To ask for your ridiculous injuries stories

[NewYoiker]

To make me feel better about mine?

I was arguing with DH last night about how I'm absolutely not a clutz and he said I was, because I constantly fall over and knock drinks over. As I was getting particularly animated arguing my case I fell down a pot hole and broke my ankle 😂😂😂

Aged about 12 I suppose ( now in my 60s) thought it would be a really sensible idea to check why the very, very old electric bar heater wasn’t warming up, as in glowing red. Upon touching said electric bar got flung across the room from the electric shock it gave me.......

Oh and when I was 5, I was on hands and knees giving my younger ds a piggy back. I knelt on a needle in the carpet which disappeared into my knee. It had to be removed by opening the skin in my knee and using surgical tweezers. Still got the scar.

@Unhurried ouch! One morning when I was in primary school I was warming my bum up by the shitty coal effect fire we had (90s) it was a monstrous thing black and massive but everyone seemed to have one! I was not the most present of children and I was in my own little world, dad asked what the smell was and stood up from sofa and pushed me away from the fire.. my skirt had melted to the glass of the fire 😂 I hadn't even noticed what a prat! Very close call! Worse thing was as it was quite early in the school year I had to wear it every week! With a massive melted patch in the back

As a tween I slipped on a climbing frame, landed fanny to metal pole... tried to walk it off. Fainted. The humiliation of my peers knowing I'd fainted because I'd banged my vagina....

I broke my toe stubbing it in the coffee table.

I walked off the kerb in Brighton and got hit from behind by a Deliveroo moped driver. I ended up having 13 stitches put in the resulting wound on my calf.

This is the stitched up version of the leg injury. I could show you the unstiched version but trust me you don't want to see it.

Not me but my friend’s mum. When she and friend’s dad were ‘courting’, he took her to a fairground. They were at the top of the helter skelter just about to slide down when she dropped her mat over the side. Feeling self conscious and not wanting to mention it to her date she proceeded to slide down on her bottom. By the time she reached the end of the slide the friction had burned through her knickers which were hanging in rags and so was the skin on her bottom. Weeping and blistered with her clothes sticking to her she finally had to confess her foolishness. She spent the next week lying on her front so her poor burned bottom could heal.

My daughter sprained her ankle walking to the fridge....

This is the stitched up version of the leg injury. I could show you the unstiched version but trust me you don't want to see it.

When I nearly amputated my arm, I was going back to university the following week so they sent me off with a copy of my notes from the injury and the photos they took before they covered it (while they were figuring out how to put it back together - they told me I would be sent to the nearest hospital with a plastics specialist for surgery but instead they decided to reconstruct my arm in A&E while I was awake).

They were A4 colour printouts and there were two, because the wound went diagonally around 2/3 - 3/4 of my arm. I took copies of them because they were insane.

One of them you literally couldn’t tell it was human. Just looked like a slab of meat cut in half. The other was more identifiable because you could see my elbow joint...

Unfortunately along the years I lost the pictures - some of my stranger friends found them fascinating.

I wish camera phones had been a thing when my eyelid was cut open because it’s hard to explain how crazy I looked during recovery. It was like someone had cut a plum in half and stuck it over my eye. It looked like a low budget Hollywood make up job, I couldn’t believe that’s what an injury like that actually looked like!

I was moving the wheelie bin the night before collection.. it was extra heavy so needed quite a heaving... until it lurchrd forward, landed on my foot and broke my toe!

Tore the ligaments in my knee falling off a small pony at a gate. What's worse is that the pony was standing still at the time and neither of us had ever had any intention of jumping the gate. Tore ligaments hamstring and meniscus in the other knee jumping down from a piggyback.... And met people in the orthopaedic outpatients who were there because they had fallen off the pavement

Someone I know is recovering from stepping on a piece of Lego.

After 3 days of misdiagnosis she has just had to have her big toe amputated.

Apparently the Lego (without breaking the skin) nicked the artery in her big toe, and after 3 days the lack of oxygen getting to the toe resulted in gangrene setting in [shocked]

or even

Someone broke two of my fingers by sitting on them.

I'm pretty talented at ridiculous injuries.

My latest one was from June where a mosquito bite broke my foot, I ended up in a moon boot and on crutches until August for it.

@Allington's friend has me beat though. Holy shit!

Vacuuming in a very long thin scarf and while bending down the end got sucked in; it was around my neck in multiple loops so it quickly tightened like a noose.

Instinct to not be strangled pulled me quickly down and the engine then started loudly screaming and started to smell like burning electrics as I tried to hold the scarf stop the scarf being sucked further with my head inches from the ground.

In the split seconds after I realised what was going on I was sure I was going to be a Darwin Award candidate, death by dyson.

Thankfully the shocked “fight/flight” response cleared in time as I suddenly stopped fighting and managed to fumble and feel for the button to turn it off before freeing myself. The adrenaline was insane!

I also dislocated my knee once while making a sandwich.

You cant stop posting like that! what happened?

I once decided to do the hoovering a different way round for a change, tried to vacuum down the stairs instead of up (like a rocket scientist) and dropped the hoover on my head.

In soft play, trying to round up kids to head home, little terrors thought it was hilarious to run away and go down a slide so I would give chase - so I decided to follow down the slide, totally forgetting I had already put my shoes back on (rubber soled espadrilles) I caught my heel on the way down. Was a bit tender at the time but managed to walk/limp to the car. Got home and was in agony and my ankle had swollen to 3 times the size. Ended up unable to walk and had to call an ambulance to take me to hospital for X - Ray. Done the ligaments in and ended up off work and using crutches for weeks
Still love a go on a slide though!

I think @FreshwaterBay has just proved my long held suspicion that people don't read posts properly. 28 days you say?

Not sure what you are getting at @WhoisitnowRalph

Please explain.

Anyway it is quite simple. We received an injury whilst serving in the Royal Navy. To put it simply, we had really hot curries which turned our ring-pieces into volcanoes the next day. We were on exercise that day practicing firing live heat-seeking missiles. Unfortunately we farted.

Two of those missiles turned around mid flight and zoned in on our sphincters, exploded and gave us nasty burns all around our ring-pieces, legs and buttocks. Had they successfully struck an airplane, such as a Euro Fighter Typhoon, the explosion would have reduced it to particles. However, when a heat-seeking missile detonates at the entrance to the human ring-piece, the effects though uncomfortable are not quite so severe.

The human skin has a great propensity to repair itself. Some of the other posters pictures graphically illustrate this.

My dad has a metal mat type thing outside his back door. It's seriously old and the prongs that stick out are sharp. I had been out in the garden barefoot and as I ran inside I miss stepped, jammed my foot up against one of the prongs which pierced the skin between my big and second toe. It was agonising

when i was young and (very) drunk i fell out of bed and broke 3 toes gave them a good laugh in a and e!

Rigggggggghhhhhhhhht

Freshwater bay. Mhmm, and I'm the queen of sheba.