To hate the 'too much stuff' brigade

[Elmer2028]

I'm probably going to get slated, but already my MIL has started going on about how the DC all have too much stuff and she's told relatives not to bother buying them anything, my sister is the same and doesn't want the 'third world guilt' of having to wrap presents so is only doing charity gifts.

I get it, I really do. The world is full of too much tat, and we need to give to those without. I'm totally for those things.

However, I just find that these people that go on about how much stuff we get when opening on Christmas Day, just really spoil things a little and take the fun out of giving?

Who made Mil the family present police? Start a message on the family WhatsApp that she wants her gifts this year and every year hereafter to be donations to charities. Then buy her a toilet in a 3rd world country, as PP suggested - or a goat. I'd get a gold envelope and when she opened it expecting tickets it would be a goat voucher for a poor farmer somewhere. "... because we know you don't want more stuff!"

Wow - pleased it's not just me! My MIL is generally found doing things to irritate us all on purpose whilst making herself not look bad by giving a 'credible reason'.

I really like some of the suggestions on here though of cutting back whilst embracing Christmas.

My MIL bangs on about this too. Although my children do like opening and then playing endlessly with their ‘tat’. However we now ask MIL to give them some money instead and they go on a post Christmas shopping spree with us. They love it and end up getting the tat they wanted ;)

I wish I had the same balls as you lot to tell my MIL to sneck our and mine her own! I don't dare ruffle feathers but I'm hoping relatives will ask in front of her what the DC what, so I can put our own requests in.

Christmas Day is the one day out of 365 when buying loads of tat is warranted.

I was thinking about how little we actually have bought for our kids this year, besides birthday and Christmas. I'm looking forward to getting them some nice things, although TRYING to limit on plastic and "tat".
I help run a fb page for our local area with a focus on environment and ideas for cutting waste. Lots of people have been sharing "boycott crackers" type posts but I hate the smug killjoy sort of feeling that promotes. I made a Pinterest board full of ideas for an ethical Christmas, from food choices, zero waste gifts, biodegradable wrapping, diy crackers.
We can all have a lovely reduced waste homely Christmas without boycotting or banning or spoiling a child's fun.

Its as stupid as these people putting a spending limit on their own children for the sake of it and to look superior on their Facebook page.

Buy within your budget by all means, but refusing to spend enough is how your kids end up with tat!

I think there's a big difference between stuff for the sake of it and more meaningful stuff. For years my mum used to have this really annoying habit of rushing out to buy "a few more presents" on Christmas Eve - even though she'd spent weeks, if not months, buying presents for everyone.

And then just buying token stuff no one needed... This also happens when the gift buyers don't really know the recipient well enough. So maybe instead of relatives not buying anything, they could contribute towards presents your kids will actually use and enjoy?

Now that my poor mother has just gone and I don’t see the family much I will probably not be buying any presents at all this year. The nieces will want cash, the DD is crowd funding a designer handbag, the DH and I gave up buying presents for each other years ago, the son will want money too. It’s all rather sad. No Christmas shopping for me. How sad.

I think there's a massive difference between buying someone a physical gift and an experiential gift like a spa day or something. Yes there is an argument that physical gifts are creating more tat, but experiential gifts aren't. So I like to get people things like that. My fav type of gift to give people is an experiential gift that will challenge them, like enter them into a half marathon in 6 months time! That's a great present especially for younger people who have more time

My DH has a bit of this and it pisses me off SO much. I buy good quality toys....things that last. When my DC have grown out of them I always pass them on to friends or charity.

That's not wasteful. Waste is buying loads of plastic shite...

Up to a certain age children will have no expectations other than those they've been encouraged to have by the adults in charge, I would have thought?

My fav type of gift to give people is an experiential gift that will challenge them, like enter them into a half marathon in 6 months time! That's a great present especially for younger people who have more time

That is one of the worst presents I have ever heard of anyone giving

I hate tat, I don't buy DS loads of plastic rubbish. I know families who do, constantly. Then it gets to birthday or Christmas and you get 'oh he has so much stuff, just take him out for the day instead'. Well actually I don't want to, I have my own child to look after and ok so an entry ticket somewhere isn't going to cost more than a gift, but our children are different ages, so we've now got to pay for your child, me, probably DH and my child to do something your child wants to do while you have a day off. Or 'oh he really wants to see X show/event', alright but he's seven I can't just buy him a ticket and assume he'll go alone can I. CF much? I've had this from more than one person.

@Chillywilly93 do you keep friends?

I'm with the majority, in that I do agree with your MiL for me, but it is 100% not her place to start dictating to anyone what your dc get for Christmas.

Lilyflower, if you kiss the actual Christmas shopping and have any spare cash then often the big shopping centres will collect charity presents. At least all the ones round here do. Usually through local radio. So you take a ticket (eg for a child or a teenager, or an adult, that sort of thing) then you can go and choose a gift. So you still get to shop and your gift is hopefully genuinely appreciated. The only thing is you can’t wrap them for security reasons.

Hope you don’t mind me making this suggestion.

I have had a conversation with my family and partner and we've agreed that we would only buy gifts that we KNOW will be appreciated and used. My mum in particular obsesses over spending the same on everyone, even buying things that are just pointless and unnecessary. So I think it is a good conversation to have, and it saves money.

But for your MIL to tell people not to buy things for your kids? No. That's absolutely NOT on.

I am with you, OP - and I will be watching and judging to see if all the people I know who claim to be having a second-hand/home-made/cracker-free Christmas actually do it this year.

An experience-type gift is OK if it is what the receiver wants (concert tickets for my DD, for example) but the half-marathon idea is like the restaurant voucher that doesn't cover the bill and costs the receiver more money to use it (thread earlier today).

Are we really sure a gift experience to that luxury spa, built with no expense spared, heated to tropical temperatures is really more environmentally friendly than some Body Shop smellies? I mean you are going to have to wash anyway..

I keep being given vouchers that always involve me spending more money and don't involve DS.

We can rarely get even a night out, so how we can manage to travel half way across the country and stay overnight to use a £10 voucher with all the aged expense I don't n know. Which makes me feel horribly ungrateful, but things get more difficult when you have DC and it's always childless people who give me these vouchers as gifts.

DS on the other hand has way too much plastic rubbish even though I try and steer him towards things that at least will last.

I can see both sides of this.

Your MIL is right, there is far too much giving of pointless shit and it is the responsible thing to do to instil children a sense of not giving tat for its own sake.

And yet... there is something very joyless and puritanical and virtue signalling about these people.

I think there's a middle ground whereby people can give gifts that don't lead to mountains of plastic waste etc without being so dour and preachy about it.

I had this thought today. I have, and keep being given so much stuff for DS that he doesn't need. I do dread Christmas because of it.

DH utterly disagrees with me but I honestly think the solution is a list. I started doing one for myself a few years ago. I'd just make a note on my phone of things I had looked at so that when people asked me or DH what I might like, I could tell them something from that. Nothing was expensive and presumably I save people the effort of having to wrack their brains.

I know as a working mum, I much prefer a bit of guidance when present buying. A particular perfume or brand of makeup for instance is easy to get hold of. A certain book they want to read or voucher for a shop they like.

Chillywilly93 A half marathon? I wouldn’t thank you for that!!!

I agree with pp who have suggested that MIL buys them an experience e.g. zoo pass, theme park, Disney on ice etc etc if she doesn’t want to contribute to the ‘tat’

It's not up to her to tell people, irrespectively of your own opinion on too much stuff.
Tell her to stop it and to tell people she's got it wrong, don't get her anything either.