To hate the 'too much stuff' brigade

[Elmer2028]

I'm probably going to get slated, but already my MIL has started going on about how the DC all have too much stuff and she's told relatives not to bother buying them anything, my sister is the same and doesn't want the 'third world guilt' of having to wrap presents so is only doing charity gifts.

I get it, I really do. The world is full of too much tat, and we need to give to those without. I'm totally for those things.

However, I just find that these people that go on about how much stuff we get when opening on Christmas Day, just really spoil things a little and take the fun out of giving?

there must be a middle ground between the OP's MIL and mine, who thinks fourteen small novelty presents all costing £2-3 is far more "fun" to give than the single £10 anime book my fourteen year old really wants. So much waste of resources and money. I guess the both in both examples is that the giver (or non-giver) is more invested in their own wishes than the recipient's.

Whilst I hate tat to the point that I never ever participate in even secret santas, I would be putting my MIL straight if she ever went around telling relatives that my DC have too much stuff and to not buy them anything. How fucking dare she?

I’m with you. The thing is it’s usuallt people who just feel like they’ve found a way to justify they’d stinginess.

This. It's a certain sort of puritanism/tightness which uses environmental consciousness as a figleaf.

It's also a mark of privilege to be able to bleat on about having "too much stuff" and on grounds of decency alone I think people should keep this to themselves.

Everyone knows that there's too much plastic shit and over-consumption is an environmental problem. But being pointedly judgy and puritanical about this is just pointless virtue signalling.

It’s all about balance though isn’t it?

My kids probably have ‘too much stuff’ and I’m not blind to that but growing up I had very little and like the fact they have their own things.

On the flip side, we give to charity both a financial contribution and by passing on our things. Good condition toys and clothes that could easily be sold but that we donate.

My mother would be a big tat buyer - it's her way of showing her love/thinking of us, but most of what she buys is poorly thought out and wasteful. And it got out of control with her grandchildren, some of whom lived abroad so extortionate posting charges to send a parcel full of stuff that they'd never use or wear.

We've gently steered her away with suggestionsand this year she's buying a panto experience for her GC here, and they will adore it - and she's coming too so gets to see their excitement and joy on the day. And she's really excited - far more than she would be if she bought them the usual cheap toys and wrapped them in September and forgotten even what she got them by Christmas.

My DS lost the two grandparents on the other side of the family not too long ago. He would be unable to pick out a single gift they got him but he remembers the presence of them - the walk in the snow with his grandfather, or snuggling up with granny watching TV - and those are the things that make the memories and pass the love on.

Similarly with DS, we don't give heaps of presents at Christmas - a Santa gift, surprise, stocking and a present from mum and dad and godparents is plenty - but we have 2 or 3 days out with him that the money goes on instead - or spend the day doing a gingerbread house or a movie matinee. Those are what make Christmas.

Yes people should keep their opinions to themselves regarding this. I am an oldie, and think like this, but don't say anything about it.. Having a big overload of stuff, especially children at Christmas time, says more about the gift givers than the children themselves. You then end up, with a house full of sometimes Tat stuff, that gets discarded quite soon..

Children will usually treasure a few little gifts that they receive, but they end up with their bedrooms looking like a toy shop with an overload of stuff.

If your MIL doesn't want to be given gifts herself, she's welcome to tell people that.

If she'd rather buy your DC an experience than a thing, or club together with relatives for something really good, that's great.

Clothes, books, colouring/painting/craft things days out, food, money are all other options to toys.

I'd try and avoid doing present unwraping around them would be my advice.

Every so often we got blindsided with IL and one child's brithday. MIL always went on about us having gone overboard even year it was mainly books he'd asked for something that child need to be encouraged with after struggling first few years with reading - what I think was actually meant was you've got him things he's very excited about and more than I did.

I’m with you OP, and with Rowan Marlow (Attic Term by Antonia Forest) who said
“It was one thing to give one’s own breakfast to the Hubbles, quite another to make free with someone else’s.”
It’s not very Christmassy.

Yeah I was one of those people that was determined before having kids my children wouldn't have loads of toys cluttering everything up, this has not gone as planned. As much as we don't have space for much more I do think it isnt fair to say no presents for kids. As other's say if she's so concerned consumables or experiences are good non clutter gifts, or she can just not get anything but telling other family members not to to is unfair.

I am one of the "too much stuff" brigade.

