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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU with wild imagination of new pilot boyfriend?

209 replies

Magic00 · 08/10/2019 10:12

Hello!
Long time lurker first time poster!

I’ve just started dating a man who I think is the one. He’s kind, funny, v good in bed and generous. I met him through a university friend and it’s moving fast. BUT he’s a first officer for a big airline so is away a lot in the week.
We message when he’s away and I have his schedule but it’s not helping my niggling jealousy. I’ve never been the jealous type before. I’ve seen all the glamorous crew on tv and spend hours online reading stories of room parties and wild nights out. They all look like models and make up artists. I work in accounts in a boring office job and haven’t a clue about Mac etc. Surely if you’re away in a paid hotel room with these girls you’re going to “enjoy” yourself? I know this sounds horrible but he’s on quite a good salary and they’re on a low one. I worry that they would target him for his pay check. He’s very sweet and chats to everyone so mightn’t know their plans.

I haven’t really spoken to him about these concerns and don’t want to be over keen on what he did when he was on his layover otherwise he might be suspicious of how my brain is in over drive!
So my AIBU is - am I unreasonable thinking that every pilot is off shagging 24/7 in Miami Boston Shanghai?
Please mumsnet help me see sense! Do you worry about your partners!

OP posts:
northerngirl2012 · 08/10/2019 10:59

Since April is 6 months and long enough for you to realise if this relationship is worth pursuing. Have you thoughts of ways to increase your confidence and self worth, rather than worrying what he's doing?

Hope it works out for you.

reasonablesettlement · 08/10/2019 10:59

Surely he was a pilot before you met him? If he has such a ready supply of hot, glamorous women, why is he bothering with the boring girl from accounts?

If we set aside your low opinion of women working in the airline industry, this is what remains.

If this is a new relationship and you are already thinking like this, these thoughts will transform into words and or actions. Actually they already are, as you a going to suggest going on a trip to assess the risk.... You will kill the relationship if you carry on like this.

Real like is not like the movies, Instagram posts are filtered, doctored, tailor, selective....

Roussette · 08/10/2019 11:02

I think I’m going to ask him to go on a “trip” with him next month so I can see the dynamic with my eyes and what happens

You've been seeing him for 6 months and want to stalk him at his work because you don't trust him.

Do you honestly think this makes for a trusting worthwhile relationship?

ArtichokeAardvark · 08/10/2019 11:05

A good friend of mine is cabin crew for BA. She once told me that she would NEVER date a pilot for exactly the reasons you worry about. I'm not remotely saying that your chap automatically fits the stereotype, but I'm afraid they do have that rep and I would move cautiously on this one.

BarbaraofSeville · 08/10/2019 11:06

Surely he was a pilot before you met him? If he has such a ready supply of hot, glamorous women, why is he bothering with the boring girl from accounts

Well he wouldn't want to be in a relationship with a member of cabin crew because they're all off shagging the other pilots Wink.

reasonablesettlement · 08/10/2019 11:07

Actually, what I am really thinking is what has this "sweet, chatty" man done to deserve such a prejudiced and judgmental woman. The problem here is not his weakness or helplessness, not is it those gold-digging, Mac-encased, predatory women; it is you.

Considering your views and prejudices, would you be going anywhere near him if it were not for his pay-check?

Longdistance · 08/10/2019 11:07

I’m ex cabin crew. I never went near them as they were shaggers. They won’t be after a FO pay cheque I can tell you. I worked for one of the bigger airlines and my pay was nearly as much as a FO. That’s zero incentive.

Work on your self esteem. He may even take you on a trip. Oh, and don’t get arsey with the crew or your name will be mud!

QualCheckBot · 08/10/2019 11:07

OP just wants to show off that she's dating a pilot.

Or not, as the case may be...

DontMakeMeShushYou · 08/10/2019 11:08

@BarbaraOfSeville
But I wouldn't ask to go with him on his next work trip - it's work and him turning up with his girlfriend in tow would make him look quite mad.

If you work in the airline industry, it's quite usual to have an allocation of free or very cheap tickets to take your family/friends with you. it's one of the perks of the job - occasionally being able to take a family member with you on a long haul flight if you're going to have a few days stopover. It wouldn't be in the least bit odd for the OP to ask to go with him next time the opportunity arises.

