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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He turned up drunk. First date.

164 replies

Bt100200 · 29/09/2019 15:04

Hi everyone

Have formed a close online friendship with someone over these last few months and we decided it was now time to meet for a first date.

Both very excited. Chose an area that required a fair bit of travel for him (5 hours on the train).

I get there and....he is absolutely wasted. Drunk. LOUD. Embarassing. He said he was nervous about meeting me and had some dutch courage on the way down...however, hadn't just stopped at one or two.

He was staggering drunk.

I am so upset with this. After the build up over the months...our first date....and he could barely stand.

I am so.....let down and disappointed by this. Or am I being completely unfair?

I was looking forward to spending some meaningful time with him....how on earth can that be done when he can't put two words together? It was honestly the most sh*te date I have ever had.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 29/09/2019 15:08

So. Will you be seeing him again?

Pinkdoor · 29/09/2019 15:08

So don't see him again. Easy.

As a side note, FIVE HOURS by train. Crazy

WombatStewForTea · 29/09/2019 15:08

Well it wasn't really going to be sustainable long term if there's at least a five hour gap was it?

How did he respond afterwards? Was he apologetic?

BlueJava · 29/09/2019 15:09

Lucky escape I'd say - you saw his true colours in a few minutes. Move on!

Pinkdoor · 29/09/2019 15:10

I think a lesson here is also not to have a 'build up' over 'months' prior to meeting. Which is why you shouldn't waste time on someone who lives so far away

messolini9 · 29/09/2019 15:11

Or am I being completely unfair?

Nope.

Presumably, you would also have had some nerves prior to the first date. Did you decide it was a good idea to soothe them by getting ratarsed? No.

Move on. He's made his decision, & it's shown you all you need know.
Anyone can seem nice, interesting, reasonable etc online. If he could not make this first, in-person meeting without letting himself (& you ) down so badly, what's the point?

TheHumanSatsuma · 29/09/2019 15:12

No!
Don’t go any further into this relationship!

yellowallpaper · 29/09/2019 15:13

Block him. If he is so unaware of the effect drink has on him, he's pretty much a loser.

Maseandmum · 29/09/2019 15:13

No! Don’t see him again

ChilledBee · 29/09/2019 15:15

Something like this happened to me when I was younger. I just had a "lightweight" day and downed 2 doubles before a date and was unusually and embarrassingly drunk. I had fancied the guy for ages and thought he was out of my league. Sort of turns out he was because he's married to a guy now...

Ponoka7 · 29/09/2019 15:16

Don't ignore that red flag.

As said, is there any point to a five hour distance , unless it's just a sex hook up?

Inebriati · 29/09/2019 15:20

You stayed for the date? Good grief why didn't you just walk out?

Scarydinosaurs · 29/09/2019 15:21
  1. You can misjudge alcohol/have unexpected reactions. I’ve had two drinks and felt fine, and then another day had two drinks and felt smashed.
  1. Five hour journey?? This is mad.
  1. Months of build up= disappointment. Meet in the first two weeks or don’t bother.
IHaveBrilloHair · 29/09/2019 15:23

If you even have to ask you shouldn't be dating.

CustardySergeant · 29/09/2019 15:28

Just be thankful you found out sooner rather than later. Don't waste any more time or thought on him. What an idiot (him not you).

BumbleBeee69 · 29/09/2019 15:30

If you want to live your future years living this very same scene, then carry on .. but if you respect yourself, you'll walk away. Flowers

MarianaMoatedGrange · 29/09/2019 15:32

Good grief. All the build up and romantic dreams to end up with a drunk. Don't invest months in someone before meeting them OP.

Smelborp · 29/09/2019 15:33

How did you end the date? You’re not unreasonable to be disappointed and this would be it for me. You can’t get to know someone truly well online, I’d try and bring the first meeting forward next time.

WickedLemon · 29/09/2019 15:35

When was the date? Has he been in touch since?

Even without him being shitfaced
on your first date, a 5 hour distance is probably not going to work.

You also waited far too long to meet up.

SherbetSaucer · 29/09/2019 15:35

I’d have been furious!! Did you actually stay for the duration of the date because I’d have walked out! I wouldn’t necessarily call it a day at this point as he did travel 5 hours (which is insane) and nerves may have got the better of him but I’d expect some serious attempts at making amends!!

Original poster
Bt100200 · 29/09/2019 15:38

Thanks everyone xx good to know I'm not completely overreacting.

I did speak with him this morning...he said he had absolutely no idea just how drunk he was until I was stood in front of him, obvs stone cold sober, bsolutely gutted and saying, "omg...you're drunk". He said he didnt realise how smashed he was...but he couldn't stand, was slurring his words....staggering....and he absolutelt stank of booze.

It wasn't just that.

Rude and loud when we went out to eat and we were sat next to kids who heard him swear (he shouted it). I was embarassed and told him to keep it down twice.

Rude and slightly abnoxious to bar staff.

The whole time we were together....he was drunk.

At the end of it all, I said...well I will go and get my train...should I just leave you sat in this bar getting p*ssed? He said YES and so I just took myself off lol.

I can't believe this has happened. I've been lucky so far on dates...never really had an unpleasant one.

He is deadly quiet now....I think he is thinking...oh boy....she was gutted and I have ruined everything. He said this morning...that he thought....I've blown it with her and that he just wanted to go home with his tail between his legs after messing up so royal. He also said everything I said to him about how out of order it was, was correct.

Anyway...thank you so much again for your advice and views. Lessons learned! Why on earth he thought that was a good idea....I have no clue xx sadly our careers prevented us from meeting sooner...otherwise i would have met him a lot sooner!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bt100200 · 29/09/2019 15:39

Ps we travel with our work. Distance isn't an issue. He was off shore for two months so couldnt meet. But even if it was an issue...no need to worry about that now!! Xx

OP posts:
TheMustressMhor · 29/09/2019 15:39

I suppose you could give him one more chance - but tell him that if he turns up drunk again you will walk out.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 29/09/2019 15:40

First date = last date.

He's a twat!

TheMustressMhor · 29/09/2019 15:41

Why do you keep ending your posts with xx?