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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He turned up drunk. First date.

164 replies

Bt100200 · 29/09/2019 15:04

Hi everyone

Have formed a close online friendship with someone over these last few months and we decided it was now time to meet for a first date.

Both very excited. Chose an area that required a fair bit of travel for him (5 hours on the train).

I get there and....he is absolutely wasted. Drunk. LOUD. Embarassing. He said he was nervous about meeting me and had some dutch courage on the way down...however, hadn't just stopped at one or two.

He was staggering drunk.

I am so upset with this. After the build up over the months...our first date....and he could barely stand.

I am so.....let down and disappointed by this. Or am I being completely unfair?

I was looking forward to spending some meaningful time with him....how on earth can that be done when he can't put two words together? It was honestly the most sh*te date I have ever had.

OP posts:
MaeveDidIt · 29/09/2019 16:57

This bloke has got far more serious deep-rooted alcohol issues than you realise.

I'd keep well away if I was you.

Sexnotgender · 29/09/2019 16:58

On a first date you’re supposed to be on your best behaviour. I’d hate to see what he was like once he let his guard down.

And the real dealbreaker for me would be him being rude to staff. Absolute no no.

INeedAFlerken · 29/09/2019 17:05

You're not overreacting.

He clearly has a problem. Be glad, frankly, he showed you who he was on Date 1 ... I'd have walked immediately if confronted with that!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 29/09/2019 17:08

TBH - it's all well and fine him saying "I didn't know how drunk I was" - he's obviously had more than a couple of drinks. I think that to get ratted like this when he was going to meet someone - especially for the first time - suggests has a drink problem

SchadenfreudePersonified · 29/09/2019 17:10

Sorry - I see I'm repeating other people. I didn't realise there were further pages to the thread. Apologies.

Senseofself1 · 29/09/2019 17:15

Stop being so stuck up about the xx! You sad fuckers.

TheDarkPassenger · 29/09/2019 17:16

@katalavenete

Oh I totally agree it’s weird here but someone actually asked ‘what are those xxs at the end of your messages’

Unless they were just being ridiculous

VenusTiger · 29/09/2019 17:33

@Senseofself1 totally agree! We’re turning hard and cold as a species. So bloody sad.

Nomorepies · 29/09/2019 17:39

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

LuckyLou7 · 29/09/2019 17:40

I agree with pp that this man almost certainly has an alcohol problem. No second chances for me, and I wouldn't have stayed for the date either. I think you were lucky enough to see his true colours right from the start and there's no need to waste any more time on this twat.

PS: ignore all the snide remarks about ending your posts with xx, it's hardly important in the grand scheme of things.

namechangetheworld · 29/09/2019 17:40

Can all of the arseholes please dial back their faux confusion over the kisses now please. You've made your pathetic point.

OP, I was going to suggest that you give him another chance until you mentioned the rudeness to the waiting staff - that would put me right off.

Nomorepies · 29/09/2019 17:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request.

ruralcat · 29/09/2019 17:42

I think he's done you a favour tbh, shown his true colours before you got too invested in him. If he's like this on a first date imagine what he's like when he gets comfortable with you. If he has a drink at home will he become rude towards you and could you ever relax when he went out knowing the state he gets into

meccacos2 · 29/09/2019 17:48

I wouldn’t have even stayed with him for the date if I rocked up and he was that drunk.

littlehappyhippo · 29/09/2019 17:48

Block him, and move on.

I am sorry for you. Better luck next time. Smile

Patroclus · 29/09/2019 19:34

OH MY LORD, a potentially working class person has found their way in.

Put on ITV and run

autumndreaming · 29/09/2019 19:43

Jesus what a bunch of snobs!! Way to make someone feel welcome Shock

onemorerose · 29/09/2019 19:47

Turning up absolutely blathered is not Dutch courage. It’s a not knowing when to stop problem. It’s good for you that he couldn’t keep up a normal facade for one date. Onwards and upwards OP

PechaKucha · 29/09/2019 19:56

The xxs on that last message were sarcastic, right?

icelollycraving · 29/09/2019 20:06

Some forums love all the xx on posts, no need to do it here. We are a bit more matter of fact.
No need for people to be twatty about it.

makingmammaries · 29/09/2019 20:46

OP, please dump him. I tried to ‘rescue’ an alcoholic many years back and my own mental health suffered badly in the process. Cut your losses while you don’t have too much invested.

Icecreamsoda99 · 29/09/2019 20:53

Months of build up= disappointment. Meet in the first two weeks or don’t bother. best advice, I'd say even sooner if poss, otherwise you get carried away with your idea of the person and the reality can be a big let down! Better luck next time OP Smile

Stop being so stuck up about the xx! You sad fuckers. Grin

Alabasterangel6 · 29/09/2019 20:53

I remember on ‘first dates’ (guilty pleasure) a series or so ago some knob turned up to a date with a very lovely woman but he’d come with his mates (or maybe been to football first?) and was wasted. Utterly wasted. She tolerated the date but told her mate/Mum on the phone in the loo that she thought he was a waste of space.

I seem to recall she told him this and came on another date a week later with someone far more sober!

Think you should move on....

Lobsterquadrille2 · 29/09/2019 20:59

I'm afraid that this kind of "share" is heard too often in AA meetings ... a couple of drinks, fine - but that level of intoxication at such an inappropriate time does indicate dependency.

tierraJ · 29/09/2019 21:01

This has happened to me.. On one first date I met the man in a bar & he was obviously high (he'd taken mdma it turned out). I felt hurt actually - which was a daft reaction because it was his problem not mine.

On another first date I met the date at his house & he 'had to pop out before our date' so I waited... while he bought some weed from his dealer as it turned out...