To ask for your ridiculous injuries stories

[NewYoiker]

To make me feel better about mine?

I was arguing with DH last night about how I'm absolutely not a clutz and he said I was, because I constantly fall over and knock drinks over. As I was getting particularly animated arguing my case I fell down a pot hole and broke my ankle 😂😂😂

I have a moon boot!

I got off a bus pretty quick and walked slightly right diagonally as I was headed that way. This combined with a high curb and my general always on a mission walking style meant I smacked my face square into the bus wing mirror. Cue squirting everywhere nose bleed. I was so embarrassed I just kept walking didn’t look back.

Oh, yes.
I sprained my ankle falling into a ditch that was full of snow. This was after the family had been sledging down a disused railway embankment and I'd gone headlong into my mother's legs. As ever my sympathetic mother turned round and told me to get a move on. Took years for my foot to stop swelling at the first sign of too much walking.

I've got a courtesy car at the moment as mine is in the garage. It's nice but the boot is a lot smaller and DS' buggy only just fits in if I tip it sideways.

I'd just picked DD up from school, strapped both kids in the car and was wrestling with the buggy, trying to get it in neatly. Suddenly she called out in alarm (left her water bottle in the classroom, very important ) and in my initial panic at the "Oh NOOO!" I somehow managed to trap my thumb in between two bits of the buggy and bent my nail backwards.

This happened yesterday and it's still sore. I've got a big bruise under my nail, of course on my right hand. So every time I have to change a nappy or use a pen or anything, it hurts. Getting my car back tomorrow, thank fuck!

Slipped a disc in my back SNEEZING. I was sat on sofa with my feet up, and sort of folded in half with the sneeze.

I fractured my coccyx 2 years ago falling down the stairs, I'd slipped on a book that I'd put there to go up after going mental at DH and DS doing the same and leaving stuff on the stairs. I'm still not recovered and in daily agony.

Sliced through my hand with my huge kitchen knife whilst washing the dishes. The same knife I tell everyone to be careful with as it doesn't have the 'butt' part over the blade. The handle slipped whilst washing and the back end sliced through my hand like it was butter. I drove to my DMs with my hand wrapped in teatowels for her to butterfly the skin back together.

Was very young when I slipped on the sand around a sand pit and fell of my bike. Bike frame broke and pierced my leg. Had to have quite a few stitches and still have a scar.

I've hit myself in the face with a baking tray while drying it luckily nothing injured except my pride.

And just the other day I tripped over my 3 year old in the rush to get out of the door. Landed hard on the wooden door frame and now I have a bruised lump on the side of my knee.

Slipped on water on a hotel bathroom floor and ended up with my right knee rammed into the corner of a shower cubicle. Went sightseeing on a city break with a knee the size of a watermelon.

I’ve managed to burn my paralysed hand seriously three times in ten days 🤦🏼‍♀️ You’d think I’d learn but as soon as the skin hardened i did it again!

Not me but DH. Up a ladder cutting a high hedge with a hedge cutter. Cut into a hornets nest. Reflexively tossed hedge cutter in the air, jumped off the ladder and ran for it - only to be caught a glancing blow to the head by the hedge cutter on its way down.

He didn't get stung but he got a deep graze in his forehead...lucky it wasn't worse.

Dancing with ddog in the kitchen and managed to dislocate my knee doing a high kick She was the only witness thank god. I pretended it was a sports injury to everyone at work (which I guess it kinda was).

telling her that they were perfectly safe and that they’d never let people on them if they were dangerous. A ski lift swing around the bit at the bottom, hit me in the face and knocked me unconscious.
Am I a bad person for laughing so much at this?

I once tried to iron a (full) skirt - whilst I was wearing it, as I couldn't be arsed to take it off. Miscalculated the end of the ironing board and ended up with a nasty burn on my thigh.

Put my back out, leaning forward to put my knickers on.

Cut my nose open by slamming a car door on it. We had just changed the car and it was a different shape to the previous car’s door hence I was stood in the wrong position and smacked it straight into my nose. Felt much better when Dsis did same thing when she replaced her car a couple of years later. Obviously it’s a genetic thing.
The dog decided to sneak upstairs to have a snooze on our bed and sliced my eyelid open when she jumped onto the bed not realising I was having a sleep in. I couldn’t be bothered to spend a Saturday morning in minor injuries so steristripped it. I had considered supa-glueing it but decided that I would definitely end up in minor injuries.

