He turned up drunk. First date.

[Bt100200]

Hi everyone

Have formed a close online friendship with someone over these last few months and we decided it was now time to meet for a first date.

Both very excited. Chose an area that required a fair bit of travel for him (5 hours on the train).

I get there and....he is absolutely wasted. Drunk. LOUD. Embarassing. He said he was nervous about meeting me and had some dutch courage on the way down...however, hadn't just stopped at one or two.

He was staggering drunk.

I am so upset with this. After the build up over the months...our first date....and he could barely stand.

I am so.....let down and disappointed by this. Or am I being completely unfair?

I was looking forward to spending some meaningful time with him....how on earth can that be done when he can't put two words together? It was honestly the most sh*te date I have ever had.

Also I've been on several dates where I've been not drinking (due to meds) but the man has downed pint after pint.. for Dutch courage? Or what??

OP I think the fact that your date turned up drunk indicates confidence problems which are masked by drinking.. & he's clearly not a pleasant drunk. At least you learnt this on the first date. Shame you waited so long to meet him though.

You know what - you went and you met him and it didn't work out. It might not have for a myriad of reasons. You can happily move on now because it sure as hell isnt you you it's him!!! 😂

Someone who "doesn't realise how drunk they are" when they are at the stage that they can barely stand is someone with an unhealthy relationship with drink. It wasn't going to get better from there.

Where did he sleep?
When you spoke the next morning was it on the phone or in person?

I hope he has the worst hangover of his life and he got pickpocketed on train home

@Elodie2019 I’d imagine on the phone given she left him in a bad and went to get her train

*left him in a bar. Bloody phone

Perhaps those pretending not to realise the OP is adding kisses to her post could wind their heads in. It’s so boring. Any chance to feel superior, eh.

It’s like another thread I read where the OP hadn’t heard of Take Five. Or one of the many others where an OP has been accused of being a troll because they don’t use the same turns of phrase/job titles/place names etc of others.

I once had someone ask “What the fuck’s a health nurse?!” when I was posting about a delicate topic as a way to have a go. Guess what, people. Not ALL of us live in the UK. Not ALL of us read trashy magazines. Not ALL of us end our sentences with a full stop. Not ALL of us have immaculate English (or feel the need to use it in online forums). Some people (shock horror) May even speak ESL.

Get over yourselves.

And to the OP.

Sounds like you’ve decided not to be in contact with this knobrot again. Good for you. My DH was sober when I met him and it took years until we moved in and I realised he had a problem with the drink. He quit for the relationship but not drunks all would, and I went through a world of pain that won’t be undone to get there. No guarantee he won’t start again either.

Keep your bar high. You deserve much, much better.

What happened next? Was he staying in a hotel?

It sounds like you've already made the decision to make that the last date, and I applaud you.

If you hesitate about it, please consider this. If you or anyone else were interviewing him for a job, and vetting him to see if he would be a good fit with the current staff, would anyone ever give him a second interview?

Why would the position of being your partner, who you'll spend your leisure time with, ever be worth less care than the vetting of potential work colleagues?

I'm fairly tempted to get staggeringly drunk now to numb the annoyance of all the xx-ing, sad fucker that I am.

No need for all the kisses OP. A full stop will do fine hun.

Piss off @NumbersStation

No.

xx

Or should that be noxx

@WeatherSchmeather

Funny you saying someone said to you 'what the fuck is a health nurse?' My friend was on another forum the other day, and was asking about something to do with asthma, and she mentioned the Asthma Nurse.

Someone came onto the thread and basically accused her of lying about having asthma, because there was no such thing as an Asthma Nurse.

Some people are just terminally stupid.

I'm really sad for those people who have to come on here to validate their imagined superiority by being nasty to those who express themselves differently to them. They must have imposed a very uptight and restrictive world upon themselves.

Love and light to all xx

Agree with @Senseofself1 so what if someone expresses themselves differently

CRINGE at all the posters pretending they don’t know what xx means

CRINGE at all the posters pretending they don’t know what xx means

Totally

Don’t be sad for me.

I responded the way I did because I object to people being called sad fuckers or being told to piss off simply because they expressed an opinion.

I frequently sign off with xx on texts to my loved ones. I don’t put kisses on every post. Although I did take the op’s post with the profusion of kisses funny as I assumed she was being sarcastic. As I was when I said I was going to get drunk. 😊

I’m not feeling superior. I do find it all a little odd though.

Love and light to you back.

And Op fwiw, if someone turned up staggeringly drunk on a first date, I don’t think I’d see them again. To get in a state like that doesn’t create the best impression and for me, I would think it quite disrespectful.

The clincher for me would be the swearing loudly on public and being rude to folk serving me. That is out of order and would show me the measure of someone.

@littlehappyhippo I know, right. Shame how pathetic some people can be. What a sad little bubble they must live in.

I think it's up to you if you give him another chance or not. But all these people saying a 5 hour trip is ridiculous are being daft. My now dh lived in another country when I met him, more than 5 hours away.

Well, that's the real him. It's not a one off due to nerves. No one who knows how to stop, whose wishes to make a good impression override drinking themselves into oblivion, who has any boundaries or respect would get BLIND DRUNK on a first meeting. What a tragedy. What a blessing in disguise.

Two cheesy quotes spring to mind;

"What you permit you promote"

and,

"Act like a dog; kick some dirt over that shit and move on"!

Which it sounds like you're doing the latter and good for you!

I can understand why you stayed. Female socialisation is a powerful thing. I had a date earlier this year where I knew with the first few seconds I wanted to leave. What I actually did was get through one round of drinks and feel guilty that he had bought them and bought another round myself.

Funnily enough he'd been drinking beforehand to take the edge off his nerves, too

I kicked myself all the way home for not leaving after 30 minutes.