To ask for your ridiculous injuries stories

[NewYoiker]

To make me feel better about mine?

I was arguing with DH last night about how I'm absolutely not a clutz and he said I was, because I constantly fall over and knock drinks over. As I was getting particularly animated arguing my case I fell down a pot hole and broke my ankle 😂😂😂

Years ago my boiler broke and I wanted to wash my hair before work so I boiled the kettle and carried it upstairs ( you can see the accident happening like a episode of casualty) anyway dropped kettle all over my leg was agony . I managed to put cold water on but the pain was terrible got myself to A & E was 2nd degree burn . It was painful to walk for weeks as healing .

I was in the recovery room waiting for ds to come round after his operation.
I fainted, smashed my head on the metal bed he was in, and when I came to I was in a bed next to him on the children’s ward.

Fell off the revolving dance floor on the Tuxedo Royale (North East MNers of a certain age will know where I mean!) when I got too close to the edge of the spinning part, took a step and landed one foot on floor that was not revolving while the other foot was still on the moving part

Nowt to do with the triples for a quid?! Done it myself, it’s hard to get onto non-moving floor after gently revolving.

Flipped over my Chopper handlebars as a kid, snapped a front tooth in half. Did the same the next week and gashed open my leg and broke my arm. Fun times.

Walking backwards, admiring the new tiling, fell over the open dishwasher door, ripped it off the hinges.

Walking along the river bank, DH pretends to throw me in then grabs me back, kneeing me ridiculously hard in the thigh as he did. I had a huge bruise for weeks.

First one went to roller disco with my Sister and her friends. Ended up slipping backwards and landing head first onto the wooden floor. Massive brain injury, severe soft tissue damage and a near broken neck. Also suffered with internal bruising in my ribs, chest stomach and pelvis. I still suffer the remnants of that injury 3 years later in the form of confusion and bad temper

Second one testing my new mixer out went to turn it off at the mains not realising my fingers were in between the 2 mixers. Caught the on button and set it going, mangled my fingers inside it although somehow didn't break then. Did manage to bend the mixer blades though 😂

I've remembered another one. Not me, but my Father.
I had treated myself to some fabulous bath oil. Had a long soak and pulled the plug out.
My father a short while later decided to have a shower, which was over the bath.
He stepped into an ice skating rink as the oil sat on the bottom of the bath.
Cue my father doing a breakdance, before breakdancing was even invented. He grabbed the shower screen and tore it off the wall, then he grabbed the cabinet and tore that off the wall too.
My mum shot into the bathroom to find my Father half unconscious, covered in bits of glass and various medications etc from the cabinet.
I dread to think where the rubber duck ended up!

Went to get my lunch out of the fridge - caught my thumb on the shelf above, cue broken thumb!!

I was using fake tan from a tube and ran out after 1 leg. Couldn’t find the scissors to cut it open and get the dregs out so thought I’ll have to pop a hole in the tube with a knife and slice it open. Stabbed the tube (thankfully not too forcefully) but forcefully enough for the knife to go through the tube and straight into my hand. Luckily was only the tip of the knife and it was a small thing but Jesus Christ it hurt

Nowt to do with the triples for a quid?!

Thursday night, £8 on the door and all drinks free

Punched myself in the face at Zumba. I was the instructor

I bent down to pick up a golf ball and somehow managed to put my back out. I was 22 and had to hobble around for the next couple of weeks until it eased. I've bent my knees or crouched since then to retrieve things off the floor.

Broke a toe while changing a light bulb.
I was stood on a dining chair, stepped down after taking the bulb out and somehow managed to split my toes on the lip of the seat, cue loud crack and lots of child friendly swearing. I ended up with a bruise that started where the break was and went across the top of my foot.
I fell out of our loft when I was a child and broke the ladder. We had a playroom up there and my sister had some friends round. Shed put a piece of polystyrene over the loft hole and in my hurry to disappear so she didn't realise I'd been earwigging, I forgot and stood on it and promptly fell. I ended up with a large bruise on the side of my arse. The ladder was a write off and my dad was rather miffed because he'd made it and was mahogany. Needless to say the next one was aluminium.

