To ask for your ridiculous injuries stories

[NewYoiker]

To make me feel better about mine?

I was arguing with DH last night about how I'm absolutely not a clutz and he said I was, because I constantly fall over and knock drinks over. As I was getting particularly animated arguing my case I fell down a pot hole and broke my ankle 😂😂😂

We had a pear tree, and every year we’d say that we’d pick the pears, but never got around to it.

One year I decided to take the initiative, so I marched down to the pear tree with a nice long ladder, which I put up, rested on the tree trunk and started to climb. Three quarters of the way up, the ladder slid and lurched to one side, which flipped me over, so I was hanging from the ladder, maybe eight feet off the ground. But only for a few seconds before I fell in a heap onto the lawn.

It didn’t hurt too much at the time, but was very painful the next day. Turns out I had a broken collarbone. (And no pears.)

Hope your ankle is on the mend, OP.

I was trying to convince my friend to go on a ski lift. She’d never been skiing before and was terrified she was going to fall off. I was stood at the bottom of the lifts (the little rope ones that you put between your legs) telling her that they were perfectly safe and that they’d never let people on them if they were dangerous. A ski lift swing around the bit at the bottom, hit me in the face and knocked me unconscious.

Hanging washing out and ddog didn't realise it was me and hurled herself against me. Dislocated my kneecap!

Stabbed myself quite badly in the hand with a fork, trying to separate two frozen sausages.

Was hoovering years ago and knocked a massive crystal ashtray off the table and onto my toe. Sliced it open and broke my toe, it also still had ash in it so cue the cleaning the wound carefully while trying not to scream.

Not me, but DH.
He is a martial artist, quite a senior one who teaches classes. One day he was teaching a group of lads in their late teens who, despite my dh not being an unfit chap, were running rings around him. As a man of a certain ages, this was having a somewhat deleterious effect on his male ego.
For some reason, he decided the best way to go about feeling better about himself was to do some sprints with these chaps. First lot line up, my DH pegs it, pulls in front, feels proud for approximately 2 seconds before running straight into a wall he had his hands outstretched and so ended up with a broken wrist! Didn’t live that one down for a very long time....

Went down a slide with 11 month old DS on my lap and landed so hard on my bum that 3 weeks later I still can't sit down. My poor tail bone!

Looks nasty OP - hope you recover soon.

I managed to trap a nerve in my neck whilst brushing my hair.

Couldn't move my neck properly for weeks and hurt like hell...

I was peeling a swede when a big chunk of the skin somehow ended up pushed up under my thumbnail, surprisingly painful and sooo much blood!

Climbing on top of our coal bunker as a teenager the lid fell inside the bunker and flipped me off face first onto the gravel pathway where the dog had just done its business, very traumatic.

To name a few...
Hill walking in Wales, tripped on a rabbit hole... And broke the other foot (not the one down the hole)
Fell while climbing a 12ft fence. Foot caught in fence, so hung upside down by leg dislocating knee.
Fell off my bike into a storm drain. A regular occurrence where I lived... Accept I did it sober on why to collect kids from school. Everyone else did it on the way home from the pub.

Oh my word some of these! I feel like such a prat!

Dropped a family-sized bottle of shampoo straight down onto my foot in the shower and broke my foot. Two years later... I ordered up the same again. DH doesn’t want me to save money by buying family-sized shampoo anymore, understandably.

Tore the ligaments in my foot after my ankle gave way in a 4 inch pair of heels outside a christening whilst pushing a pram . I ended up in a heap on the floor!

Was riding behind DH, who was riding with the kids in the bike trailer. He braked, and evidently I was too close, because my bike hit the back of the trailer and I flipped over my handle-bars and head-planted between the feet of my two kids, with my legs flailing in the air. I don't know who was more surprised - the kids, DH, who had felt a jolt and looked back to see me upside down in the trailer, or the poor cyclist behind us, who had seen everything.

Only injuries were some bruises, though..

We have a shark vacuum (relevant) and I was in a rush vacuuming before guests arrived. There was a bit of fluff that wasn't coming off the carpet so I picked it off with my hand and in a rush to just get it all done I then proceeded to try and vacuum it out of my own hand still on the ground ...
The rollers sucked my finger right in and proceeded to nearly take my nail off (I had to peel it off later as it was hanging there

In my teens I cracked a bone in my wrist picking up a spoon off the floor under a coffee table

More recently DS managed to split his foot open between two toes (I don't know how to explain it - the wound went from the top to the sole of his foot) while getting out of the bath.

My dog managed to knock me over on the patio !Really big lawn but landed on the concrete .Very sore ribs for about a month!

DD once stabbed DH through the eyeball with a stick of dried spaghetti. Nasty!

A friend was once revising our first aid course, there were gruesome pictures scattered around the kitchen table. Her flatmate walked in, was very sensitive to the sight of blood, saw the first pictures and fainted, landing on a pint glass she was carrying and cutting through her thigh, becoming the very next first aid recipient.

I once kicked a ball down the stairs, barefoot, but missed and absolutely booted the door frame. Broke my toe and had some spectacular bruises for weeks afterwards!

I ran myself over with a powered pallet truck once.

I was walking across the store with it, stopped to let a customer go first but somehow didn't think to let go of the switch. So long story short, I stopped, it didn't, went straight into the back of my knees, I did a rather impressive backwards roll over it and gave myself a concussion.

A bit of tidying in garden before work. Stepped on a heavy old iron rake. Heavy wooden handle slammed into my lip. Blood everywhere. Tooth through lip. Three hospitals. Many max fax stitches. Everyone thought I must have been drinking - at 8am ffs !! Laurel and hardy esque.

I was sitting down at a party one Christmas EVe when a very large louspeaker (Celestion Ditton 66, for any hi-fi buffs) vibrated to the edge of a shelf and landed on my head.

The resulting head injury required a trip to Epsom hospital, 12 stitches and gave me concussion all over Christmas. My friend's mother's carpets required specialist cleaning, where I'd bled all over the carpets.

I once ran across a field (I was around 10) and nearly garrotted myself on a rope that was sectioning off another area- it was at perfect 10-year-old neck hight.

I once got my eyelid caught in a zipper while on a French exchange trip. I pulled my waterproof over my head and when it wouldn't go over zipped up I started trying to unzip it and it got caught. Cue three French teachers trying to help me on a coach load of pubescent teens laughing their arses off at me. I still feel ridiculously embarrassed 20 years later.

Oh and time i caught my scalp on sharp hook in cupboard. Stuck until I pulled myself free. Much blood. Ambulance. Was only putting the Hoover away !