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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU with wild imagination of new pilot boyfriend?

209 replies

Magic00 · 08/10/2019 10:12

Hello!
Long time lurker first time poster!

I’ve just started dating a man who I think is the one. He’s kind, funny, v good in bed and generous. I met him through a university friend and it’s moving fast. BUT he’s a first officer for a big airline so is away a lot in the week.
We message when he’s away and I have his schedule but it’s not helping my niggling jealousy. I’ve never been the jealous type before. I’ve seen all the glamorous crew on tv and spend hours online reading stories of room parties and wild nights out. They all look like models and make up artists. I work in accounts in a boring office job and haven’t a clue about Mac etc. Surely if you’re away in a paid hotel room with these girls you’re going to “enjoy” yourself? I know this sounds horrible but he’s on quite a good salary and they’re on a low one. I worry that they would target him for his pay check. He’s very sweet and chats to everyone so mightn’t know their plans.

I haven’t really spoken to him about these concerns and don’t want to be over keen on what he did when he was on his layover otherwise he might be suspicious of how my brain is in over drive!
So my AIBU is - am I unreasonable thinking that every pilot is off shagging 24/7 in Miami Boston Shanghai?
Please mumsnet help me see sense! Do you worry about your partners!

OP posts:
hormonesorDHbeingadick · 08/10/2019 10:14

Girls?! Targeting your man?!

I think you need to work on your own self confidence and stop putting other women down.

Lovestonap · 08/10/2019 10:15

They would target him for his paycheck? Is that what you're doing? A man will either be faithful or he won't. It isn't situation/job dependent.

GeneHuntLover · 08/10/2019 10:15

Yeah because if he ended up shagging them it would be the women's fault, because he's soooooo sweet. Utter bollocks

Bluntness100 · 08/10/2019 10:15

Jesus, you've a really low opinion of women don't you.

Why's you're post not about him targeting these women, instead of them targeting him?

EssentialHummus · 08/10/2019 10:16

I'm not in the industry so can't help with that, but - you either trust him or you don't. If he's not doing anything to make you thing he's cheating, then it sounds like this is an internal issue that you need to get a handle on.

A cheater will cheat even if they work in the least sexy or glamorous industry in the world!

AmIThough · 08/10/2019 10:16

Yeah all the poor air hostesses shag the poor unsuspecting pilots for their money and it's not the pilots fault if his cock accidentally falls into another woman.

Bluntness100 · 08/10/2019 10:17

If you think he's a sleaze bag then end it. But don't blame the women. Blame him.

HopefullyAnonymous · 08/10/2019 10:17

If his name is Chris, he’s an arse and is sleeping with them all. If not, you’re probably safe.

MashedSpud · 08/10/2019 10:19

You sure he’s a pilot and not a married man pretending to be a pilot to explain away his absence?

Original poster
Magic00 · 08/10/2019 10:19

I’ve so many ideas in my head it’s going into over drive! I don’t mean that these women would do that but I was up till 3am thinking of what happens if this what happened if that.
He said it’s not a glamorous job and he’s always tired from work but if their partner worked in an office they wouldn’t have to think like this.
Sorry I didn’t mean to offend

OP posts:
Hesafriendfromwork · 08/10/2019 10:21

Honestly, I know several women who have become airline staff and ended up shagging pilots. 1 left her husband for OM. We lived near a big airport. So lots of people worked at or out of the nearest airport.

In every case the pilot is a grown man making his own decisions. Has snagged other members of staff before they were targeted by women for their wage.

Anymore that you have targetted him for his wage.

People cheat because they cheat. Because they want to.

You dont trust him. So the relationship doesnt have legs. If you stay together you will always be a ball of jealousy.

Either decide if you are right to not trust him. If its your head. Get help.

AryaStarkWolf · 08/10/2019 10:21

Poor men being "targeted" by these awful women. Making them cheat tut tut

Horehound · 08/10/2019 10:21

Pilots are notorious for shagging about. Sorry to the people who don't believe it but it's true

Hesafriendfromwork · 08/10/2019 10:23

but if their partner worked in an office they wouldn’t have to think like this.

Really? I have worked in offices for 20 years. Lots of people have met their partners at work, had affairs, left partner for colleagues. Its not that unusual in offices either

Original poster
Magic00 · 08/10/2019 10:23

Yes I’m very sure

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 08/10/2019 10:25

Op it's very simple.

If you don't trust him and think he's the sort to shag about when in a relationship then end it. It's not about the women, or his job. It's about him.

Trying to blame the women, is batshit. Either you trust him or you don't.

Clearly you don't. So end it.

AryaStarkWolf · 08/10/2019 10:26

Pilots are notorious for shagging about. Sorry to the people who don't believe it but it's true

It's the blaming of the women for this though that's annoying. If the Pilot is in a relationship then it's his responsibility to say No

araiwa · 08/10/2019 10:26

You work in an office?

Good job office affairs have never happened...

FeelingUseless100 · 08/10/2019 10:27

I knew someone who was cabin crew and there were certainly a lot of parties and shagging in their (overseas) accommodation. It was well known and the staff saw the social side as a perk of the job. But it wasn’t the pilots, it was passengers and other ex-pats working in the same city who seemed to be the party goers. The pilots generally kept themselves separate, they have a leadership role and a lot to lose.

But yeah, if you don’t trust him then that’s a problem. Also, why do you think he’s with you, if you aren’t that interesting by your own appraisal? If he could be with some glamorous hostess instead why isn’t he?

LadyLanka · 08/10/2019 10:28

My OH is a senior pilot for a major European airline, he is virtually teetotal, they rarely if ever fly with the same cockpit crew, let alone cabin crew and, whilst he is extremely friendly, everything is on a strictly professional basis. We have been together for 13 years.
At the beginning I was like you, but seeing how upset he got when I teased him on the subject, I decided that there was no funny business going on and dropped it.
There are challenges being involved with someone in that industry as they are pretty much 24/7/365, but that is the price you pay.
If the tables were turned, how would you feel about him thinking the same about you?

Original poster
Magic00 · 08/10/2019 10:28

I think I’m going to ask him to go on a “trip” with him next month so I can see the dynamic with my eyes and what happens. Also I love spending time with him so that’s the main reason

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 08/10/2019 10:29

Internalised a lot of misogyny there op

Other than that, you're being ridiculous. If you don't trust him then dump him.

Original poster
Magic00 · 08/10/2019 10:29

Very good point about office affairs! Although my boss doesn’t give us hotel rooms each week though ...

OP posts:
Sron · 08/10/2019 10:29

I know this sounds horrible but he’s on quite a good salary and they’re on a low one. I worry that they would target him for his pay check. He’s very sweet and chats to everyone so mightn’t know their plans.

Yes, he's a sweet, befuddled nice guy who might accidentally tumble into the scheming, gold-digging vaginas of the cabin crew. They're probably flicking on the autopilot when they bring him his lunch in the cockpit while twanging their g-strings at him and winking suggestively.

GrimDamnFanjo · 08/10/2019 10:31

I think you need to calm down OP and concentrate on your own relationship. Being awake worrying at 3am isn't healthy. Nor is arranging to go and spy on him in his work environment.
Be more confident in yourself and don't see his work colleagues as competitors.