AIBU with wild imagination of new pilot boyfriend?

[Magic00]

Hello!
Long time lurker first time poster!

I’ve just started dating a man who I think is the one. He’s kind, funny, v good in bed and generous. I met him through a university friend and it’s moving fast. BUT he’s a first officer for a big airline so is away a lot in the week.
We message when he’s away and I have his schedule but it’s not helping my niggling jealousy. I’ve never been the jealous type before. I’ve seen all the glamorous crew on tv and spend hours online reading stories of room parties and wild nights out. They all look like models and make up artists. I work in accounts in a boring office job and haven’t a clue about Mac etc. Surely if you’re away in a paid hotel room with these girls you’re going to “enjoy” yourself? I know this sounds horrible but he’s on quite a good salary and they’re on a low one. I worry that they would target him for his pay check. He’s very sweet and chats to everyone so mightn’t know their plans.

I haven’t really spoken to him about these concerns and don’t want to be over keen on what he did when he was on his layover otherwise he might be suspicious of how my brain is in over drive!
So my AIBU is - am I unreasonable thinking that every pilot is off shagging 24/7 in Miami Boston Shanghai?
Please mumsnet help me see sense! Do you worry about your partners!

You don’t fool us @backinthebox.

You can continue giving us your first hand, evidence based accounts of what life is like as a pilot but WE KNOW DIFFERENT.

You don't have a very high opinion of other women.

OP. You sound terribly excited about the fact that he’s a pilot. I wonder if you’d be as keen if he was say a teacher or an accountant? Or a plumber maybe?

This is my take too, thr main and overwhelming attraction is his job, and she's decided she would like to marry a pilot, and she's worried the other women will try to steal him from her.

I live overseas in a city with a major airline based in it. Know lots of crew and pilots. The wild lifestyle and bed hopping is all true amongst a certain age group, across both sexes, gay and straight!

Look, you don’t need to break up with him but it does sound like you’ve given your head a wobble. Ask yourself this - why would he be with you if he wanted someone you perceive as much more glamorous and made up? He would just be with that person if that’s what he wanted. He wants to be with you. But you will drive him away if you carry on.

I don’t think it’s that you’re starry eyed about him being a pilot, I think you see it as a prestigious career so really anyone could ‘take him off you’ because you’re not enough to keep him. If he is still there then you have your answer :-)

Frankly, if you want to settle down and have children I'd be a lot more worried about the real barrier to that, which is having them with someone with a very demanding "lifestyle" job that will mean he is constantly away.

You don't have to break up with him. But if you do break up with him, absent actual evidence he is cheating, do it for a sensible reason!

I used to be cabin crew. Many crew are in their 40s/50s+ and happily married. On many trips I would do a bit of exploring (tourist stuff) then order room service and watch tv! No bed hopping and never knew anybody else to sleep around. I’m sure they did but it wasn’t blatant.

On most trips nobody wanted to even go out for dinner and drinks. Never saw any partying.

iamthewombat 😆😆😆

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy my job and make the most of my travels, but I’m mostly interested in sightseeing and eating out. My wildest ever night out was in Rio when the Olympics were on, and I partied with the rugby team’s mums. I got a bit pissed and kept telling them ‘look at your boys! You made that!’ 😆

We do have a private internet place where you can list your hobbies and what you like to get up to downroute. Everyone puts stuff like golf, skiing, visiting historic sights, squash, cycling, eating out, etc. I have never once seen anyone put ‘saucy fun and room parties, getting shitfaced, and picking up girls’ on their listing. We do meet up for dinner nad go out as crews, it would be a lonely job if you shunned colleague contact, but mostly we lay around by the pool and the captains go on about their pensions and the cabin crew go on about Amy from Love Island. Most people have a partner back home, but some are single. They’d all be disgusted at the idea of a quick shag with a colleague.

Every now and again it can get a bit out of hand when you have young people away from home for the first time. I had to spend some time on one trip explaining to one girl why it wasn’t a clever idea to go back to the room of a few lads she’d just met for a party at theirs, and I’ve had to carry a girl back to her room when she’d had a bit too much to drink. Once upon a time there did used to be parties, but that was over 20 years ago. The Channel 4 Dispatches documentary in 2000 made a few people look stupid and cost them their job, and ever since, people have been a lot more sensible at work. If you do anything untoward at work, it doesn’t stay a secret long. We are working harder than ever, longer nights with fewer days off downroute, and most people just want to do their job properly and get home. In all walks of life there are people who do misbehave at every opportunity, but it’s not a trait unique or even prevalent in pilots. I saw more of it at sales conferences in the career I used to have before flying.

