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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to switch my day off for colleague?

210 replies

StartupRepair · 23/10/2019 09:14

My colleague lives a couple of hours flight from her DC who are 18 and 21. They live with their dad and she flies to see them every couple of months. She is due to go to see them this weekend. She has just heard that her DD has a fracture in her foot and is feeling down. Colleague would like to stay away for a week to spend more time with her DD. However colleague is booked in to do a piece of work on one of the days. Currently only she or I know how to deliver this and the date cannot be changed. (It is a 1 day course with 15 people booked in). She has asked me to cover for her.
I work 4 days and this is my day off. I have been flexible with this day on many occasions and have swapped it to help out others. I am really trying to hold the line on no longer swapping it around. On the actual day my colleague wants cover I have booked lunch with 2 dear friend s. It has literally taken us 6 months to find a day that we could all meet.
I am a bit of a reliable workhorse type and my colleague has a bit of a chaotic life. I am sympathetic to her wanting to spend time with her DD but I am also learning to be protective of my day off.
AIBU not to swap?

OP posts:
FredaFrogspawn · 23/10/2019 09:16

Just say you really can’t do it. And that you hope she can find a solution.

SheRaTheAllPowerful · 23/10/2019 09:16

YADNBU

EL8888 · 23/10/2019 09:17

I personally don’t think you’re unreasonable to not swap. You already have plans and they don’t sound easy to change / move. Playing devils advocate but how often does she help you or others with swaps? I know what it’s like when you are helping others out but mysteriously people are less likely to help you with a swap

KatherineJaneway · 23/10/2019 09:18

YANBU. Tell her you have plans you cannot change and don't discuss further.

cactusthief · 23/10/2019 09:19

YANBU at all. Her chaotic lifestyle shouldn't impact on yours. Definitely be strong and say no. Don't say 'no because I'm having lunch' or not because I'm busy' just say 'no, I'm sorry I can't'

MrsFezziwig · 23/10/2019 09:22

I am you, OP. I think because of the lunch you mentioned even I wouldn’t swap. Can’t she change her flight and go the following week when you probably would be able to accommodate her having a longer stay?

seaweedandmarchingbands · 23/10/2019 09:23

Until I saw you had a commitment I was thinking I would say just change it, but don’t. It’s not your problem and you have plans.

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 23/10/2019 09:24

YANBU, fair enough if you didn't have plans, but you do so just say you can't change your day off and she will have to sort something else out.

NoHummus · 23/10/2019 09:25

YANBU. She can go and spend time with her DD when she doesn't have work commitments. Enjoy your lunch!

TheTrollFairy · 23/10/2019 09:25

If you have something booked I wouldn’t change the day.
If you were just saying you wouldn’t swap to try and stop people asking you then it’s different!

LizzieSiddal · 23/10/2019 09:27

I was going to say I thought you should swap, but you have plans which are important and have taken a while to arrange, so no YANBU

Leflic · 23/10/2019 09:29

I think your plans are as important as hers actually given its long standing commitment.
I get why she wants the time off but frankly her children are adults and it’s a broken bone not a life threatening condition.
Stay firm.

JacquesHammer · 23/10/2019 09:30

YANBU - it would be a kindness to swap in the circumstances if you didn't have plans but you do.

They're as important as anyone else's plans and of course you're not unreasonable to want to stick to those, nor should you feel in any way guilty about it!

AfterSchoolWorry · 23/10/2019 09:30

A grown up child with a fractured foot?

Not an emergency. Let her sort something else out.

Yanbu

Soontobe60 · 23/10/2019 09:30

I’d swap in this instance. Her dd has a broken leg, she has to fly out to see her, it’s not like she can nip over in the evening. You can easily change the lunch date, her dd can’t change having a fracture. Her ‘chaotic’ lifestyle is irrelevant to this.
Just out if interest how many times have you swapped your day off with her?

FriedasCarLoad · 23/10/2019 09:35

If you didn’t have plans, it would be kind of you to switch.

With such long-standing plans, you’d be unkind to switch - unkind to your friends.

AuntieStella · 23/10/2019 09:37

"You know I have always swopped when I can. I'm sorry but I cannot swop this time'

If pushed 'it does not work for me this time'

If rudely pushed again: 'It does not work for me thus time. I have plans and they are private. Please do not ask again'

onthecoins · 23/10/2019 09:38

YANBU, you already have plans for that day.

IF you had no plans i'd think it would be a bit meant o not swap, but in this instance you do.

Butterflyone12e · 23/10/2019 09:40

It's not your responsibility but if you had priorities over comforting a child (albeit an adult child) or lunch with girlfriends then clearly morally we know which one takes precedence.

I think if you liked this colleague as a friend then you'd help out but you don't want to. That's your choice.

You already have plans so that's understandable not wanting to change but I personally would swap my luck to help someone out (only if I liked them though!).

MonChatEstMagnifique · 23/10/2019 09:41

I'd probably swap as its for one of her kids but you're under no obligation so YANBU.

jillandhersprite · 23/10/2019 09:44

I think you have to say straightaway - "I know I am always the one to be flexible but on this occasion I have a commitment which has taken a long time to arrange and cannot be cancelled so unfortunately I can't do it this time. Sorry but please remember I have already swapped for you xxx times in the last xxx, so its not because I don't want to help, its because on this occasion I can't."

ThatMuppetShow · 23/10/2019 09:44

be apologetic and tell her that unfortunately you have plans you cannot change that day.

DO NOT tell her you are meeting friends, just that you have made arrangements months ago and you really can't change.

You are not doing anything wrong. And honestly, a fractured foot is an absolute pain, but you can still manage your day-to-day life fairly well, so do not feel bad anyway .

DontMakeMeShushYou · 23/10/2019 09:45

YANBU. You have a prior engagement on that day and therefore you are not free to swap.

Mummyoflittledragon · 23/10/2019 09:46

Yanbu
I presume by the look of it you’ve helped her out before. You are also entitled to a life. If you want to be kind, maybe offer to help her out another time if she swaps x with you and she can change her flight accordingly.

BigFatLiar · 23/10/2019 09:47

Don`t swap. You say you already have the reputation as the reliable workhorse, no doubt the flexible one, soon people will be offended to think you can't just drop your arrangements to suit them. Been there done that put your foot down and have a life of your own.