Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex not happy

216 replies

WhatTheFluck · 18/10/2019 21:15

Who is being unreasonable here?
My ex and I split early last year and both have new partners. Ex cheated on me.
My new partner is an excellent role model for my child and a better parent figure than my ex although he is still involved in 50/50 custody.
My partner wants to come to my daughter's parents evening with me, my ex is working so I was meant to go alone. He is not happy my partner is coming and should it's strange. Who is being unreasonable? I really don't see the problem with it.Our child is important to my partner so why should he not be there?

OP posts:
Original poster
WhatTheFluck · 18/10/2019 21:17

said not should

OP posts:
yawnhedehihi · 18/10/2019 21:18

I'm with your ex. You've been together two minutes with your new partner. Why does he need to be there?

Seeingadistance · 18/10/2019 21:20

I’m also with your ex. If your partner wants to know what was said, you can tell him, just as I’d expect you to tell your ex what was said about your shared child.

Duchessgummybuns · 18/10/2019 21:21

I wouldn’t bring my partner to my daughter’s parents evening... he’s not her parent. I wouldn’t like it if my ex’s wife went to a parents evening either but since my ex doesn’t bother to go himself it’s not an issue.

NailsNeedDoing · 18/10/2019 21:21

Personally, I think parents evenings are for parents, not step parents. It doesn't benefit your child for her mums partner to be there, and it upsets her actual parent who has custody 50% of the time. Your new partner needs to realise his place. Step parent is a tough position to be in, but he doesn't get to play Daddy when the child already has two involved parents.

Pinkflipflop85 · 18/10/2019 21:21

Your partner has no place being at parents evening.

Skipsaretheanswertoitall · 18/10/2019 21:22

I’m with the above posters. I don’t think it’s necessary for you to take your partner along.

AllFourOfThem · 18/10/2019 21:23

I think it should be either just you, just your ex or both of you. I don’t think it’s a place for your partner, especially considering how little time you have been together, or for his partner.

RB68 · 18/10/2019 21:23

There is nothing to stop him going - same as there is nothing to stop ex bringing his new girlfriend, I would be clear to school you don't want him there at the same time personally. He has no right to dictate who or what you can do or associate with or take to parents evening.

Rezie · 18/10/2019 21:23

Bringing partner is not the worst crime. But I wouldn't and I completely understand your ex.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 18/10/2019 21:23

I wouldn't be happy either. He doesn't need to be there, he's been in your child's life no time at all, and your ex is very involved. Just tell him what was said.

Quartz2208 · 18/10/2019 21:24

because its parents evening and as a fairly new partner he isnt her parent?

Maltay · 18/10/2019 21:24

I go to my SDs parents evening and have done from about 9months being with DP. If you both know you're in it for the long haul and he is planning on being in your child's life for a significant period of time then why shouldn't he go? Step parents get a bad rep on here it seems but you are all just trying to bring a child the best way you can! It's nice to see physically see the school, see their work on the walls, get an idea of what they're learning so you better understand how to help them at home.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/10/2019 21:24

Would you be okay with his partner going in your place?

GruciusMalfoy · 18/10/2019 21:24

You're being unreasonable. Your new boyfriend isn't a parent and shouldn't be there. Put yourself in your ex's shoes, wpuld you be happy with his girlfriend going?

Thesearmsofmine · 18/10/2019 21:25

Would you be happy for ex’s new partner to go along?

GrumpyHoonMain · 18/10/2019 21:26

Does your DP help with your child’s day to day education? If yes that’s the only reasonable reason for him going, and even then you should make it clear that it won’t become a regular thint

feelingsinister · 18/10/2019 21:27

He doesn't need to be there. It's not a social event, it's a parents evening.

shockthemonkey · 18/10/2019 21:29

What does your DD feel about it?

Waveysnail · 18/10/2019 21:29

Who's looking after your daughter?

84claire84 · 18/10/2019 21:30

YABVU

Stop letting your partner play daddy. For starters you have been together 2 mins and Your child clearly has a dad who's involved 50% of the time.

You are going to mess your child up with your ridiculous games. They certainly will not thank you for this

Kids are not pawns. Grow up

WatchingFromTheWings · 18/10/2019 21:30

Parents evening is for the parents, not the boyfriend of 5 minutes. Been with my DH for 9 years, he's never been to my kids parents evening.

Mintypea5 · 18/10/2019 21:30

I don't think your partner needs to be there. My DH is a wonderful role model / stepdad and active part of my eldest life but he wouldn't come to anything like parents evening (he wouldn't ask to and I wouldn't expect him to). DS1 has two parents myself and my ex. If my ex can't make it I go alone

SleepingStandingUp · 18/10/2019 21:31

Would you be happy for ex’s new partner to go along?

This. If you couldn't make it, would you be happy with her going with him or in this scenario even coming along with you?

Dollymixture22 · 18/10/2019 21:32

Maltay - how did this child’s mum react to you being there?

I think if the parents are ok with extra adults going to parents evenings then it’s fine,

But it’s also reasonable for parents to say no - this is just for parents. Other Interested adults can get an update Afterwards.

There are grandparents and aunts and uncles who are much closer to children than mum and dads partners, but who don’t need to go to parents evenings. I can see that sometimes it’s about people trying to mark their territory or push their ex’s buttons.