But hey. If you have got it in your head that all pilots hump anything that moves with all the self control of a dog in a room full of bitches on heat, don’t let the truth from someone who works here get in the way of your theory.

I travel a lot for work and have stayed at many a hotel where crew are staying, and what I often see is cabin crew drinking and partying and the pilots stay out of it.

It's irrelevant though, because it's not about what some employees do, it's about what this man does, and if the op trusts him.

As said though, I don't think this is about trusting him, she's judging the female crew by her own standards and worried rhey are a threat.

OP - would you be worried if your boyfriend was a train driver? Because the conductors and onboard customer service assistants would be throwing themselves at him?

It really is just a job. I rarely meet any girls that look like models. Mostly normal, attractive looking and well groomed crew members.

Every time I read this I think it says "imaginary boyfriend".

A one liner that every cabin crew hears from a pilots mouth ‘but my wife/gf doesn’t understand me...’ 🙄 oh bore off Nigel! Used to make me want to sew my fanny up.

@Longdistance have a

Well, listening to that crap for 15 years on Eurofleet I’ll stuff the in my ears, thanks

Have you left now? Because that would probably be a blessing all round.

YABU to blame the women but I’ve had friends who are cabin crew and I wouldn’t trust a pilot.

There surely can't be an adult who spell their name and count past 10 that thinks you can get pregnant standing up.

You'd question the critical thinking of anyone who believes that someone thinks to too.

Not sure what the whole murdered by a sex pilot thing is about (I'm guessing with hints at a troll), but if this is real you're two issues here.

Your having been cheated on has effected you. You need to understand not everyone one cheats. Those that do will, and that's their choice. No person who wants to be faithful can be tricked into having sex with anyone. No matter how well they can do MAC.

The way you appear to like someone is to hero worship them in the sense you think he's so amazing everyone has to want to want him. It's unlikely that an fellow air crew will be overwhelmed with the need to shag hom because he asked how her day was.

Thank you for everyone who took the time to reply. I’m screenshotting to read it all when my crazy thoughts gets the best of me.
Himself is back later and I’ve really missed him. I’m going to work on me before exploding all my stereotypical misogynistic thoughts onto him especially when’s he’s jet lagged!

Of course all cabin crew are stripe hunters who don't earn much....

Beware Op you could be a future Jackie

I left, gladly don’t miss the wandering hands, the phone calls to my room, the intercom calls from the flight deck because the captain wanted to ‘speak’ to me. The general sexual harassment and being leached on 🤮

Op, I hope it works out for you.

Why is a pilot so prized?

Just the high wages? I thought ba were the highest paid at an average of 160k and most earn way less than that.

Well, @Longdistance, I’m baffled. We all had a read of this thread yesterday on our meal break during our day of flying. I only fly LH, but the cabin crew I’m with atm fly a mix of LH and SH, and they laughed their heads off at this thread. None of them have ever been groped, called in their room, letched at or in any way sexually harassed.

I imagine on Eurofleet you didn’t come across much ‘controlled rest.’ It’s not something we talk about publicly very often as it would disturb most passengers to find that one of their pilots might be taking a nap in the cockpit, but it’s often the only way to manage on a long 2 crew overnight flight and still be as fresh as a daisy to land the aircraft at 7am. If there was any doubt in my mind - any doubt at all! - that my colleague had ‘wandering hands’ I would not be able to safely close my eyes for 10 minutes while sitting next to them. I also share bunk space on ultra long haul flights with the 4th pilot and have never once had anything accidentally poke through the curtain. I dunno. Maybe I’m unusually ugly and you are unusually attractive, but this is just something that happened to you, it’s not happening to me, and it’s not by all accounts happening to other women I work with.

@MarthasGinYard, I’m sure I’ve actually flown with them. I did a 3 crew trip where I was heavy and the operating pair were husband and wife. It was a very weird trip!

What is ‘being leached on’?

Do you mean ‘being leeched on’, as in the pilots sucking your blood? Or getting you to pay for everything because of your extreme wealth? Both fantastically intriguing scenarios. Tell us more.

Or is it truly ‘leaching’ as in draining soluble mineral compounds from you by drenching you with water over an extended period? That is arguably even more exciting than the ‘pilot vampire’ scenario. We must know!

Come on, @backinthebox. You’ll know about this stuff.

Letched, surely. Being the subject of lecherous behaviour.