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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex not happy

216 replies

WhatTheFluck · 18/10/2019 21:15

Who is being unreasonable here?
My ex and I split early last year and both have new partners. Ex cheated on me.
My new partner is an excellent role model for my child and a better parent figure than my ex although he is still involved in 50/50 custody.
My partner wants to come to my daughter's parents evening with me, my ex is working so I was meant to go alone. He is not happy my partner is coming and should it's strange. Who is being unreasonable? I really don't see the problem with it.Our child is important to my partner so why should he not be there?

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 19/10/2019 17:33
Shock
KaleidoscopeEyes · 19/10/2019 17:37

Oh I was going to write an answer to the OP, but it seems things have moved on somewhat....

Guess she won't be back!

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/10/2019 17:38

Um....

Meggymoo777 · 19/10/2019 17:39

Technically it doesn't say that it was the OPs husband that died!?! I dunno 🤷‍♀️

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 19/10/2019 17:42

She didn't but she also didn't correct the people who assumed it was her husband.

PrincessPain · 19/10/2019 17:43

I saw that thread and wasn't sure.
She never said it was her husband.
But nor did she correct people who were offering their condolences which is a bit odd.

PrincessPain · 19/10/2019 17:43

@WhenISnappedAndFarted
Sorry, cross post. But agreed

WorraLiberty · 19/10/2019 17:54

Your ex cheated on you and left you. He didn’t cheat on his child or leave the child. The child should have no idea of why you split up apart from a general “ mummy and daddy are happier apart but we both still love you”

This ^^ 1 million times over.

Original poster
WhatTheFluck · 19/10/2019 17:56

It wasn't my husband who died. I don't want to out myself. It was my second partner who died.

OP posts:
angieloumc · 19/10/2019 18:05

OP you do realise there are thousands of posters on here. Hardly likely to be outed.

Meggymoo777 · 19/10/2019 18:11

I still don't understand, your second partner after your husband?

Dollymixture22 · 19/10/2019 18:14

I don’t follow either. In posts OP has said her husband left her in may and she met the current boyfriend in august.

Was op having an affair too?

Timeline doesn’t make sense.

GreenTulips · 19/10/2019 18:16

I’m married to my children’s father.

Parents evening is long and they don’t tell you anything you shouldn’t already know.

Nothing earth shattering.

We pull straws to sit in packed corridors to listen to teachers talk about kids they hardly know giving out levels.

Why would anyone who’s not a parent want to go?

WorraLiberty · 19/10/2019 18:17

Another one who doesn't understand.

If you were with your ex for 14 years, you must've only been around 20 when you got together.

But you had a DH before that who died?

SoyDora · 19/10/2019 18:21

I think she was with her husband for 14 years, then had a partner after him and before the current one who died? Maybe?

Original poster
WhatTheFluck · 19/10/2019 18:23

I do worry about being outed.
I have changed details around for privacy but now feel I have to reveal more than I want to do so.
I had a partner who died, he was my true soulmate. I then met ex, father to my child. We split and then I met my now partner. I have wanted to not give a true timeframe for privacy reasons. Most of us do but it seems I have to reveal more than I am comfortable with now,

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 19/10/2019 18:24

But the timeline doesn't add up at all with any of the scenarios the other PP's have said.

You were also calling your husband your solemate in that thread and now you hate him because he cheated but you had a partner in between?

I'm really confused.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 19/10/2019 18:25

X post.

Honestly OP, I've heard of a few people with similar stories and I'm sure others have as well so I wouldn't be too worried about being outed.

Dollymixture22 · 19/10/2019 18:25

Soydora - she only spot with the ex last year and immediately met the current boyfriend

SandyY2K · 19/10/2019 18:27

I understand that his behaviour whilst cheating was probably very selfish and at that time he put his needs above that of you and DD, cheaters always do....but you need to let that go.

You chose him to marry and have a child with...you were with him for 14 years....you stayed with him until he cheated, so was he really such an awful person before that? If he was and you stayed with him...then your judgement isn't the best is it.

You don't need your DP at parents evening. You can't try and replace her dad with your new man... thats not right.

I can see you seem to want to erase him....don't let your feelings towards him cloud the situation...or your DD will pick up on this as time goes on. That is in your DDs best interest.

Doyoumind · 19/10/2019 18:28

I think you are obsessed with your new partner, OP. It could be genuine or it could be a rebound. Had a quick look at your other posts. It may all be great but you don't live together and only see each other at the weekend. You aren't getting a full picture of life with him. No way should this man be at parents evening. Slow down.

Pilot12 · 19/10/2019 18:34

I wouldn't go to my step daughters parents evening, that's for her Mum and Dad. Your partner isn't even her step Dad as you're not married. He shouldn't be going.

angieloumc · 19/10/2019 18:42

As I said earlier you can't seriously think you'll be outed. Nothing you have said is particularly outlandish so am sure many other posters have similar problems.
However you are completely in the wrong for wanting your current boyfriend to go to parents evening, from what you've said you only see him on weekends and if your DC is with her dad 50/50 she can only have met him a handful of times.

BlockedandDeleted · 19/10/2019 18:42

I'm so confused!

It doesn't make sense because in your other thread you were concerned, specifically, about meeting a second 'soulmate' within a relatively short time (18 months) after your first soulmate died?

You've said in this thread your second soulmate is your current boyfriend who you met 18 months ago.

According to your MN posts, you're 35.

Your husband/father of your child of 14 years left you in April 2018 - so you got together with him when you were 20?

Which means your relationship with your "second partner'/first soul mate ended before you were 20?

That's at least 14 years in between soul mates...

Original poster
WhatTheFluck · 19/10/2019 18:49

I was actually thinking about whether I could feel the same about my partner as I did about my first soulmate in that thread as I wonder whether I could have got so lucky.
Yes, I have changed details around as we all do but I have already explained again and will not be made to feel more uncomfortable by giving away more details.

OP posts: