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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to switch my day off for colleague?

210 replies

StartupRepair · 23/10/2019 09:14

My colleague lives a couple of hours flight from her DC who are 18 and 21. They live with their dad and she flies to see them every couple of months. She is due to go to see them this weekend. She has just heard that her DD has a fracture in her foot and is feeling down. Colleague would like to stay away for a week to spend more time with her DD. However colleague is booked in to do a piece of work on one of the days. Currently only she or I know how to deliver this and the date cannot be changed. (It is a 1 day course with 15 people booked in). She has asked me to cover for her.
I work 4 days and this is my day off. I have been flexible with this day on many occasions and have swapped it to help out others. I am really trying to hold the line on no longer swapping it around. On the actual day my colleague wants cover I have booked lunch with 2 dear friend s. It has literally taken us 6 months to find a day that we could all meet.
I am a bit of a reliable workhorse type and my colleague has a bit of a chaotic life. I am sympathetic to her wanting to spend time with her DD but I am also learning to be protective of my day off.
AIBU not to swap?

OP posts:
AwdBovril · 23/10/2019 11:54

You can't swap on this occasion, as you have plans that really can't be moved as they've taken months to organise. No further discussion or details required. Your colleague / her DD will have to deal with it themselves.

Reallynowdear · 23/10/2019 11:55

YANBU

You have plans for that day, her daughter is an adult and you've been accommodating previously.

betternamepending · 23/10/2019 11:58

She is already going to see her the weekend as planned. She doesn't need to stay the whole week. Besides, if I read correctly she only really needs to be at work on your dag off, so she can fly again right after that for a few days if she really really needs to see her dsughter more. It all sounds very dramatic for a broken bone though..,

MitziK · 23/10/2019 11:58

If she personally has not asked you to swap days for her before, I'd think about whether I'd be penalising her for the things other people have asked previously.

However, if I genuinely did not want to do it, I'd say 'I'm sorry, I can't' and that would be the end of it. (Unless then there would be a load of grief from management about 'working as a team', 'supporting your colleagues and the needs of the business', etc. You know your employer better than we do - and is there a guarantee that she won't just not turn up and you'll end up being called in to deal with the course away? Is there a clause in your contract that states that you must provide cover when required?).

DP doubles his contracted hours from being the one who will cover for others, give up his day off, etc, which works for us as it's extra money and makes him more valuable to the team, thus making his employment more secure in the future (and hopefully putting him in a better position when it comes to promotion opportunities). But that works for us. If he were travelling down to see his family on that day or they were travelling up and had a chance to meet for lunch, he'd still say 'can't do it this time'.

It is up to you and what you want to do.

JacquesHammer · 23/10/2019 11:59

I’m afraid if I was you OP I’d be prepared for her not to come back in time due to an “emergency”. What would happen in that situation?

Maranello4 · 23/10/2019 12:00

As you've said - you work four days so shouldn't be asked to fill in for other colleagues. Doesn't matter what you're doing on that day off (meeting for lunch, childcare, consultancy work, caring etc etc), it's got nothing to do with her.

I work in L&D - I would be worried about a supplier who only had one form of back up cover though, ie you. What other solutions has your colleague looked into?

Madcats · 23/10/2019 12:05

I am still mystified why an adult child, living with her father and her adult sibling, needs yet another adult to support her for a week? Surely you can cheer somebody up on Skype, after having spent the weekend with them?

If the pair of them are that inseparable, then the co-worker could fly home with her daughter too. It is a bit annoying flying in a plaster cast, but it is only a foot cast (she might not even be in a cast). She ought to be pretty mobile by the weekend if she isn't already.

That said, there is probably a very big chance that your co-worker might call in sick if the course is scheduled for early in the week.

EnglishRose13 · 23/10/2019 12:17

I was in a similar position as you. I was always happy to be flexible, but when I realised that it was all take and no give, and it was just expected of me without even asking, I stopped completely. It was liberating.

Twillow · 23/10/2019 12:17

No, full stop, you have something on and cannot change it. Do not apologise either. I sound unreasonable but actually I am always willing to swap when I can but some people can exploit this.
It's a fracture in a foot, not hugely disabling or life threatening (and she may be exaggerating it anyway). They live with their dad so the child already has support.

MatildaTheCat · 23/10/2019 12:26

She’s broken her foot not her neck. YANBU.

Why should you inconvenience two other people to convenience her?

mencken · 23/10/2019 12:30

can't be done. If she isn't happy, tell her to go cry to management. Their problem.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/10/2019 12:30

you already have plans= end of

Beautiful3 · 23/10/2019 12:32

If you had no commitments then yes swap. But you do. So tell her, "I'm sorry but I have an engagement".

Jaxhog · 23/10/2019 12:40

You have a commitment that you can't/don't want to break. Just say no, sorry, not this time.

Is she likely to do something really CF like go sick? Just a thought.

FrancisCrawford · 23/10/2019 12:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mintychoc1 · 23/10/2019 12:46

YANBU

WhenPushComesToShove · 23/10/2019 12:48

The day I finally realised that everyone else's happiness wasn't down to me me was one of the best in my life. Enjoy your lunch with friends which is much more important than yet again appeasing a workmate should can't organise her own life without being propped up by you personally

Twisique · 23/10/2019 12:48

You can't swap, you have plans, you don't need to worry about it!

Abracad · 23/10/2019 12:49

You can do as you wish. You CANNOT complain at work on more generally when they refuse to cover you at some unspecified point in the future, regardless of how important your reason may be to you.

areyoubeingserviced · 23/10/2019 12:50

Her dd is an adult, the day is not convenient for you. Just say that you can’t do it

SayOohLaLa · 23/10/2019 13:00

YANBU OP. Her DD is feeling down, luckily she has a father who she lives with. He can support her.

If you'd just planned to do a supermarket shop and catch up on washing on your day off, I'd suggest you swap, but not when you already have plans that have been difficult to arrange. She / you both need a 3rd colleague to be trained up to offer this role.

GPatz · 23/10/2019 13:01

'You CANNOT complain at work on more generally when they refuse to cover you at some unspecified point in the future, regardless of how important your reason may be to you'.

Sounds like OP is owed more then a few days cover from both this, and other, colleagues. I'll bet that they need her more than she needs them.

underground76 · 23/10/2019 13:07

Her DD is an adult who has a minor injury and is a bit fed-up. That's not an emergency or any reason for you to change your plans.

If it was no skin off your nose to swap your day off, that would be fine, but you've got a prior commitment and it would inconvenience others if you had to cancel. YANBU at all!

her dd can’t change having a fracture

It's a broken foot, not a fucking stroke. She's a grown woman and she has her father there. Why are people such drama queens about such tiny stuff?

ThatMuppetShow · 23/10/2019 13:09

Abracad
is that how you play it? If anyone is ever unable to say yes to one of your requests, you spitefully refuse to lift a finger for them ever again? Charming.

Hippee · 23/10/2019 13:33

Abracad - doesn't look as though it is working that way anyway - it sounds like OP has done her fair share and got very little in return - does she have to keep on going ad infinitum just in case she needs a favour later? OP has plans - and has finally realised that she doesn't always have to put herself out for others.