Burnt my ankle on a chicken nugget 😳.

Ouch OP, hope that isn't making you too miserable (though I suspect it is!)

I too am unlucky, not the worst but the weirdest was a time I'd been in recovery from surgery for near on 3 weeks so hadn't left the house. DP and I decided to celebrate being allowed out with a gentle trip to the local PYO/farm shop/cafe/see the animals sort of place.

Parked up and put one leg/ankle out of the car onto the gravel (pretty chunky car park gravel) and before I'd had time to even get the other foot out a car drove past us and a large piece of said gravel mist have got wedged under their tyre - it pinged out from under it as they accelerated and hit me dead on the ankle bone. Fractured it.

We laugh now but I was in no laughing mood at the time. I didn't even get two of my feet out the car and missed out on coffee and cake because the proprietors called an ambulance and they carted me off with DP driving behind (). Haven't been back since? The whole thing was shameful.

I also once trapped my thumb in an ironing board when I forgot that the purpose of a hinge is to fold up, my thumb being near the business end as I lifted it. I had to yell for help as one thumb was trapped and the other hand was holding the board up

As a teen I broke my arm in two places falling off a bed at a sleepover neither parent knew I was at

Fell over a stick sticking out of the ground, grazed my nose and split my lip. DH helped me up and cracked the psoriasis patches on his knuckles so his hands were bleeding. We must have looked as if we'd been fighting as we walked back to the car. Toddler on my back in a sling, unharmed but startled and crying.

I broke my ankle taking my pjs off, full operation job and now have a plate and 12 screws, in x Ray they said it was akin to a skiing injury , ie a very bad break

Slipped on black ice coming out of my house on a particularly chilly January morning. I was carrying loads of kids books (teacher) in my arms, and managed to rescue them as I flew up into the air, but landed on my elbow. You’ve never seen anything like the bruising. I got married 6 weeks later in a strapless dress, thanking my lucky stars that I wasn’t walking down the aisle with a sling, or with a yellowy purple elbow!
The kids thought the bruise was awesome

DH ate a yoghurt for breakfast and afterwards put the spoon down on the worktop by the sink. Put his back out, staggered to the (luckily nearby) sofa and couldn't walk for 3 weeks..

I fell out of a mini bus having just arrived at the Malaysian Grand Prix circuit. I was so excited to be there I pretended nothing had happened. Until the adrenaline wore off and it became clear that I'd fractured my thumb and very badly sprained my ankle.

Slipped on highly polished wooden spiral staircase bringing the baby downstairs while working in Paris. Came down with some force on the edge of a stair, managed to hold onto the baby rather than dropping her onto the tiles below. The pain was obscene. Baby was scared and started screaming as I carefully placed her down and hopped round trying to cope with the pain. There’s still a dent in my arse cheek.

Where to even start?

Broke my wrist and my elbow trampolining.

Fractured my humerus falling off a platform on a stage during a play.

Tore all the ligaments in my ankle climbing out of a low window on to a roof terrace.

Currently limping around as I slipped on the stairs the other day and hurt my foot - went for an X-ray, all clear and then today DT1 dropped a heavy toy on it.

But my best two:

• had my eyelid cut open with a fencing sword during a stage combat class

• almost amputated my arm with a bathroom sink (top tip: never lean on a sink with a hairline crack)

I basically should be confined to a padded room.

Was enjoying myself a little too much dancing in a nightclub.
I was on a podium with a male friend and I thought, in my drunken naivety, that I was quite good at some more complicated moves. Cue him holding me below the waist, lifting me up and me bending over backwards. Sigh, I miss the abs I had in those days.
I felt myself bump my head on the railing around the podium. It hurt briefly but I didn't think any more of it save to wonder why I was getting a few odd looks. I put it down to jealousy of my awful drunken dancing.
When I got home I realised most of the back of my top was covered in blood. During my very hungover shower the following day I discovered a two inch gash on the back of my head. I must have clonked my head on that railing with some force to manage that. Also the splitting headache and nausea was probably not all down to the £1 a shot night in the pub we'd been to before the club.
I still have a scar there.

Having read through this my entire body is cringing.

I coughed and fractured two ribs.