Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU with wild imagination of new pilot boyfriend?

209 replies

Magic00 · 08/10/2019 10:12

Hello!
Long time lurker first time poster!

I’ve just started dating a man who I think is the one. He’s kind, funny, v good in bed and generous. I met him through a university friend and it’s moving fast. BUT he’s a first officer for a big airline so is away a lot in the week.
We message when he’s away and I have his schedule but it’s not helping my niggling jealousy. I’ve never been the jealous type before. I’ve seen all the glamorous crew on tv and spend hours online reading stories of room parties and wild nights out. They all look like models and make up artists. I work in accounts in a boring office job and haven’t a clue about Mac etc. Surely if you’re away in a paid hotel room with these girls you’re going to “enjoy” yourself? I know this sounds horrible but he’s on quite a good salary and they’re on a low one. I worry that they would target him for his pay check. He’s very sweet and chats to everyone so mightn’t know their plans.

I haven’t really spoken to him about these concerns and don’t want to be over keen on what he did when he was on his layover otherwise he might be suspicious of how my brain is in over drive!
So my AIBU is - am I unreasonable thinking that every pilot is off shagging 24/7 in Miami Boston Shanghai?
Please mumsnet help me see sense! Do you worry about your partners!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 08/10/2019 10:32

How long have you even been dating him to decide "he's the one" Confused

Icantthinkofanewname87 · 08/10/2019 10:33

If he’s the type to cheat then he will. If he isn’t the type to cheat then he won’t. It has nothing to do with any women who are around him and is entirely about him as a person. You either trust him or you don’t and only you can decide.

ChilledBee · 08/10/2019 10:34

I'd be thinking about more practical things like whether I want a partner who is away so much. Especially if kids were a plan for me

OrchidInTheSun · 08/10/2019 10:34

What a load of misogynist bilge.

He's an adult male with agency over what he does and doesn't do.

NearlyGranny · 08/10/2019 10:35

Some people can cope with a partner whose job takes them away or with a long-distance relationship: some can't. I think you're discovering which you are at the moment!

Hesafriendfromwork · 08/10/2019 10:36

Very good point about office affairs! Although my boss doesn’t give us hotel rooms each week though ...

I cant count the times affairs in offices have happened with the boss providing a hotel room.

Nights out, end up going back to one if theirs. I have known several people who have had sex in the office (meeting rooms, storage cupboards etc). Chrotsmas parties are notorious for it

OP going on a trip wont help. The dynamic will always be different with another peeso there. If I took my dp out with my work colleagues it would be. I am not shagging any of them.

The problem here is that you dont trust him. Going with him on occassio wont fix that.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 08/10/2019 10:36

Anyone else reminded of the storyline in corrie with Deirdre and the pilot?

Original poster
Magic00 · 08/10/2019 10:38

Thank you thank you for all your messages you’ve given me the smack over the head I need.
My last relationship he was a serial cheater and was so naive to all the signs so now I’m unhealthily worrying about it now.
I’ve had friends and families tell me oh I had a friend who left his wife for crew etc etc.
I look on instagram too much especially any girls who hashtag his airline. Honestly they’re like Victoria secrets models

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 08/10/2019 10:41

To be honest, I wouldn't go out with a pilot. There's so many shagging stories about. Which may or may not be true. It may or may not be all pilots, may just be some.
Whether it's my own confidence or not, I'd be too anxious all the time which just wouldn't be pleasant. Plenty more fish in the sea.

TottieandMarchpane · 08/10/2019 10:43

I know this sounds horrible but he’s on quite a good salary and they’re on a low one. I worry that they would target him for his pay check. He’s very sweet and chats to everyone so mightn’t know their plans.

What? He’s naive that he might accidentally be seduced without realising it’s happening?

Also, you seem to be assuming that women on low pay are all trollops. Especially beautiful young women.

Do you mean to sound so insulting to everybody involved?

FizzyGreenWater · 08/10/2019 10:44

You could google Mac though? If you can't sleep you could use the time beefing up on it, and also perhaps Maybelline New York.

Grannybags · 08/10/2019 10:45

@PrincessHoneysuckle Yes, me! Didn’t it turn out he worked in Tie Rack?

BarbaraofSeville · 08/10/2019 10:46

I look on instagram too much especially any girls who hashtag his airline

Why? That sounds like quite bizarre behaviour and what are the odds that these 'girls' have even met your boyfriend, let alone anything else, given that he works for a big airline with thousands of pilots and cabin crew.

Lots of people work away and stay in hotels, and it's probably only a minority who've been unfaithful. And many of the people who've been unfaithful have probably managed it without a hotel room or working away. It's more about the person, whether they do that sort of thing.

But I wouldn't ask to go with him on his next work trip - it's work and him turning up with his girlfriend in tow would make him look quite mad.

Ginkypig · 08/10/2019 10:46

I agree wholeheartedly with most of the posters on this thread. Icant sums it up perfectly!

