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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to switch my day off for colleague?

210 replies

StartupRepair · 23/10/2019 09:14

My colleague lives a couple of hours flight from her DC who are 18 and 21. They live with their dad and she flies to see them every couple of months. She is due to go to see them this weekend. She has just heard that her DD has a fracture in her foot and is feeling down. Colleague would like to stay away for a week to spend more time with her DD. However colleague is booked in to do a piece of work on one of the days. Currently only she or I know how to deliver this and the date cannot be changed. (It is a 1 day course with 15 people booked in). She has asked me to cover for her.
I work 4 days and this is my day off. I have been flexible with this day on many occasions and have swapped it to help out others. I am really trying to hold the line on no longer swapping it around. On the actual day my colleague wants cover I have booked lunch with 2 dear friend s. It has literally taken us 6 months to find a day that we could all meet.
I am a bit of a reliable workhorse type and my colleague has a bit of a chaotic life. I am sympathetic to her wanting to spend time with her DD but I am also learning to be protective of my day off.
AIBU not to swap?

OP posts:
Whitney168 · 23/10/2019 11:16

Did I miss the bit where the daughter feeling a bit hacked off because her foot hurts turned in to her 'struggling mentally'?

She's going to see her grown up, mildly injured daughter anyway OP - do not change your long-awaited plans!

TheSecretJeven · 23/10/2019 11:19

I can see both sides but I wouldn't swop either. If you cancel your lunch, then what happens next time something crops up abd she needs that day off? Can she go the following week?

ThatMuppetShow · 23/10/2019 11:21

colleague was not unreasonable to ask

and you are perfectly reasonable to decline.

No drama.

rainingallday · 23/10/2019 11:21

YANBU.

I'm sorry for her DC being ill, but the issues in her private life are not your responsibility, and her problems are not yours to solve.

Don't be emotionally blackmailed, say you genuinely cannot do it.

I understand what you mean about struggling to get everyone together to meet. My (4) close friends and I work different days and hours, and we don't all live near each other - the closest one to me is 1.5 miles, but the farthest one away is 25 miles away.

And in the past DH has worked odd shifts, DC has lived and worked 25 to 30 miles away, and they (and their partners,) have weekend hobbies etc etc, and it was a struggle in the past to meet up with them sometimes, and we sometimes only saw them twice a month.., and they only lived 20 to 25 miles away!!! (Both live 8-10 miles away now, so it's better.) Smile

@jillandhersrpite

I think you have to say straightaway - "I know I am always the one to be flexible but on this occasion I have a commitment which has taken a long time to arrange and cannot be cancelled so unfortunately I can't do it this time. Sorry but please remember I have already swapped for you xxx times in the last xxx, so its not because I don't want to help, its because on this occasion I can't."

This. Say this. ^ Brilliant.

KevinKlineSwoon · 23/10/2019 11:21

I would swap. Her DD

Pilot12 · 23/10/2019 11:21

Where I work it is company policy that when a member of staff is on leave/holiday/time off the other staff member must be flexible in covering for the person that is off. This applies to both members of staff. Because she is away in another country and therefore "on leave" I don't think it's unreasonable for you to cover for her. My Boss would expect me to cover for my colleague and would be very unimpressed to find me refusing to do it.

What is your company policy? What will your Boss say if you don't do it? What is the plan for when one of is off?

KevinKlineSwoon · 23/10/2019 11:22

maybe isn't serioulsy hurt but I would feel awful being away from my DDs if they were injured.

ThatMuppetShow · 23/10/2019 11:24

Because she is away in another country and therefore "on leave" I don't think it's unreasonable for you to cover for her. My Boss would expect me to cover for my colleague and would be very unimpressed to find me refusing to do it.

WHAT??! What kind of company is that!
Never heard anything so ridiculous. Of course you cover when someone is on holiday - which is why you don't authorise for everybody to take time off at the same time, but the colleague hasn't booked anything yet, of course the OP doesn't have to give up her day off!

JacquesHammer · 23/10/2019 11:28

maybe isn't serioulsy hurt but I would feel awful being away from my DDs if they were injured

And that isn't anyone else's problem to accomodate when they already have plans.

