To ask for your ridiculous injuries stories

[NewYoiker]

To make me feel better about mine?

I was arguing with DH last night about how I'm absolutely not a clutz and he said I was, because I constantly fall over and knock drinks over. As I was getting particularly animated arguing my case I fell down a pot hole and broke my ankle 😂😂😂

I stepped on a wet leaf and slipped off a kerb; sprained my ankle and was off work for a fortnight. When my husband was a teenager he was digging the garden and stopped to lean on the fork, Tines went straight through his welly and foot.

I was dancing in my living room to S Club 7 (I was 12) and I hit a glass lampshade and sliced my hand open! Needed 17 stitches. Can’t listen to ‘S Club Party’ the same way again 😂

Gave myself a lovely black eye and bloody doing up a girth. The saddle was new and leather still a bit stiff. My hand slipped and I thumped myself in the face.

Broke my little toe by stubbing it on a radiator pipe.

Bloody nose.

I also dislocated my knee cap walking into a tow bar. Really fucking hurt.

I was in Hawaii on my honeymoon. Being very pale, I patted my self on the back for my judicious use of sunblock. Sadly, I forget to do the instep of one foot. Nausea, vomiting, and chills sent me to an island hospital. I had sun poisoning and blisters bad enough to require hospitalization.

Twenty years later I went on a road trip through the American West. Ended up with sun poisoning again from driving in a Mustang convertible.

Just thought of another one.
I dropped a metal scraper (screen printing) on my foot, I was wearing steel toe capped boots, they were no use whatsoever, I ended up with badly cut toes.
Seems to me that someone needs to invent protective slippers of some sort, so that those of us with foot problems don't hurt ourselves anymore. 😁

Pulled my darts out the board, and pulled the board off the wall. Board landed on my head, then bounced off my hand, leaving me with a dart stuck through my palm (not my throwing hand, thankfully).

I still can't believe I just pulled the dart out, washed my hand and then carried on playing. But that was years ago, and everything healed ok.

I am always catching my sleeves on door handles when I am carrying hot drinks. The only other person I know who does this is my Mum. It doesn't sound bad, but it's embarrassing to end up covered in hot drinks, and it's something no-one else seems to do!!

My ex dh had been sea fishing( in Greece) came in and dumped a bag of whole uncleaned fish into the freezer. The next day I decided to try and prise them apart. I was holding one when the phone rang in the other room. Carrying the frozen fish with me I answered the phone. As I was chatting, still with fish in hand it started to slip and a sharp spine on its back went into my thumb. I dropped it on the floor and straightened my thumb thenwatched as the bit of the spine still visible disappeared. The pain was bad but I couldn't flex by thumb properly as the spine was acting like a splint. I ended up having microsurgery to remove it.

I was checking on food on the bottom shelf of the oven, using an oven glove.

I then pulled out the top shelf of the oven to check on the food there using my other, non gloved hand.

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I had some really nasty blisters after that. Felt so silly.

I stopped reading this after page 2!! I've had the 'willies' something terrible..I feel peoples pain and have never enjoyed 'You've been framed'!

I'm so glad I'm not the only person who has hurt themselves in a ridiculous way!

Sniffed a scented candle to see what it smelt like whilst it was lit

Punched myself in the face trying to get a tight fitted sheet on my mattress 😂

Misjudged height of my car as I was getting in smacked my head against the side and nearly knocked myself out.

Trapped a nerve in my neck taking a hair bobble out.

Bent down to eye up some new shoes when shopping and put my back into spasm.

Managed to get my arm tangled in the bed clothes. As I tugged it free it shot out and my own nail scraped down my leg taking a strip of flesh off. I still have a pink scar.

At school one of the other girls had put toast in and forgotten it and it was on fire. Leapt over the length of the sofa in direction of said fire to turn the toaster off. Misjudged and fell catching my knee against the rather hard arm, scraped my shin down to the bone.

Possibly the stupidest, slammed a filing cabinet drawer shut whilst bent over it. Caught my nipple in the drawer. Agony

I'm clumsy. Some examples

Trying to clean the gutters at the back of my place. I know I shouldn't go on ladders, but gave it a go. Stepping down, I thought I was on the first rung. Nope, second. So I stumbled backwards, pot plant took me out at the knees and I crashed into my heavy outdoor setting. Dislocated my collar bone up near the shoulder.

