AIBU with wild imagination of new pilot boyfriend?

[Magic00]

Hello!
Long time lurker first time poster!

I’ve just started dating a man who I think is the one. He’s kind, funny, v good in bed and generous. I met him through a university friend and it’s moving fast. BUT he’s a first officer for a big airline so is away a lot in the week.
We message when he’s away and I have his schedule but it’s not helping my niggling jealousy. I’ve never been the jealous type before. I’ve seen all the glamorous crew on tv and spend hours online reading stories of room parties and wild nights out. They all look like models and make up artists. I work in accounts in a boring office job and haven’t a clue about Mac etc. Surely if you’re away in a paid hotel room with these girls you’re going to “enjoy” yourself? I know this sounds horrible but he’s on quite a good salary and they’re on a low one. I worry that they would target him for his pay check. He’s very sweet and chats to everyone so mightn’t know their plans.

I haven’t really spoken to him about these concerns and don’t want to be over keen on what he did when he was on his layover otherwise he might be suspicious of how my brain is in over drive!
So my AIBU is - am I unreasonable thinking that every pilot is off shagging 24/7 in Miami Boston Shanghai?
Please mumsnet help me see sense! Do you worry about your partners!

But seriously: just calm down or he’ll get sick of your paranoia and move on to somebody more sensible who doesn’t do secret DNA tests when he gets back from trips.

You’re going to what? When are you buying the rabbit and the saucepan?

@AlexaAmbidextra

AIDS. Stands for Airline induced divorce syndrome . It’s a thing and I became a casualty. Relationships don’t just fail because of the opportunity to have sex , they often fail because it’s hard to keep a marriage going when one of you is never home and all the complications that brings with it.

You’re going to what? When are you buying the rabbit and the saucepan? 🙄

There are lots happily married and faithful pilots!

You obviously don't think yours can be one, perhaps it's best to end it now.

Sorry OP, but in my head you are 100% going out with [URL=cabin-pressure.fandom.com/wiki/Martin_Crieff First Officer Martin Crieff]. Which is good news for you, since he's far too loyal to cheat and in any case is only capable of talking to women about aeroplanes.

Seriously, though, do you realise that the way you have talked about women and indeed your BF here is really offensive? You have a lot of internalised misogyny, and it's for you on your own to work that out, preferably in counselling. Because the person who seems to be after your boyfriend for his paycheque, according to your description, is you.

I have no doubt the job can enable fucking around for people who want to fuck around. So can any work-away job. You either trust that he isn't one of those people, or you need to break up with him.

Ah bugger, carked link. The glory that is Martin Crieff of Cabin Pressure, for anyone who cares. cabin-pressure.fandom.com/wiki/Martin_Crieff

I know a retired pilot. He says that a lot of this sort of thing went on years ago, when they had days in hotels between flights and there was a bit of a mindset amongst some of the cabin crew that the point of the job was to bag a pilot. Nowadays the turn arounds are far tighter, they only get enough time to have a good nights sleep before they go back, which of course cuts out any drinking. The cabin crew also have other aims in life than marrying a pilot and, according to him, the rate of same sex relationships with the female cabin crew is very high these days.
Sadly my friend ended up divorced after he retired. He was never unfaithful to his wife but the pressures of the job, Christmas away from home on too many occasions, not being around to see his daughter grow up and the stress of compulsory retirement at 65 were the things that took their toll. In a full career a couple of redundancies are possible and of course in the early stages of a flying career the training costs are far more than a normal student loan.

Your post is bonkers by the way. You sound dazzled by the fact you have snagged yourself a pilot. So did my ExH new wife. I’m not sure how she’s feeling now mind you. He worked for Thomas Cook.

Sounds like you are falling for him!

And naturally, are then feeling insecure as you don’t know where you stand yet. It’s still at the dating stage and yes, he could be shagging the air hostesses, but probably not. It’s the risk of putting your emotions in!

If there aren’t any extra red flags, hiding phone, calls in the night, being shifty, not introducing you to his friends, then being too jealous now will negatively effect the budding relationship. So you have to take a leap of faith and trust him until you feel otherwise.

You have no guarantees, but that’s love!

My friend is an air hostess for a big airline and she's having an affair with a married pilot. Hate to tell you but she's said she's never come across cabin crew or pilots that are faithful!

@Whatjusthappenedthere is that karma?!

I see where your coming from because some women out there are thirsty - I do think however you are insecure.

