AIBU with wild imagination of new pilot boyfriend?

[Magic00]

Hello!
Long time lurker first time poster!

I’ve just started dating a man who I think is the one. He’s kind, funny, v good in bed and generous. I met him through a university friend and it’s moving fast. BUT he’s a first officer for a big airline so is away a lot in the week.
We message when he’s away and I have his schedule but it’s not helping my niggling jealousy. I’ve never been the jealous type before. I’ve seen all the glamorous crew on tv and spend hours online reading stories of room parties and wild nights out. They all look like models and make up artists. I work in accounts in a boring office job and haven’t a clue about Mac etc. Surely if you’re away in a paid hotel room with these girls you’re going to “enjoy” yourself? I know this sounds horrible but he’s on quite a good salary and they’re on a low one. I worry that they would target him for his pay check. He’s very sweet and chats to everyone so mightn’t know their plans.

I haven’t really spoken to him about these concerns and don’t want to be over keen on what he did when he was on his layover otherwise he might be suspicious of how my brain is in over drive!
So my AIBU is - am I unreasonable thinking that every pilot is off shagging 24/7 in Miami Boston Shanghai?
Please mumsnet help me see sense! Do you worry about your partners!

Phew OP thank goodness you're back, I thought you had been MURDERED by the SEX PILOT

You need to build some self esteem. How old is he? The one I dated was 50 & said the air hostesses were all his daughters age (early twenties) & slightly terrifying. He was divorced, rather shy, geeky type, I'm late 40's. We split because all he talked about was flying.

I think their colleague was mid 40s wife and teenagers at home. He was the one who didn’t understand conception

In a pig’s ear! I don’t believe a word of it.

Who says you have to break up with him? Just calm down a bit. You haven’t known him long and you’re still finding out what sort of person he is. Just hold back on the dinners to ‘discuss your worries and ideas’ and FGS don’t start overwhelming him with ‘I’m ready to start a family’.

I’m so heartbroken at the thought of a silly job causing this.

The job hasn't caused this. Your past and your issues have. You don't have to be alone to work through issues; I'm not the same person DH met 13 years ago, I've worked through things and evolved just as everyone does. The most important part is that you need to accept that you've got to fix your attitude to trust and relationships. You can totally do that as part of a couple.

Those bitches are out to get him and his money. They put out their foot, he trips and his penis accidentally goes in their vagina. Total accident - not his fault - no court in the land would blame him.

Phew OP thank goodness you're back, I thought you had been MURDERED by the SEX PILOT

BTW when I read the title ‘...wild imagination of new pilot boyfriend’ I though we were going to get a saucy thread in which he will only get it on in a flight simulator or whilst drinking duty free and ostentatiously taking off a seatbelt whilst the seatbelt lights were still on or something.

My 'friend' works in an office and shags her boss in his office. If the guy is going to cheat it doesn't matter where he works and how much he earns he's going to cheat.

If you have been hurt before it makes sense why you would be worried. I had the same thought at the start of my relationship with my now husband who is a doctor, I had visions of a nurse doctor cliche but I knew I could trust him and realised he works so hard he doesn't have the energy to cheat so got over it. I'm sure the trust will build up over time.

Why would you break up with him?

You trust him, or you don't. You need to get to know him better.

TBH if the OP is worried about her boyfriend being away for extended periods of time then the relationship isn't going to work - such absences are very much a part of the job, especially for those that fly long haul...

FWIW a wise airline pilot (retired) once said:

"If I had earned as much money as people thought I did, if I had had as much time off as people thought I had, and if I had had as much sex as people thought I had got, well it would have been the perfect job..."

No one accused you of being a gold digger, OP. That's your view of other women.
I can only hope his mates were all laughing at their colleague's idiotic claim of ignorance around contraception.
FWIW he doesn't sound that generous if he has you splitting the costs of your ready meals. I think you're safe.

I felt so sorry for this girl who’d just started her career but was just met with laughs.

Was she not a willing participant in this contraception-free encounter, then? Does she not know how impregnation occurs?

I’m so heartbroken at the thought of a silly job causing this.

The job hasn’t caused this. Your paranoia, lack of trust, and misogynistic stereotyping of women who wear make-up and are on a proportionally lower income than a pilot has caused this.

I think you’re on a wind-up here though, so 🤷‍♀️

II haven't RTFT yet but, while I think you're overreacting, I don't think it's just a cliche about pilots unfortunately.

I once had to do a photo shoot for a major airline and I was quite shocked at how differently the pilots acted around the female staff compared to men in regular jobs. It had the atmosphere of a late night bar (this was 2pm), with the men loudly 'appraising' the more attractive women.

I saw exactly the same behaviour at Virgin Records HQ when I met a relative for lunch there back in the day, so I do think it's cultural to an extent and male employees start to just mimic what seems to be the norm, to fit in and get on.

Having said that, PLEASE DON'T mention your worries to him though - I don't think there is any bigger romance killer than a partner needing reassurance early on in a relationship!

I know someone who pretended to be an airline pilot and conned money out of several woman , and spent a few weeks in prison as a result

Its not him is it?

Remember Deirdre Barlow folks...

My DB is in the same job. It isn't what you think it is - not glamourise in the slightest and it is an endless stream of hotel rooms. The girls are normal girls, nothing out of the ordinary. If he is trustworthy then doing the job won't change that.

@GrimDamnFanjo oh no don’t say that I don’t think I could take any more! Love Deirdre though

@ReadyPayerTwo I’ve decided to think about how I would feel if sprung a dinner on me after 6 months accusing me of sleeping around and using old fashioned stereotypes about my colleagues. I would be fuming and freaked out about the neediness too. It’s such a turn off for me so would be for him too.
I’m glad you agree with me though that it is a very different industry and it’s not just in my head!

I have stayed in many a hotel on business where flight crew stay, there are plenty of wild shenanigans going on!

@Ringdonna it’s apparently very common and I’ve read loads of newspaper articles too about this

@Iamthewombat well we do do lots of role play and I have a few costumes too! So my imagination is fine with that thanks

OP. You sound terribly excited about the fact that he’s a pilot. I wonder if you’d be as keen if he was say a teacher or an accountant? Or a plumber maybe? You need to slow down, calm down and certainly not spill out your thoughts on either your insecurities or your raging ovaries at this early stage. You’ll frighten him off if you aren’t careful.

Someone tell me where the parties are! I’m missing out! I’ve been an airline pilot for over 20 years and it’s not like that when I’m at work!

FFS!!!

Just off to do my next flight. When we get back to the hotel we might have a quiet drink in the hotel bar, if it’s still open when we get back at the very unglamorous late time. Then I’ll go to my bed, all alone, and call home in the morning. We might go out on a boat tomorrow, but that would be just me and the captain as we get an extra day here to compensate for lack of sleep. The cabin crew get a break on board the flight so they go home a day earlier, they don’t get a day off here. It’s a job.

What all the others said.