Another, making salad for work. Slicing up meat and wizzed into my finger. Hurt bad enough when I thought I'd just cut deep into the skin. Nope, suddenly the nail starts welling with blood. I'd cut the whole nail in half vertically Living by myself and being 6.30am, what do you do? It's not really ambulance worthy. Ended up finding a medical centre that opened at 7am. Turns out my nails grow quick. Cut it 1st Nov, had fully grown out by 13th Dec. Had a big divot at the bottom that had grown out by Feb.

Stopped on a mountainside in Bolivia for wee behind a bush. Just I tried to stand up I lost my footing and rolled down the hill that was covered with stubs of short, dry, sharp grass. Id still got my trousers round my ankles. Spent days trying to pick dried grass splinters out of my arse and couldn’t sit down for a week!

In my touring caravan, middle of winter ( yes I must have been nuts) sat watching television at night, decided it was getting cold, stood up to turn the heating up, forgot I had been sat on my legs to keep warm& they had gone numb, legs collapsed & crumpled in a heap with a very loud snap. Nobody could get me up, had to dial 999, 1 double spiral fractured ankle & fractured foot on other leg. In pot for 12 weeks, unable to do anything with 5 year old DS.

Clearing out a kitchen cupboard, marble rolling pin rolled off the kitchen work surface, landed on my foot and broke all 5 toes

Moved into our new (first) house, new build, ' garden' was a compacted slab of clay soil. Hired a rotavator and set about breaking up the soil.

DM was round, mostly for moral support and tea-making as the rotavator was big and bloody heavy and could only be used by one person.

It had an engine, and basically moved as long as part of the handle was held down. To stop it, you let go of the handle and it cut the engine (like a lawnmower). Because it was so heavy and virtually impossible to turn, I was going forwards then backwards in strips up and down the garden.

Anyway. I'm going great guns, done half the soil, DM goes in to make tea. I start on a 'going backwards' strip. As I near the top of the garden, walking backwards, I stumble over a lump of soil and fall against the back fence. Rotavator keeps coming. I end up flattened against the fence with the rotavator trying to run me over, panicking that the fence is going to collapse under the weight of us both.

I then remember that if I let go of the handle, the engine will cut out. So I let go. But the rotavator stops dead where it is - with me squashed between it and the fence, on my tiptoes, in quite a lot of pain and unable to get out.

At this point, I see DM in the lounge looking out of the window and start frantically signaling to her and quietly half-shouting, 'Help!' (not too loudly as I don't want the neighbours to know I've got myself stuck).

She thinks I'm waving, merrily waves back, and wanders off to finish making the tea.

When she came out and realised what was going on, it took quite an effort (and a fair bit of time) to release me. At which point we both cried with laughter (common theme in our family - when things go wrong, we laugh).

Haven't ever used a rotavator again.

Not me, DH - cut himself with a bloody vegetable peeler, the bleeding wouldn't stop so he ended up in A&E 😁

Picked up a phone receiver at work and spontaneously ruptured a tendon in my hand (was on levaquin antibiotic and apparently makes you vulnerable to tendon issues)

Not me, but my DH, who is a rather portly middle aged chap.
It was just after Christmas and due to the Bank Holidays we had missed out on a bin collection, and of course had extra rubbish. DH decided that if he stood on the rubbish in the wheelie bin his not inconsiderable weight would compress it sufficiently to be able to get another bag in. So he climbed onto the garden wall and put one foot into the bin. Unfortunately of course, one of the defining features of wheelie bins is the presence of wheels. Perhaps not surprisingly, the bin started rolling away from the wall, leaving DH gradually doing the splits with one foot in the bin and the other on the wall. I was in the garden but due to being helpless with laughter I was unable to reach the bin and prevent the inevitable fall once the limits of his flexibility were reached. Sadly I didn't manage to video it either as both the sight and sounds involved were very, very funny. DH only sustained fairly minor cuts and bruises but he was walking rather strangely for a few days afterwards,

Placed a parcel on the Post Office’s scales, the attendant asked me to hand it to them through the window as normal. Somehow I managed to slice open my finger on the scales as I hastily grabbed the parcel. The scales weren’t even sharp or faulty yet it was a really deep cut - I was expecting a paper cut at first but ended up having stitches.

Felt like it was a bit of karma as I was annoyed about the long queues and was rushing!