TheSecretJeven · 23/10/2019 11:28

@pilot12, it's not a "leave day", it's a non-working day. OP works 4 days a week.

TheKitchenWitch · 23/10/2019 11:35

Well then she just can't stay a whole week, can she? She'll have to be back in time to do her work. Of course you don#t have to swap with her. Just say you can't, you already have commitments. It's fine.

magicstar1 · 23/10/2019 11:35

@Pilot12 *Where I work it is company policy that when a member of staff is on leave/holiday/time off the other staff member must be flexible in covering for the person that is off. This applies to both members of staff. Because she is away in another country and therefore "on leave" I don't think it's unreasonable for you to cover for her. My Boss would expect me to cover for my colleague and would be very unimpressed to find me refusing to do it.

What is your company policy? What will your Boss say if you don't do it? What is the plan for when one of is off?*

But in this situation OP is the one with the leave...it's her day off. The other woman wants to book it off. So why is the onus on OP to sort it out?

Chloemol · 23/10/2019 11:41

I would swap, it’s not the norm for her child to have a broken leg, exceptional circumstances. I like to think how I would feel if that was me, my child ill and needing to swap and hoping someone would be kind and do that

There’s a time and place to hold your line, and I don’t think these circumstances are that time

OldEvilOwl · 23/10/2019 11:42

No you already have plans

quincejamplease · 23/10/2019 11:43

It’s the same as her asking you to work a Saturday or a Sunday to facilitate her trip.

I'm amazed how many people are unable to comprehend this very simple fact.

It's a non-working day, not a day off or leave.

Sarcelle · 23/10/2019 11:44

Just say that you are unable to swap on this occasion. If pressed say you have a commitment on that day. If she probes further, don't respond.

Original poster
StartupRepair · 23/10/2019 11:44

Sorry wrote and lost a long answer. Thank you all so much for your clear thoughts. My usual instinct is to cancel my stuff to help her out but I feel like digging in my heels. I have done a bit of swapping to help her and other colleagues and never feel it is very real to them. I am the only part time employee. We have a very complicated schedule and our boss is currently pushing us to schedule ourselves rather than go through him.
I am

OP posts:
rainingallday · 23/10/2019 11:45

@Pilot12

Glad I don't work for YOUR company!

The OP most certainly does NOT have to work her colleague's shifts. As long as she works her contracted hours, there is fuck-all the employer can do if she can't/won't do any additional hours.

I would be straight onto ACAS if they pulled such nonsensical bullshit on me.

quincejamplease · 23/10/2019 11:46

But in this situation OP is the one with the leave

No, it's the OP's non-working day. It's not leave, because she's never due in work on that day! Just like someone working Monday to Friday is not "on leave" over the weekend.

Ponoka7 · 23/10/2019 11:46

Because you have plans, it's perfectly fine to say no.

As an adult, you've got to get on with injury and accidents.

If it was a mh crisis then the DD could stay with her, or she take emergency leave.

You won't see your friends before Christmas and your mh is as important as anyone's. Keeping friendships going is important.

Original poster
StartupRepair · 23/10/2019 11:47

I am a life long people pleaser and facilitator of other people's needs and think this is one I will say no to. Of course if the DD was seriously ill or injured I would do whatever she needed.

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 23/10/2019 11:47

And of course the other point is that the adult DD is still with her father so does have one parent present if needed anyway!

maddening · 23/10/2019 11:49

Could the lunch not move to after work? If not then you can't change.

SesameOil · 23/10/2019 11:51

If you were happy to swap it would be fine, but this isn't an occasion where one person's wishes and priorities are clearly more important than the other.

Vanhi · 23/10/2019 11:52

You can easily change the lunch date, her dd can’t change having a fracture. Her ‘chaotic’ lifestyle is irrelevant to this.

The lunch date took 6 months to arrange. Rescheduling inconveniences not only the OP but two other people. The DD's foot will be broken for 4-6 weeks. Colleague can arrange an extended stay at some other point.

I have in the past always been the good old reliable mug who rearranges. You don't, ultimately, get thanked for it. You're just a good old mug everyone takes for granted.

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