But that doesn't mean you can't give gifts at Christmas. Instead of plastic tat and piles of stuff, on behalf of my kids I'll ask for cinema vouchers, or a day out somewhere instead.

I hate tat and hate receiving unwanted gifts. I would be a bit annoyed with a charity gift though. Cash is always a good gift, tickets to a show, annul passes for a zoo, cinema or swimming pool? There’s many gifts you can give that are not “stuff”.

I would be nodding along sympathetically and saying,

"You're so right! It means so much more to get a personal, handmade gift that someone has put their love, skill and lots of time into! Or to be offered a wonderful experience, like a special outing or holiday. I can't wait to see what you come up with!"

@mamandematribu

I'd be really pissed off if somebody gave me a silly 'cow in Africa' type charity gift for my birthday or Christmas. It's so lazy and boring.

Perhaps not lazy or boring for the recipients who for whom it may be transformative. But you're right, your need to be wowed is surely more important

There’s a middle ground between tat and nothing. It’s unfair of her to dictate.
Experiences are good so show tickets, annual pass for local farm etc. or pay for activity or items for activity - ballet shoes etc.
A few well chosen gifts are not tat. Would she buy off a wish list. Everyone likes something to open.

I love one day of the year to be indulgent if I can afford it. I love giving and receiving gifts for Christmas and if people don’t like what I give there’s always the charity shop. I do, however, always put a lot of effort into giving what I think the person will like.

One thing that annoys me is I’m about to move house and people automatically assume it means I have 3 skips worth of stuff to declutter … I just don’t!

@NewbieAlert

Exactly the same here.

Can you tell DMIL you'll be over to see them once the present opening is past.
Kindly keeping the rampant materialism from her righteous eyes.

A lot of little kids like plastic tat. It's not "too much stuff" to them, it's untold treasure.

Second hand is definitely the way to go to reduce the environmental impact, but personally my DS can have a hundred (second hand) plastic animals or action figures if he plays with them and they make him happy. And if he loses interest, it gets sold/given away.

I rarely buy any non-consumables for adults now, most of us confess to having too much stuff. For dds, unless they’ve told me of anything they specifically want, it’ll be cash, with something small to open. I think I’ll probably get half a dozen pairs of nice M&S knickers for the ultra-busy dd, who I doubt would ever buy such things for herself - it’d be a cheap pack of Tesco’s or similar.

The other day I went to Kew Gardens (we’re members) on purpose to buy some strictly consumable bits from their extensive shop, for other adults in the family.

In the past I’ve ordered nice fishy things from Inverawe, smoked fish pates, etc.

Children are different, though! Little Gdcs do have IMO too many toys, but I still want to get them something they’re going to love. If I could find anything in charity shops, , fine, but if not it’ll be new.
It won’t be too long before they only want money, phones, and other tech stuff. 🙁

My fav type of gift to give people is an experiential gift that will challenge them, like enter them into a half marathon in 6 months time!

This is the worst present idea ever, however maybe OP could kindly do it for her MIL since she doesn't want more stuff.

I agree with your MIL and sis

I find the 'too much tat' brigade the ultimate hypocrites.

They always state 'tat' (basically anything cheap and not luxury) ends up 'in the landfill the next day'... then stop fucking throwing stuff into the landfill, you're the problem, not the stuff.

I own a LOT of stuff (called a hoarder) but it's because I don't just throw things out on a whim, just because it's from Primark or Poundland or 'China' doesn't mean it's a one-use novelty and should go in the bin but the middle-class snobs just can seem to grasp that.

I don't know anyone in real life who throws out toys and clothes (unless they have absolutely reached the end of their usable life and then most recycle anything that can be) but on Mumsnet you would believe anything made out of plastic is instantly hoyd into a quarry the day of xmas.

@mam0918

I find the 'too much tat' brigade the ultimate hypocrites.

They always state 'tat' (basically anything cheap and not luxury) ends up 'in the landfill the next day'... then stop fucking throwing stuff into the landfill, you're the problem, not the stuff.

I own a LOT of stuff (called a hoarder) but it's because I don't just throw things out on a whim, just because it's from Primark or Poundland or 'China' doesn't mean it's a one-use novelty and should go in the bin but the middle-class snobs just can seem to grasp that.

I don't know anyone in real life who throws out toys and clothes (unless they have absolutely reached the end of their usable life and then most recycle anything that can be) but on Mumsnet you would believe anything made out of plastic is instantly hoyd into a quarry the day of xmas.

• cant seem to grasp

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