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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To hate the 'too much stuff' brigade

222 replies

Elmer2028 · 27/10/2019 18:05

I'm probably going to get slated, but already my MIL has started going on about how the DC all have too much stuff and she's told relatives not to bother buying them anything, my sister is the same and doesn't want the 'third world guilt' of having to wrap presents so is only doing charity gifts.

I get it, I really do. The world is full of too much tat, and we need to give to those without. I'm totally for those things.

However, I just find that these people that go on about how much stuff we get when opening on Christmas Day, just really spoil things a little and take the fun out of giving?

OP posts:

manicmij · 28/10/2019 21:19

Foubd - found.

ToftyAC · 28/10/2019 22:58

I do subscribe to your MILs thinking to a point. I can’t remember the last time I was given a gift I love or even like for either birthday or Xmas, so I’d rather people didn’t bother and bought something for charity. However, when it comes to my boys - PRESENTS please. Neither have ever been ungrateful and always love their gifts.

squeekums · 28/10/2019 23:29

How rude of MIL, its not her choice to tell other family to get your kids gifts or not.

Honestly, charity gifts? to me they are only about making the giver feel good, making them feel they have some moral high ground. Unless ive specifically said donate to instead of, id be annoyed at a donation in my name. What if i dont like that charity? Like if you donated in my name to a charity with a religion backing, id be FUMING.

We go all out for DD and the nephews on christmas, birthdays, easter. Why not, its fun, they enjoy it, as do we. We buy stuff we know they will love and enjoy, whats its made from is irrelevant, where its made is irrelevant

squeekums · 28/10/2019 23:35

My fav type of gift to give people is an experiential gift that will challenge them, like enter them into a half marathon in 6 months time

I dont know if id laugh or cry if i recieved this
Worst Present Ever

mamandematribu · 28/10/2019 23:43

An experiential gift would be rubbish. A waste of money just for the bearer to look eco and trendy.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/10/2019 00:35

That’s a sweeping generalisation, @mamandematribu - it’s only a waste if the recipient doesn’t enjoy the experience!

I gave dh an experience gift for his birthday last year - he went to a Birds of Prey centre and got to handle a variety of the birds, and even fly some of them. He thinks co does are amazing creatures, and he got to get really close to one.

He had an brilliant time, has some great memories, and it was a much better gift for him than clothes or some other stuff.

Blackbear19 · 29/10/2019 07:47

In my opinion experience gifts only really work if you facilitate them too, ie take the person there watch them, take photos enjoy time with them.

Restraunt vouchers only work if your giving a couple enough for a meal.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/10/2019 12:50

Well - I didn't have to facilitate dh's Condor experience (it was an all day thing, so I had to stay at home to dog-sit) - though one anecdote proves very little, I know. I did have to remind him to book it, though.

I think experience gifts only work if you know the person is going to appreciate and enjoy the experience, and it isn't going to cost them an arm and a leg to enjoy said experience.

Last year, ds2, who was in his first job and felt generous as a result, gave his brothers experience gifts - a voucher for a meal for two for ds3 to take his girlfriend out, and a driving experience for ds1 who is a real petrolhead. And then for Mothers' Day this year, the three of them got together to buy me a macaron making class - which was amazing. I have said for ages that I'd like to be able to make macarons, but I know they are a bit tricky so had never dared try on my own, so the class was an inspired gift.

In fairness, I should say that ds2 did come and drive me to it - so I guess he proves your point, @Blackbear19.

I will stop now - I have completely failed to make any coherent points, I fear!

ravenshope · 29/10/2019 18:08

Rather surprised to hear of the ubiquitous hatred for charity goats. when Oxfam Unwrapped began I got my Dad and his wife one and he (spontaneously; I didn't ask) said it was the best present they'd had that year...

Back in the 70s my grandparents used to give us clothes rather than toys as they thought we had too many toys. Horrible, "smart", good quality dresses. We probably did have too many toys as I didn't mind the lack of toys from them, just hated having to wear the stiff dresses!

DappledThings · 29/10/2019 18:29

Rather surprised to hear of the ubiquitous hatred for charity goats

I like them ravenshope! My family only do goats for all the adults. It's such a relief. I don't always stick goats. I use the goodgifts website and mix it up a bit. Bought my dad £10 of bull semen one year.

6utter6ean · 29/10/2019 18:44

I hate tat too, and would much rather be given a charity, consumable or experiential gift.

If you're buying for kids, though, how about a small gift to unwrap and money into a savings fund? The generations below ours (well, below me, who's 48) are going to find it increasingly hard to get on the property ladder. If the point of gift-giving is to celebrate the love you have for that person, then helping in some small way towards securing their future is a pretty good way of demonstrating that, I would have thought rather than buying them plastic tat

Justapatchofgrass · 29/10/2019 18:48

I hate charity gifts. I plan my giving, I utilise gift aid effectively. Anyone giving me a gift ends up giving less to charity as if I gave myself I then donate the tax refund as well.