OP, if you are so insecure in the honeymoon stages of the relationship, what will you be like when he goes off on a trip after you've had an argument, or when you're going through a rough patch (as every relationship does). I think you need to forget about the relationship and work on your own self confidence. Being needy and insecure is not attractive.

I don't think this bloke is the one for you. You are going to have years of this sleeplessness and worrying. Years!!
You've been dating a few months and you are already extremely anxious that he's going to be shagging left, right and centre and that the poor bloke is going to helpless when so many gold-digging made-up flight attendants are going to be jumping on his cock.

Either you trust him or you don't. Either you can cope with his lifestyle and all that involves or you can't. And by lifestyle, I mean his working hours, being away from home.

Ditch and move on. This worrying and jealously is bad for your health.

LongLong summer. A bit, but it’s hard to enjoy it when it affected so many other people, including our children But I did manage a small smirk. That’s all.

@summervibes maybe that's the kind of people she hangs around with - she's obviously the sort who will happily get with a married man.

To say the whole industry is like that is ridiculous. People have affairs, whether they are bin men or surgeons.

I worked in a job with lots of overseas travel and a good percentage were shagging.

But barely any of them actually left their partners.

Agree for airline staff it's different with the quick turnarounds. But don't trust business consultants

I am cabin crew and I honestly hand on heart say that I would never ever date the flight crew!! I know that you can't tar everyone with the same brush, but I have to say that they are some of the sleaziest men I have met in my life. I have seen it too many times, they have a wedding ring on during the flight but it somehow isn't there when we go out for drinks.

In my experience it is the pilots targeting the girls, I really hate how it's the girls that are always blamed!! I won't deny that some of the girls don't care if they are married, but in my experience most are not like that. I have worked with too many girls now who have been devastated to find out that the pilot they were going out with is married with 2 kids or she is one of several other cabin crew he was sleeping with.

Like I said not all of them are like that, but too many of them are for me to ever trust them.

I love posts like this - it’s always fascinating to see how MN think pilots behave. As a pilot for a big airline for over 20 years I don’t recognise it.

If a bloke is going to shag around, he will, regardless of his job. Merely being a pilot does not automatically make someone the serial shagger MN thinks they are.

As other people have pointed out, we are away to do a job, and are proud of our professional conduct. I’ve had some amazing trips away with work, but for the most part it really is just another day at the office. Pilots don’t chase the cabin crew, and cabin crew don’t chase the pilots. Sometimes people do meet their partner at work, and this is not something that is unique to aviation. I’ve flown with pilots who are married to other pilots, cabin crew who are married to other cabin crew, and pilots who are married to cabin crew. I HAVEN’T seen the kind of drunken orgies that the public like to imagine happens.

It’s quite normal for partners to go on trips with their flying OHs. There’s even a name for it, Klingons, and the protocol is that you always do your best to look after Klingons. I’ve taken my husband away on trips, just us, and left the kids at home with my mum. I’ve also taken the whole family away, although it’s more difficult to get a trip that you can take a partner and 2 kids on. The place I’m in atm is a regular place for crew to bring DPs. I’m fairly sure that if aviation was a hotbed of infidelity and casual sex I wouldn’t end up knowing so many captains’ wives as a result of meeting them on trips over the years.

Sometimes people have affairs and get divorced. This is what happens in the real world, not just aviation. It is just that in aviation, partners are always quick to point out the opportunities for affairs to take place because the crew member is away from home.

Hate to tell you but she's said she's never come across cabin crew or pilots that are faithful!

Cheaters always, always think everybody else is at it. It's their principal self-justification.

My friend has been cabin crew for 20 years and she says she has met very few pilots who aren't cheating on their wives/partners. Not necessarily with the cabin crew though.

Admittedly some of the airline staff do look immaculately dressed, with perfect make up, & great hair. I’m always jealous of their buns, hair bun that is not any other bun. However, if you look a little closer this is not so. Many wear so much make up to hide their bad skin, hair may be up as it’s a greasy mess, creased clothes ... Never mind that, some of them are right bitches! But then they have a lot to put up with. Airline staff are not that different from anyone else, I think you’re just seeing the glamourous job thing & getting carried away with it all.

Look, I could target Prince Harry - I hear he's reasonably well off, and he's easy on the eye - but unless he's willing to cheat, it will never be. Your boyfriend will be the one to blame if he strays. His cock, his decision. Come on now.