It shouldn't matter to be honest but if it makes you feel better. I live near a major airport and see a lot of both male and female cabin crew on their way to work, waiting for the airport bus or walking along the street and 99% of them just look like normal humans not ugly but also not very glamorous or model like either. Most of them just look entirely normal and the only way to tell they work as cabin crew is the uniform and the small case. If they were dressed in jeans and a top I wouldn't even notice them!

the only thing I occasionally is notice is some of them wear a lot of makeup but when you see that up close I my opinion it's not something that enhances the appearance but that is nothing to do with me or a judgement, just an observation.

OMGshefoundmeout · 08/10/2019 10:47

Lol at this. I’ve just been away with a mixed group of friends, 3 men, 7 women. We met when training for a job that is traditionally female and although we live all over the U.K. we keep in touch and try to have a weekend away together every couple of years. This year one of the men confessed that him and his wife had had a row before he left because he was going away with a group of glamorous women. At the time he told us this we were sitting round the fire after a long walk, wearing an eclectic mix of trackies, pjs and woolly socks, our faces glowing from a heady mix of wine, pub food and fresh air. A less glamorous bunch I have never seen!

They are working OP, what looks glamorous from the outside is just slog and sweat and late nights when you are caught up inside it. I think it is a good idea to go with him and set your mind at rest. My friend did invite his wife to join us for lunch one day that weekend (we were staying an hours drive from their home), but she declined. I think she would have felt a lot better if she had turned up and seen how very relaxed and unflirty the group dynamic is.

ineedanonmol · 08/10/2019 10:47

I know a women who was cabin crew and she went after a pilot who had a long term gf and child. She got the pilot, stopped him seeing his kid, had two of her own very quickly after meeting and is now always insecure he's cheating. If I bloke wants to cheat he will, if he doesn't he won't, but I've heard its pretty common.

Badtasteflump · 08/10/2019 10:48

If he has done nothing to cause suspicion, you really need to work on your self esteem before you drive yourself nuts - and wreck your relationship.

The only red flag I can see here is you saying you think he's 'the one' when in your words, you only started dating recently. How can you possibly know that already? Just be careful you're not turning him into Prince Charming in your head when actually he is probably just a normal man.

Branleuse · 08/10/2019 10:50

i think this relationship is already off to a bad start tbh, and you should probably get out now before you go mental with jealousy.
You barely know him, youve only just started dating him, and you already think hes "the one" and are jealous and patronising of his female colleagues and want to go with him on trips to check out the other women and their dynamic? What on earth do you plan to do?. This is very unhealthy and I suspect youre going to find this entire relationship a headfuck. If hes as nice and as loaded as you say, then he is going to give short shrift to this sort of nonsense. Just let him work. Anybody can cheat

ChuckleBuckles · 08/10/2019 10:51

I know this sounds horrible but he’s on quite a good salary and they’re on a low one. I worry that they would target him for his pay check. He’s very sweet and chats to everyone so mightn’t know their plans

Are you not concerned that he may use his position of authority to manipulate these low paid, vulnerable women into sexual encounters they would not otherwise consent too for fear of losing their jobs though OP? He may target them for the very reason you have decided they are beneath you. Any work place I have been in or know of protects the higher earning man when everything hits the fan office romance wise.

Original poster
Magic00 · 08/10/2019 10:52

We’ve been seeing each other since April so I’m not sure if people think that’s a short or long time

OP posts:
bookwormsforever · 08/10/2019 10:52

Bloody hell. You've only just started seeing him!! Why on earth were you up until 3am worrying about this shit?

And I look on instagram too much especially any girls who hashtag his airline. Honestly they’re like Victoria secrets models

Well, stop that right away because that's just insane. Go and do something worthwhile.

You have a worryingly low opinion of other women. (And what do you like about him. His money?)

I’ve had friends and families tell me oh I had a friend who left his wife for crew etc etc.

Really? how many people do you know who have dated airline crew??

He's going to be away a lot. Either you trust him or you don't.

If you don't, better finish it now or else it will drive you insane and you will drive him away with your suspicions and jealousy.

You'd be better off working on your own jealousy and insecurity instead of projecting it on him.

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2019 10:54

There was a thread almost identical to this about a year ago.

See if you can search it out and take any 'tips' from that.

WorraLiberty · 08/10/2019 10:55

That's if you can find it of course. It may have been deleted.

QualCheckBot · 08/10/2019 10:55

Well, don't go out with him then! Its supposed to be enjoyable, not cause you to stay awake at 3am googling anyone who might speak to him on Instagram!

Mind you, the only pilot I knew ended up killing his wife! He was a nightmare neighbour that I called the police on several years before he murdered her:

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-berkshire-135227597

Not meaning to scare you but don't google "pilot killed wife" or anything...

midnightmisssuki · 08/10/2019 10:58

Oh lord. You sound a bit errrrrr crazy OP. My brother is a pilot, I’ll ask him if he shags around. And - as for the ‘following’ him on a work trip to ‘judge’ with your eyes under the guise of spending time with him? That’s low. You don’t trust him because he earns a lot of money and you are afraid the poorly paid stewardesses will shag him because of this pay? How sad that all you see him is a pay packet. And sad you blame the women.