To ask for your ridiculous injuries stories

[NewYoiker]

To make me feel better about mine?

I was arguing with DH last night about how I'm absolutely not a clutz and he said I was, because I constantly fall over and knock drinks over. As I was getting particularly animated arguing my case I fell down a pot hole and broke my ankle 😂😂😂

Just remembered this gem from my childhood. I was at my grans one day. She had one of those wooden stools that folded down. The stool seat lifted up and the X legs folded together. I was sat on it and it collapsed. Unfortunately for me I had my hands by my side holding onto the side of the stool with my fingers wrapped under the seat. The stool folded down, trapped my fingers and the weight of my body meant I couldn't free myself.

I was offered a lift from someone I had a crush on, in my eagerness to get in I opened the car door square into my face splitting my lip.

I have walked right into a lamppost splitting open my eyebrow.

Sleipped down the wooden steps on a boat and was so embarrassed I just pretended to be ok.

Decided to go up the kerb on my bike, changed my mind and went to ride alongside it instead, hit the kerb with the side of my tyre and went head first over the handlebars and skidded along the ground. Grazes and bruises all over.

Rode said bike into a railing and bruised my fanjo on the crossbar. It was a mens bike.

I was an adult for all of those!

Ouch! Some of the fanjo ones 🤢this is my current view

Years ago I used to grow the most enormous vegetables in my garden. In fact it was more than a garden because we had a small holding with chickens, goats, sheep and a cow. It was about this of year we used to pull up the carrots and other root vegetables before the early Autumn frosts set in.

One year I bent down to tug on a turnip, but it just would not move. I called to my partner and they wrapped their arms round my waist and tugged too. Two of us were still unable to budge the turnip. The cat saw and sauntered over (as they do) and put its paws round my partner's waist (it was a long, tall cat). Together the three of us pulled, but budge this turnip would not. It was simply enormous.

The dog tried to help. It bounded over (in ways that cats do not) and put its paws round the dog. We pulled. Nothing. Then the sheep joined in, the goat got behind the sheep and the alpaca after that (we did not have an alpaca, but we were grateful anyway) and then finally the cow. We pulled, we tugged, we grasped and we heaved. Yet still the bloody turnip would not come out. Finally, we took some deep breathes for one ultimate massive tug-of-war. But we did not see the little mouse crept out from under the cowshed and take hold of the ow's tail and lend its own tiny frame to pull out the turnip. And it made all the difference. With a creak, a groan and a snap of its tap root, the turnip finally gave way and up it came. With all that pressure the turnip launched up into the air, sending sand and earth clods everywhere, before falling back to earth with a very heavy thud.

The turnip was so large that its impact sent shock waves out across the farm, into the valley, across the nearest town and right into the local police station. They promptly sent out an armed squad to investigate, who encircled our house and garden. It was as we were emerging from our house, arms up in the air, that I failed to remember our back door was a little lower than the standard door-frame size. As my fingernails brushed along the top of the door-frame, the one on my right-hand middle finger caught on a wood knot, bent backwards and really hurt.

Attempted to climb a small banana tree age sixteen, which (obviously) keeled over under my weight. Walked away with a few bruises, which is more than can be said for the banana tree.

Freshwater brilliant

Freshwater.
That takes me back to my childhood. Ladybird book called the enormous turnip.

I have tears streaming down my face 😂😂😂😂😂

Sorry I meant I'm crying over the post about the Zumba instructor!

I was getting out of bed one morning. Stood up and snapped a bone in my foot 😟
When I was a child the brakes on my bike failed. I hit a wall at speed and launched into orbit, breaking my shoulder on landing.

My brother thought it was the most stunning display of airborne acrobatics he'd ever seen 😂

Smoking a cigarette outside my bedroom window as a super cool badgirl teen, fell out of the window onto a fence, had to find and hide the smouldering cigarette before calling for help. Huuuuge bruise on my thigh. Pretty sure my mum knew what I'd been up to!

Lately it's been unseasonably warm. Lots of disorientated wasps have been seeking heat and light that my kitchen apparently provides. Had some knickers drying on the kitchen radiator. Two days ago, early morning, getting ready for work, got a pair off the radiator and pulled them on. Wasp in gusset. Pain that I never knew could be. Swollen vag. More pain. Ouch.

I was getting a packet of super noodles off the shelf in Tesco. They had left them in the cardboard sleeve and as I got it out my finger sliced down the side of the card. I thought it was just a paper cut but it wouldn't stop bleeding as it was quite deep so had to go to customer service for a plaster!

The cardboard sleeves are lethal. I used to stock shelves PT at Ada, and the baby-food trays were deadly.