Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to switch my day off for colleague?

210 replies

StartupRepair · 23/10/2019 09:14

My colleague lives a couple of hours flight from her DC who are 18 and 21. They live with their dad and she flies to see them every couple of months. She is due to go to see them this weekend. She has just heard that her DD has a fracture in her foot and is feeling down. Colleague would like to stay away for a week to spend more time with her DD. However colleague is booked in to do a piece of work on one of the days. Currently only she or I know how to deliver this and the date cannot be changed. (It is a 1 day course with 15 people booked in). She has asked me to cover for her.
I work 4 days and this is my day off. I have been flexible with this day on many occasions and have swapped it to help out others. I am really trying to hold the line on no longer swapping it around. On the actual day my colleague wants cover I have booked lunch with 2 dear friend s. It has literally taken us 6 months to find a day that we could all meet.
I am a bit of a reliable workhorse type and my colleague has a bit of a chaotic life. I am sympathetic to her wanting to spend time with her DD but I am also learning to be protective of my day off.
AIBU not to swap?

OP posts:
Throckmorton · 24/10/2019 08:42

OP is being kind. Kind to her friends by not cancelling a long-standing commitment to them

AskMeHow · 24/10/2019 09:11

Well done @StartupRepair

Enjoy your lunch with your friends.

Youseethethingis · 24/10/2019 11:08

@bakesalesally
You’re welcome! Grin

EL8888 · 24/10/2019 12:47

Glad it’s all been sorted. Enjoy the lunch

AngelsSins · 24/10/2019 12:51

I find a lot of these comments over the top to be honest. Struggling mentally?!! I mean where does that even come from?

We’re talking about a young woman with a fractured foot who lives with her dad and sister. She’s not a baby, she’s not alone and she doesn’t URGENTLY need her mum there. What’s the problem with your colleague just flying out a day later?

SchadenfiendeUnmortified · 24/10/2019 17:39

And now I'm off out. Rescheduled my week to help out a friend and need to leave now. Do I get points or something?

And well done, OP - and your colleague has been reasonable as well, which is also good. Her response will (I hope) encourage you to put yourself first occasionally more often.

I think that those posters who suggested you could be kinder are being unfair. It's pretty obvious that you, like most of us, would have cancelled your arrangements if it had been necessary - eg serious accident/illness etc.

But it wasn't. And you and your friends could have waited months for another opportunity to meet. (And who's to say that someone else might not want a swap by then?). And as another PP has pointed out - sometimes lunch with a friend - or some small, apparently non-world-shattering event - is the only thing that gets us through the rough times.

Enjoy your lunch!

SchadenfiendeUnmortified · 24/10/2019 17:40

The lunch could be moved to the evening and if friends can’t accommodate another date unless six months later then I’d not be in a rush to rearrange anyway.

Hmm
foxyariel · 24/10/2019 17:43

@StartupRepair
Good job! It sounds like you were successfully assertive. Hope you have a well deserved lunch with your friends.

Emmak789 · 24/10/2019 18:06

Tell her you have plans that can be changed...I mean 6 months planning to get together with mates, that's not something you should cancel. Tell her you would help if you could but on this occasion you really cant.

ToftyAC · 24/10/2019 18:30

OP I’m glad everything is sorted. I have also been the one to rearrange everything to accommodate colleagues (generally single parents with little help) to the detriment of my own family and friends. Never ever got any concession back and when I said no to something they’d go running off to management who made me to change things around for colleagues. I now work for a fabulous flexible company part-time and it’s a breath of fresh air. I am the only person to do this particular job (and the only one in the company who knows how to do certain aspects) so I do have to be super organised in case of an emergency, but it’s going well and the only thing I have to accommodate is when payroll has to be processed (which means making sure I also get paid). I’m really glad you put yourself first for once. You have accommodated previously so this once is just tough for your colleague. And at least she understood. I hope you have a fabulous lunch 😁

Celestine70 · 24/10/2019 18:43

YANBU. It's your choice.

Isitnearlyweekend · 24/10/2019 19:00

I would swap to be honest. You never know when you might need a favour in return and need some flexibility from your employer. Could you rearrange your lunch.

SoupDragon · 24/10/2019 19:03

🤦🏻‍♀️

FelicisNox · 24/10/2019 19:40

YANBU.

You help all the time, you have long standing plans, she needs to rearrange.

Don't tell her what the plans are, just make it clear you are sympathetic but you have something planned for the last 6 months and you cannot accommodate her on this occasion.

As I'm fond of saying: you are saying no to the request not to the person.

I agree with others in that her chaotic life is not your problem.

MrsBadcrumble123 · 24/10/2019 19:42

It’s up to you - give the excuse that you have personal health appointments booked if you don’t want to swap

Merryweather80 · 24/10/2019 21:28

A few years ago I broke 2 bones in my foot.
I was told 4-6 weeks plaster cast. Work wouldn’t allow me to work in a cast and there wasn’t another role I could do for 40 hours a week so I’d be on sick pay.
Because I couldn’t afford to live on sick pay for 6 weeks no cast went on my foot and I was back at work the next day with a bandage on and loose shoes.
It’s a small broken bone.
She’s an adult living with other adults.
I’m sure she has friends who could visit.
Besides it’s best to stay mobile as much as possible after the initial 48 hours.

Her life in no way trumps yours or your plans.
I was always the first to help people by swapping and if I ever asked for a favour to be returned it was a flat “no”.

Enjoy your lunch and catch up do not give it another thought xx

SoupDragon · 24/10/2019 22:06

The OP has explained to the colleague.
The colleague is fine about it.

BIWitch · 24/10/2019 22:11

Or, RTFT!

It's all been resolved.

Happymum12345 · 24/10/2019 23:08

I would swap.

myrtleWilson · 24/10/2019 23:21

or you could RTFT happy

Vanhi · 25/10/2019 06:43

2 days and 200 posts. Does it not occur to people things might have moved on? And if you don't want to read the whole thing, either don't comment, or highlight the OP's posts and just read them.

Twinkled · 25/10/2019 08:20

You are not being unreasonable . If she keeps asking , you to reiterate 'no, I have plans so sorry I cannot help this time '. Repeat until she gets the message . You you have plans plus this is a habit you must break that colleague thinks you can always cover . Nope

Ferret27 · 25/10/2019 08:46

Yanbu.... why can’t she add a day or two at the other end of her break ... but either way adult child ...so she will cope

Ferret27 · 25/10/2019 08:49

Well done tho OP... I’m like this and I’m permanently exhausted... stating to say no too but it’s not easy

lilypoppet · 25/10/2019 13:43

YANBU. I have Friday's off, which people often want me to swap to give them a long weekend. I've had to nip this in the bud and say no.