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AIBU?

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Original poster

He turned up drunk. First date.

164 replies

Bt100200 · 29/09/2019 15:04

Hi everyone

Have formed a close online friendship with someone over these last few months and we decided it was now time to meet for a first date.

Both very excited. Chose an area that required a fair bit of travel for him (5 hours on the train).

I get there and....he is absolutely wasted. Drunk. LOUD. Embarassing. He said he was nervous about meeting me and had some dutch courage on the way down...however, hadn't just stopped at one or two.

He was staggering drunk.

I am so upset with this. After the build up over the months...our first date....and he could barely stand.

I am so.....let down and disappointed by this. Or am I being completely unfair?

I was looking forward to spending some meaningful time with him....how on earth can that be done when he can't put two words together? It was honestly the most sh*te date I have ever had.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 30/09/2019 14:45

This would be an immediate deal breaker for me. It's one thing to be a bit tiddly and immediately go on soft drinks, and try to rescue it. But to be off your tits takes dedication. That's who he is. And he's a loud obnoxious drunk with it.

I'd not see him again.

Stfrancescof · 30/09/2019 19:56

Block delete but surely? The guys a raging alcoholic.

Bluntness100 · 30/09/2019 20:32

Being drunk one night doesn't make someone an alcoholic, behave .🤣

BoomBoomsCousin · 30/09/2019 20:35

Being drunk one night doesn’t make you an alcoholic. But being unable to control your alcohol intake for an important event and being unable to stop drinking when you should is a strong indicator.

WeNeedABudget · 30/09/2019 20:37

Sounds like a guy I chatted to online once. If his name is David and he’s from Scotland and works offshore it might be him Grin

ForalltheSaints · 30/09/2019 20:45

The title should have been Only Date.

Raspberrytruffle · 30/09/2019 21:18

Dear god run and dont look back, this is your future. I'd be going to the ladys to adjust my face and make a swift exit Flowers

Bluntness100 · 30/09/2019 21:57

But being unable to control your alcohol intake for an important event and being unable to stop drinking when you should is a strong indicator

I'd disagree. In my experience alcoholics can hide it very well indeed when they choose to.

C0untDucku1a · 30/09/2019 22:07

Just ask of this is the kind of life you want op? If not, move on.

OkayGo · 30/09/2019 22:16

God i would run like the wind. Lucky escape!

fargo123 · 01/10/2019 00:06

I would've left the moment I realised he was drunk.

Delete and block him and move on to someone better.

BoomBoomsCousin · 01/10/2019 06:36

Bluntness Many alcoholics are good at hiding a lot of the time, but they do tend to mess up in the end in ways that people who aren't alcoholic just don't. It's not that all alcoholics would make the mistake this guy did, it's that of those people that make this mistake, most will be alcoholic or, at least, have a problem with alcohol.

The OP describes someone who wasn't just a bit more drunk than he should have been - he was steaming when he should have been, basically, sober at a time he should have wanted to make an impression. And then, after supposedly realising he was drunker than he expected and he should be, he kept drinking. That isn't the sort of thing the vast majority people would do if they weren't in the thrall of addiction.

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 01/10/2019 08:03

An alcoholic might hide drunk, or hide the extent of their drinking. But they can't hide being drunk. Alcohol has an affect. That affect is obvious to people who aren't drunk. Someone who gets absolutely shitfaced (for 'Dutch courage') is almost certainly someone with an unhealthy relationship with alcohol.

And one person's "unhealthy relationship with alcohol" is another person's "alcoholic".

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 01/10/2019 08:09

Alcoholics tend to be the last ones to realise they have a problem. It is obvious to the people around them (no matter how good they think they are hiding it) long before the alcoholic admits there's an issue.

So in MY experience, alcoholics aren't that good at hiding it. They just delude themselves that's there's not a problem. It's called denial. If they were very good at hiding it, then you wouldn't know there was a problem... Because they would be hiding it.

I'm not an alcoholic....
Or maybe I am, but nobody knows because I'm so good at hiding it?

Family, friends, work colleagues anyone who spends any amount of time in the company of someone who drinks too much, know they drink too much.

myusernamewastakenbyme · 01/10/2019 08:40

I'd have been fuming...I cant stand being around drunks...I find them unpredictable and embarrassing...i'd have been on the first train home...do not give him a second chance.

Bluntness100 · 01/10/2019 11:15

I'm sorry but I disagree, the fact he was wankered one night, possibly through nerves of not use to drink does not mean this man is an alcoholic. He may be but there is certainly not enough evidence here to make that leap.

ChickenyChick · 01/10/2019 11:27

I would have stayed and felt awful

Only later would I wish I’d just left

Zaphodsotherhead · 01/10/2019 11:36

I don't know about him being an alcoholic, but he certainly has problems with knowing when is a good time to stop (which would never bode well for other areas of your relationship).

As to the 'xx's, I often use Facebook Messenger on my laptop to chat to family, and end every message with xx. Sometimes I forget where I am...

Newbie1981 · 01/10/2019 11:41

I have done this before. We are married now. I had been out all day and planned to stay as sober as possible but sometimes you tip over the edge with the same amount that sometimes you hardly feel. I was an awful embarrassment and can't believe he didn't dump me. But here we are, happy as hell!

Original poster
Bt100200 · 02/10/2019 16:49

Hi All
These posts made me smile :-) xx

Thanks so much for helping me xx

You know what I thought today as well...when I was in the bar...gutted because he was drunk...like fighting back the tears and I was telling him this....he was even guzzling down a drink at the same time. Like....STILL drinking! Even when I was telling him....you are drunk and I'm gutted....he couldn't even stop then! All the while him shouting at max volume - I AM NOT DRUNK!!!!! THIS IS JUST ME!!!!!!

Then came the old....if I was drunk I wouldn't be able to.....sigh. I was so....anxious and embarassed. It was horrible :( he made the lady jump from shouting :( x

It's really hurt me to be honest....I obviously meant nothing to him.

.......and I'm old enough to have known better. I should have considered this could happen.

What annoyed me is...he text me to say....don't worry, I won't tell any of our mutual online friends about this.

I felt like saying.....about what? I haven't done a thing wrong! What do I have to worry about when I never put a foot out of place and you were the one who spent the entire day and night off your head?

He hasn't even apologised. Not once. He is completely oblivious to what he has done.

Please please take care online, ladies. Ive been severley burned here xxxxx

Also...facially, he looked very different to his photos.......xx

Take care out there haha!
Huge thanks again xx

😱 XX

OP posts:
tierraJ · 02/10/2019 19:41

Glad you are feeling happier. He sounded like a right nightmare.

It's sooo difficult meeting up with a guy who you know online but who lives a long distance away because you can't just have a quick coffee then cut & run as you would with a closer distance online date.
It's so horrible that he didn't even seem to consider your feelings but you are lucky you found out straight away that he's a loser - some men hide their true colours very well!
Men like that are the reason I'm so wary of meeting men online x

KatherineJaneway · 07/10/2019 20:36

Sorry this happened to you Flowers Onwards and upwards

HasThisSoddingNameGoneToo · 07/10/2019 20:39

Sounds like he sabotaged himself.

NoDontLookAtMeImShy · 07/10/2019 20:50

Jesus fucking wept what had this place become.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Ohyesiam · 07/10/2019 21:02

How could it be unfair that you are disappointed? You are disappointed, that’s the beginning and the end of it.
It would be odd ( and self destructive) of you to decide that you should accept anything anyone wants to throw at you.
If you don’t like it and it doesn’t suit you, that’s the way it is.

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