To ask for your ridiculous injuries stories

[NewYoiker]

To make me feel better about mine?

I was arguing with DH last night about how I'm absolutely not a clutz and he said I was, because I constantly fall over and knock drinks over. As I was getting particularly animated arguing my case I fell down a pot hole and broke my ankle 😂😂😂

Toasted some pita bread

Took it out of toaster dipped pita in hummus took a bite the steam from the pita pocket burnt my face

It was really sore and had a mark on my face for a few weeks

I've posted this (a couple of times) before. But my husband will never let me forget....
...tipping an entire bottle of nail varnish (top coat) into my own eye.

I'm dyspraxic and bruise very easily so am often covered in bruises when I've not a clue how I got them but have still done some stupid stuff.

As a toddler, fell through someone's legs in the kitchen and ripped most of my lower lip off on the cupboard door catch.

Fell UP the stairs at work, smashing my knuckles into the iron bannister and fractured two fingers.

Slipped in the bath while having a shower, got tangled in the shower curtain, brought the rail down and fell against the back, resulting in a leg black and purple from hip to ankle.

Wind blew the car door shut on my hand, breaking two fingers.

Broke my nose playing hockey when tackling someone; a few years later I broke it again on the sights of my rifle in a competition.

Got a split lip and facial bruising playing mess rugby with an inflatable dolphin.

Cat walloped me on the temple with claws out and I got a black eye from internal bleeding into the socket.

Got a grazed cornea from the dustpan handle.

Most spectacular wasn't really an injury though. I had had a blood test and continued bleeding under the skin. Whole forearm turned black with bruising to the extent that you could see the outline of the bones. No one could believe that it was caused by a blood test, nor that it didn't hurt like a bruise, just sore and unable to move the joints.

I once managed to trip over the step of the back door hit my head on the outside steps, scraped every body part I have on the patio and for good measure threw my clean washing all over the patio. By sheer coincidence had police to our door later that night (neighbor issues) and woman kept asking me if I was ok. Think she thought dp was beating me up.

Another time i was ironing i bent down to pick another item up from the basket on the floor managed to knock the ironing board which caused the iron to fall and catch me on my back. I've still got a faint scar.

I am a total liability and multiple folks in my life are too..some highlights

Breaking both wrists at the same time trying to jump a tennis net
DD getting her biro trapped in her braces and me having to collect her with it protruding like a walrus tusk
Ex husband falling into open grave on way to internment of dear friend, human chain including grieving widow was necessary to get him out
Got my heel caught in the turn up of my wide legged trousers and tumbled down a flight of concrete steps next to a red light on one of the busiest streets in Birmingham. Drivers got out to assist me.
Ex do bought a betterware tool intended to squash rubbish down in wheelie bin. It fastened to the lid somehow. He didn’t read the instructions, it flew loose and knocked him unconscious in dramatic cartoon anvil style

You are not alone OP

Tire the lining of my spine in my sleep. Thought it was an ear infection. Went on all the rides at Blackpool and made it worse.

Slipped getting on a train and my leg briefly went down the gap between the train and the platform. Tore ribbons of flesh off the back of my bare leg, and lost my shoe.
Had to limp home dripping blood with one bare foot.

Tore

My dh is the king of stupid injuries. We had scaffolding up on our first home and he wanted to paint it himself to save us money. He spent a few hours up on the scaffolding painting away, stepped back to admire his work and shattered his leg so badly he was in hospital for 3 months.

Dh also fell in an open grave in a cathedral somewhere in Czech Republic. The bones had been taken out to be tested or something and there was a big sign in Czech just above it. Dh pointed at it, turned to me and asked me what I thought it meant and promptly fell in a grave. I assume the sign said ‘danger open grave’ or similar.

-broke my arm and needed surgery on my wrist on my second day at uni in freshers week. I tripped over my suitcase and landed very awkwardly.

• burnt my arm on a steamer while making dinner. I'd move in with my now husband that same week and was trying to show what a domestic goddess I was. Ended up as an outpatients in the burns clinic for the best part of three months. Luckily no scarring.
• broke three toes (again first year uni) by tripping over my friends door stop. That hurt like a bitch.