My DD did buy 8 goats but directly through a small local charity. Her friends dad had originally been raised in the village and now had a charity that employed local people when he went over each year (at his own expense) to visit relatives he directly bought the animals, supervised the building work etc.

magicautumnalhues · 29/10/2019 18:59

I suggested to my 9 year old dd that I get her the Unicef calendar this year and there were actual tears of dismay in her eyes so we went for chocolate!

I’ve suggested rspb or wwf memberships for kids in the past and that’s gone down like a cup of cold catsick. Like any gift you have to know your audience!

BillHadersNewWife · 29/10/2019 21:03

Goats are fine but not for small children.

BackforGood · 29/10/2019 21:09

My fav type of gift to give people is an experiential gift that will challenge them, like enter them into a half marathon in 6 months time

^I don't know if I'd laugh or cry if i received this
Worst Present Ever^

Absolutely. I think the number of people who would like to receive this has to be vanishingly small

Bought my dad £10 of bull semen one year.

Not a phrase you expect to read every day of the week

I find it so odd when people say no gifts for adults.

Why ? It is me, in my family that has been gradually persuading other adults to join my thinking. In our family, we don't get gifts for the nieces and nephews once they get past 21. Combination of reasons - they become adults and often move away, and you don't know them as well so end up trying to get them something you think they'd like and they politely thank you, but you all know it is a bit of a waste of money really...... they start getting together with partners - at what point do you buy for them ? When they have been going out a certain length of time or when they live together or when they get married or ?? Then you have the first problem even more multiplied......... You don't actually always then see them over Christmas - they have other places to be, and so you then start getting in to posting gifts........ they start having more specific tastes, often quite unaffordable, so maybe you give them 'money towards' but then, once you all start swapping tenners, it becomes a bit pointless........ time - if you are shopping for your own dc, maybe parents, and for younger nieces and nephews, it all takes time - to choose, to wrap , to deliver etc - when you have other stuff going on in your life, this might be time you don't have...... then of course, for many, it is cost.

cannockcandy · 06/11/2019 12:46

I think your mil overstepped the boundaries big time!
In our house we have a certain number of toy boxes, they are currently full. My son knows he will get gifts on xmas day and that when it becomes time to put them in their permanent homes they he will have to get rid of some of his old toys. These are then given to friends, sold on local sites or donated to the charity shop.
I'd tell mil to back off and then implement what I do or something similar

missmouse101 · 06/11/2019 12:52

@Camomila, you can use a pretty tea towel and reusable ribbon as a great green gift wrap!

Chillywilly93 · 09/11/2021 10:51

haha am I being mean entering people into races? I've only done it once for a family member and they were delighted! It's not like I'm entering my great grandma into a marathon, if I know someone is interested in running or similar then I think it's appropriate. Particularly when some of these races can cost £70 upwards to enter

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 09/11/2021 10:52

I feel like everyone should do their own thing!

My son does play with the toys he’s given - keeps him occupied for ages- so I don’t see the problem

Kitkat151 · 09/11/2021 10:59

Not your MILs call to decide what your kids get ( or don’t get)
I am not buying my GC any toys this year.....I have got Lion King theatre ticket shows for Christmas presents.... mind you they cost far more than I would normally have spent on toys 🙄

politics4me · 09/11/2021 11:23

I’m with you. The thing is it’s usually people who just feel like they’ve found a way to justify they’d stinginess.
Yes. And bossiness.

5keletor · 09/11/2021 11:51

I don't say anything, but I do silently dread the huge plastic toy influx from one set of grandparents. However, my kids don't really bother with them after a few days (which is why we only get them a few gifts they'll use and love). My parents ask what they want and get that along with a few other little bits, but they also spend a lot of time with them. In-laws don't bother seeing them then dump huge, expensive gifts on them for Christmas that inevitably get given to charity after a few weeks tops because they're usually not she appropriate or the kids just aren't interested. I would much rather they took an interest generally, but we never tell them not buy gifts so as not to hurt feelings.

5keletor · 09/11/2021 11:53

*not age-appropriate

WingsOfGahan · 09/11/2021 11:58

I loathe 'experience' gifts everyone seems to be obsessed with now, they are a pain and I never enjoy the experience. Would much prefer a present. And anyway, if I get given, for example, a beautiful jug or some gorgeous bath oil, using the item is an experience.
Presents don't have to be 'tat'. Just something nice.

minipie · 09/11/2021 12:00

By mutual agreement we all do charity gifts for adults (I use Goodgifts too and think I may have done the bull semen )

The children do get presents, including plastic toys - but we ask the DC for ideas so ensure it’s stuff that will get used.

I agree it’s not for your MIL to decide whether your DC get presents!

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