ EmperorBallpitine can you post a link to your greener Christmas Pinterest page? Sounds just up my alley.

@EmperorBallpitine trying that again ^^

My fav type of gift to give people is an experiential gift that will challenge them, like enter them into a half marathon in 6 months time! That's a great present especially for younger people who have more time

The only worse present than this is entering them into a full marathon.

Wow Yousee. Different world. Im trying to manage to get together the things I know my children do want. It wont come to 1000 simply as we dont have that!

DisneyMadeMeDoIt
There is a middle ground between ‘here’s 45 toys from the £ shop which will break immediately’ and ‘I bought a goat for a Kenyan family in your name- happy 7th birthday
Hilarious!

play her at her own game, get both mil and sil ( and her kids if she has them) charity gifts for xmas, maybe a nice goat for some 3rd world village, and exclaim with excitement about the wonderful gift, how she inspired you and how you wanted her to know you really listen to her and understand her charitable views... get everyone else actual gifts

@EmperorBallpitine, second what mathanxiety said. Please do post a link to your pinterest board. The DIY crackers sound great. Also, love your username.

I don’t want gifts from anyone (other than my husband) and feel depressed every year doing my Christmas shopping. It’s just pure consumerism and materialism. BUT, that doesn’t extend to kids and I always enjoy buying a kid a new toy because they will genuinely play with it and get some use out of it.

Yabu to hate the too much stuff brigade. It's a better and more responsible way. Yanbu at all to be pissed off about the interference. That's outrageous.

Definitely get her the mn charity goat!

I quite like buying tat for my dc but sometimes feel that way when other people do it, usually just because they don’t know the dc well enough to buy the right tat they will like so it does get charity shopped etc.