My husbands most ridiculous injury was after a few months of being together. In the throes of passion my necklace got stuck on his willy and tore the skin. So. Much. Blood. He fainted and cracked his head so ended in A&e for stitches to his head and had to get his bits out to be examined.

I broke my nose & blacked both eyes putting out the rubbish (bin lid fell on my face)

Posted about this the other day. I drained a pan of spaghetti over the sink and then walked off with it without putting a pan underneath...this was my foot. Still hurts a lot.

Dp decided to pick me up after 2 bottles of wine, I hate heights and wriggled To be put down(bearing in mind I was almost twice his weight) he lost grip and dropped me on my arse on concrete floor. Agony. Went to bed and thought it might feel better in morning, ended up waking him up at 5am asking him to take me to a and e as I couldn’t move. A and e. Staff were trying not to laugh at the story and I couldn’t sit or walk properly for months even with heavy duty tramadol, Hed broke my coyxx and even two yrs on I can’t sit on a hard surface for too long before it’s starts hurting

Learning to ride a bike, it took me unusually long to get it, anyhow, I finally managed to find my balance, but all the shouting by my sister and friend couldn't make me figure out how to use the brake at the same time. I slammed into a tip, broke my collarbone on the edge and had to be fished out of the tip. Utterly humiliating.

Broken finger in a pillow fight

I couldn't get my umbrella to close so held it against my chest and pushed. It pinched my boob. The bruise was spectacular.

@LakieLady DH says did the Celestion Ditton 66 survive? He's sooo considerate...(and a hifi geek)

Long ago, when cork platform shoes were in fashion (anyone remember these?) and you could go out drinking and get up for work the next day, I was on a drunken evening out. Leapfrogged a couple of bollards and went arse over tit.

In my drunken, indestructible state, I brushed it off and laughed, but every few steps I kept stumbling.

Friends and i were laughing along at what a dickhead I was.

It wasn't until the next day when I woke up and my foot was in pure agony. I pulled back the bed covers to reveal, well what can only be described as a purple and black elephants foot.

I shouted my mum and she said 'if you think you're having the day off work because you're hungover, you can think again'

I asked her to come up and look at my foot and she nearly vommited.

I went to hospital and had broken my metatarsal rather severely.

It never healed right and even 20 odd years later the bone visibly juts out my foot the way it's healed.

I was up to my knee is plaster for my 21st, which pissed me off no end but taught me a valuable lesson. If you're going to get pissed, wear flat shoes 😁

I was in the navy and we docked up one voyage in an Indian port near Mumbai. After a few drink on shore leave we decided to go for a local meal and being brave we went for a double helping of Prawn Phall. Now that is a hot one! The next day we could not stop pumping and trumping, our arses were on fire. That afternoon we had a missile drill using dummy targets moored out at sea. Except.....we were using heat seeking missiles. You guessed it......those arrows around half way out and headed straight back to the ship and lodged themselves right up our sphincters! Ow Eee! It was so painful when they exploded. I could not sit down for nearly 28 days.

Eating chips while pissed. Missed the chip with the fork, then missed my mouth with the chip-less fork, and stabbed the fork straight through my cheek. Another time I fell off a wall; one foot slipped and my fanjo hit the corner of the wall and split wide open. Kicked a chair, the chair leg went between my toes and snapped the little toe off at a 90 degree angle. Jumped over a fence but caught my thigh on a nail and ripped a slit from knee to hip. Feeding the pigeons and one of them landed on me and pecked my eyeball. Also managed to knee myself in the mouth and break my front teeth. It sounds awful now I’ve written it down!

I fell up the steps going In to my local pub and broke my wrist.... I was stone cold sober!

Owww some of these are awful!! A friend of mine broke her foot falling down a man hole as she was looking up at the red arrows whilst walking 😂

Broke my tailbone falling down stairs
Broke my toe on the leg of dd2s bed
Fell over a 1 inch stump in the middle of empty car park and cut elbow open

Chasing a dropped letter in dark run into a waist high chain across path, had hige bruises across arms,stomach and back. Had to wear long sleeves for a couple of weeks because it looked like I'd been grabbed!

Gave myself a black eye opening car door

Scalded myself on the face and body when I slipped carrying a jug of hot water