I also once cricked my neck pouring the dregs out of a mug. Couldn’t move for 3 days.

Fell over a flat board on the ground and broke my elbow.
Tripped over a cat and broke my collar bone.

Broke 2 ribs coughing - was really ill with bronchitis. Took strong pain killers and fainted at the top of the stairs, luckily my sister caught me just in time but the pressure of her grabbing me, pushed the broken ribs in and almost punctured my lung

Another time I was really fatigued from competing (martial artist) that a cramp gave me a grade 3 tear to my calf muscle

Very outing if anyone I know sees this.
A few years ago I had a moped, had had a couple accidents already but worst I'd come out so far was a sprained wrist after being hit by a car side on.
It was February and about 8am, so very early/cold/wet. Came to the end of the road, saw a car coming along so pulled the brake, skidded on a drain cover. Fell to my right but somehow managed to flip my left leg over so that was the one trapped under the moped and my right leg was in the leg bit so nothing on it. Was very angry at having come off and people witnessing it so kicked the moped, proceeding the break my foot. If I hadn't kicked it I'd have been fine.
Managed to break the cuboid bone, which typically only more elderly people break as it's very strong and in a very awkward place, ended up with a plate, signed off work for months, two operations. And two and a half years later i still get issues from my foot if I'm stood up for too long or it's too cold, also can't cross my legs when on the floor.
Another stupid one was I used to have a glass dolphin, it knocked onto the floor and broke. I thought I'd cleaned it all up, knelt down to get some clothes out of a door and moved my knee sideways to stand back up dragging it across the broken bit of glass. Steri strips and couldn't bend my knee for about a month.
Finally, was half asleep trying to close the back door. Thought I was pushing on the wooden part (very old door so really had to push it into the frame) but suddenly my arm went through the glass. Turned out old glass and old wood feels the same. Tore a massive chunk out of my arm, needed more stitches than I'd needed after labour, and have the huge scar to remind me of my stupidity.
One that's not my fault but I'm the one with the scar, is I was in my bouncer on the kitchen side at about 5 months old, a cat came through the window and a guest had picked it up to chuck it out. Cat starfished, caught my cheek

Tripped over my on feet walking across a car park. Landed on my hand and snapped my wrist in the process. Had it have an op to put it back in place as my hand was at right angles to my arm.

While visiting family in Oz, the first night we got drunk in the garden. I walked into the screen door - took most of the skin off my nose and face ( in my defence, it gets dark very quickly there and I was not used to a screen door) it was painful, scabby and awful looking for the whole trip.

An ankle one for me.

I dislocated my ankle and broke it in 3 places by slipping on a path when I was hanging out washing. Emergency surgery the following day and 12 weeks in plaster non weight bearing.

Fun times.

One of the bedroom doors jammed shut because something had broken in the lock. I tried just about everything to get it open but nothing worked.

Looking through the garage I had a lightbulb moment when I saw some hacksaw blades. I poked around with a hacksaw blade and managed to get it inside the lock. I gave the door an almighty push, not expecting it to open. It did.

At the hospital the nurse asked how I'd managed to slice through my fingers. I think I saw her roll her eyes.

willdoitinaminute I had to use some superglue a few weeks ago and stuck my fingers together, to my leg, and then to the chair. I wouldn't dare try to superglue a cut on my eyelid, I'd probably end up gluing my finger to my eyeball

In 1981 I had a holiday job in the Grand Hotel, Llandudno (which was at that time a Butlins hotel) as a waitress. A waiter (called Gary) was serving tea to sone customers and balanced a pot of boiling water on two tea pots and carried them through the restaurant. I was clearing a table and stepped out in front of him and the pot of boiling water tipped all over my bare leg.
I was taken to the big industrial kitchens and sat on the draining board on the edge of a large sink with the cold water tap spurting cold water all over my leg. Nevertheless my leg blistered badly and I was sent home for a week.

This injury happened on Monday, was dropping my DS off, got out of the car and was walking and trying to talk & juggle bags at the same time. I wasn't watching where I was going and banged my arm on a door handle. This is the resulting injury.