FizzyGreenWater · 08/10/2019 11:10

But the terrible truth seems to be that OP is actually being cheated on by a pilot WHO COULD ALSO BE A MURDERER.

Stirring stuff.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 08/10/2019 11:11

Honestly. You are far too interested in his salary. One of the first words you use to describe him is 'generous' and then all this focus that these beautiful young women will want him for it. Poor chap, do you think that is all he's worth?

Ponoka7 · 08/10/2019 11:11

In every destination he goes to there will be much more glamorous women and prostitutes available.

All will come with a lower price tag than shagging a work colleague.

My DD has Friends (22-26),who are Cabin Crew, none are interested in the pilots. There are richer men (if that's what they are about) who are far more interesting than the pilot.

You do have a very strange and disfunctional view of Women.

PlasticPatty · 08/10/2019 11:12

He’s very sweet and chats to everyone so mightn’t know their plans.

Excuse me whilst I die laughing.
The poor innocent lamb. Women coming on to him everywhere and he doesn't understand. Grin

itbemay1 · 08/10/2019 11:12

@Sron Grin

Original poster
Magic00 · 08/10/2019 11:12

Lots of his friends bring gfs family wives along so it’s not really an odd thing. It would be odd if he came in and sat opposite my desk for 3 days though!

OP posts:
MoanyAnna · 08/10/2019 11:13

If I were in your position, the first thing I would be asking myself is why has he remained single as he seems to be very eligible. Has he offered any explanation for that ? Even so, I don't think I would be pinning any long term hopes on the relationship thus far. Have you both agreed to be exclusive at least ?

seasidequayside · 08/10/2019 11:14

You sure he’s a pilot and not a married man pretending to be a pilot to explain away his absence?

Classic Deirdre Barlow 'fake pilot' storyline in Corrie. He is probably going to get you to sign over your life savings. Careful there OP!

VladmirsPoutine · 08/10/2019 11:17

I don't think your worries are unreasonable. How you have expressed them is, however, unreasonable. If he's going to cheat - he's going to cheat. No woman drags a man along who didn't want to be dragged along. You need to work on your own confidence. You hold him in such high esteem it's as though you think he's out of your league.

Zaphodsotherhead · 08/10/2019 11:17

He’s very sweet and chats to everyone so mightn’t know their plans

Don't create this image of him in your head as being sweetly innocent and naive. No woman is going to be laying a breadcrumb trail to her bedroom door for the poor unworldly dear. If he cheats, he will do it knowingly.

But he might not. Not every man is a shagger. I'm old enough to remember the days of travelling salesmen, they had an awful reputation for sleeping around but the ones I worked with were perfect gentlemen and devoted to their wives.

banskuwansku · 08/10/2019 11:21

I would just start to date another man in my office. I could keep eye on him whole day. Pay check wouldn't be that high but at least I could sleep well.

littleduckeggblue · 08/10/2019 11:23

I have lots of friends who are air stewards for the big airlines company's. I'm not going to lie, they are all stunning girls from Make up backgrounds op. Very harsh of you to say they would target your boyfriend for his money? So it would be the girls fault not your boyfriends fault?

littleduckeggblue · 08/10/2019 11:24

Just read the part about you looking on insta and searching hashtags of the airline. Too far OP. You need help

Hesafriendfromwork · 08/10/2019 11:25

Lots of his friends bring gfs family wives along so it’s not really an odd thing.

You would be going for this purpose though. Just to see the dynamic. Except the dynamic would be different and he will do loads of trips without after that.

Its not going to make a difference

Costacoffeeplease · 08/10/2019 11:26

Bonkers

Sheld0r · 08/10/2019 11:26

I dated a Captain of a large airline for a few years. I trusted him and didn't think he was up to anything like that whilst away. He was more concerned about keeping on UK time and trying to spend time in the gym to keep himself fit rather than shagging around. It didn't seem to be the glamours job that everyone thinks it is. I went on a few trips with him when I had time and all I saw was crew members talking to their families at home and then trying to relax before the flight back. My ex wouldn't drink when away due to very strict alcohol limits. He was in charge so wouldn't take the risk.

I don't think it matters what job someone does. If they want to shag around they will do. If you see this going somewhere then you need to build your self esteem and put your insecurities aside. Go on a trip with him and see for yourself that you have nothing to worry about.

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