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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to switch my day off for colleague?

210 replies

StartupRepair · 23/10/2019 09:14

My colleague lives a couple of hours flight from her DC who are 18 and 21. They live with their dad and she flies to see them every couple of months. She is due to go to see them this weekend. She has just heard that her DD has a fracture in her foot and is feeling down. Colleague would like to stay away for a week to spend more time with her DD. However colleague is booked in to do a piece of work on one of the days. Currently only she or I know how to deliver this and the date cannot be changed. (It is a 1 day course with 15 people booked in). She has asked me to cover for her.
I work 4 days and this is my day off. I have been flexible with this day on many occasions and have swapped it to help out others. I am really trying to hold the line on no longer swapping it around. On the actual day my colleague wants cover I have booked lunch with 2 dear friend s. It has literally taken us 6 months to find a day that we could all meet.
I am a bit of a reliable workhorse type and my colleague has a bit of a chaotic life. I am sympathetic to her wanting to spend time with her DD but I am also learning to be protective of my day off.
AIBU not to swap?

OP posts:
HeyNotInMyName · 23/10/2019 13:34

I would just say “Sorry but I can change my days”.
What I would NOT do is to go into the reasons why because she will have the same reaction than some posters and will expect you to reschedule.

HeyNotInMyName · 23/10/2019 13:34

Sorry it is
Sorry but I can NOT change my days.....

Jellybeansincognito · 23/10/2019 13:35

I would swap, you never know when you need help from someone and one day this could be you needing the help off someone else.

OnlyTheTitOfTheIceberg · 23/10/2019 14:42

I would swap, you never know when you need help from someone and one day this could be you needing the help off someone else.

In which case the OP's colleagues might want to remember all the times she's already been flexible for more than one of them.

Butterymuffin · 23/10/2019 14:57

Believe me, this sort of favour asker is somehow never able to return the favour when you need it. And as the pp said, OP has done enough of this for others already.

Destinesia · 23/10/2019 15:29

Please don't swap.

Perhaps your colleague could fly out earlier, or she could fly her daughter over to stay with her (normally fine to fly 48hrs after a cast has been fitted).

Ahundredpercentthatbitch · 23/10/2019 15:39

So what did you do OP?!

RhiWrites · 23/10/2019 15:45

Say no. If you can’t say no on occasion what kind of friendship (between colleagues) is it?

Hederex · 23/10/2019 15:48

This is a very frequent issue in my team and causes all kinds of issues. When you are always helping and never get help in return, it's fine to set boundaries.
In this case I personally would cancel the lunch as it's a very valid reason to travel at short notice.
But it depends on the situation there in general and I'd be very wary of future requests too.
If you do decide not to cover, don't offer a reason. I'd just say 'I'm always happy to help where I can, but on this occasion I am unable to.' Then grey rock.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger · 23/10/2019 15:48

I wouldn't swap under the circumstances. Be prepared for her to phone in sick and go anyway though.

Potnoodledoo · 23/10/2019 16:27

I wouldn't swap under the circumstances. Be prepared for her to phone in sick and go anyway though.

I would be knocking my phone off,though

SchadenfiendeUnmortified · 23/10/2019 16:28

Believe me, this sort of favour asker is somehow never able to return the favour when you need it.

I've found that in the past, too - you can tie yourself in knots rearranging 50 schedules to help out a colleague and cover them when they want time off to get their nails done , but the day you ask them to cover for half an hour for you so you can leave a little to see your seriously ill grandmother in intensive care is the day "it doesn't work for them".

Unfortunately these shift swap favours are not legally enforceable.

ENormaSnob · 23/10/2019 17:04

I wouldn't swap.

And tbh, I'd be pissed off if I was one of your pals and you were trying to rearrange our lunch.

Original poster
StartupRepair · 23/10/2019 20:21

Wish me luck - I'm going in to tell her today. (Oz time zone). We are in the process of training up others to deliver the program but no-one else is quite ready/available yet.

OP posts:
Smelborp · 23/10/2019 20:24

Good luck! You’re doing the right thing not swapping.

Di11y · 23/10/2019 20:30

tell her you have a pre-booked appointment that you would likely have to wait 6 months if you cancelled.

RedPoppiesAndSpots · 23/10/2019 21:05

I have broken my foot. It is a PITA. But (apart from realising hopping with a milk jug in your hand was a fucking stupid thing to do) I coped for 8 weeks with DH at work/DCs at school. Your colleague's DD is not in danger. It is her foot. She will cope. She lives with her dad. Your colleague would like to stay a week. But she can't. That is life.

I also have friends with whom it takes an age to get a date for lunch...and if we have to rearrange it would be another 6 months before we could find a suitable date.

Don't change your plans. Your colleague can look at spending some other days with her DD. Your plans are far less flexible.

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 23/10/2019 21:12

Start Good luck!

I'm a bit of a doormat myself, but even I'd have no qualms about saying no to this. The people saying YABU are just doormats in denial.

bakesalesally · 23/10/2019 21:12

Personally, I would swap. You can still have lunch with your friends, it would just be a time limited meeting.

I don't know anyone who wouldn't want to help their child, adult or not, when they were on crutches. I did this particular injury and it was limiting.

Anyway, I would be kind. It's nice to be nice. There can never be too much kindness.

But that's just me.

BigChocFrenzy · 23/10/2019 21:28

"You can still have lunch with your friends,"

No she can't
and this lunch took 6 months to arrange a date they could all meet

The colleague wants a week with her adult DD
She doesn't need it

BigChocFrenzy · 23/10/2019 21:29

There's being nice
and there's being a doormat and losing your own relationships because you don't have time for them

Neome · 23/10/2019 21:31

Hope it goes well, best of luck.

NutRoastNancy · 23/10/2019 21:33

Do not swap!

Youseethethingis · 23/10/2019 21:40

Don’t explain, don’t apologise, don’t swap.
You don’t owe anyone a swap and you are allowed to prioritise your own life without apology.

Neome · 23/10/2019 21:43

Dear OP, is it time you got another "job" on your non working day. A course, a voluntary commitment, a little fictional something you could let your colleagues know you've now got a regular arrangement on that day so no more swapping or filling in. Just a thought..

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