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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He turned up drunk. First date.

164 replies

Bt100200 · 29/09/2019 15:04

Hi everyone

Have formed a close online friendship with someone over these last few months and we decided it was now time to meet for a first date.

Both very excited. Chose an area that required a fair bit of travel for him (5 hours on the train).

I get there and....he is absolutely wasted. Drunk. LOUD. Embarassing. He said he was nervous about meeting me and had some dutch courage on the way down...however, hadn't just stopped at one or two.

He was staggering drunk.

I am so upset with this. After the build up over the months...our first date....and he could barely stand.

I am so.....let down and disappointed by this. Or am I being completely unfair?

I was looking forward to spending some meaningful time with him....how on earth can that be done when he can't put two words together? It was honestly the most sh*te date I have ever had.

OP posts:
katalavenete · 29/09/2019 16:17

How poor does your self esteem have to be to even contemplate giving such a person a second chance?

HobbyIsCodeForDogging · 29/09/2019 16:18

Also wondering what all the xx are for in your posts. I thought xx was meant to be kisses, I write them on birthday cards, surely you're not ending every sentence on an online forum with kisses?

Absolutely don't see him again or even bother with any more contact. I can't believe you even went for dinner with him.

Moondancer73 · 29/09/2019 16:19

Why on earth would you even consider seeing him again when he turned up in that state?

Durgasarrow · 29/09/2019 16:21

That first date was very valuable information,.

Mysterian · 29/09/2019 16:23

I would have considered a second chance for somebody turning up drunk. Nerves, went too far, suitably embarrassed etc, but "Rude and slightly obnoxious to bar staff" means a no from me.

OMGshefoundmeout · 29/09/2019 16:27

This is very sad. You must have felt so let down. I hope the next person you meet is less disappointing.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/09/2019 16:29

OP, what do the "xx" and "Xx" in your posts mean?

Netsmums has had some issues so people have some over from there. Lots of xx-ing there which is their convention. It's not a MN thing and I'm sure our new neighbours will get used to the culture here in time.

percheron67 · 29/09/2019 16:30

Would I had taken notice of the warning signals. My late husband turned up at my house drunk for our third date. I left him asleep on the sofa and went up to bed. We married about a year later (more fool me) and a had a shortish unhappy marriage until he died of drink related cancer. Please take care.

AllFourOfThem · 29/09/2019 16:33

I don’t understand why you stayed, let alone went out for a meal and allowed him to embarrass you further. I agree that I think he has a drink problem.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 29/09/2019 16:33

We live and learn OP...at least you have experienced it and will not have the what ifs and but 's ..you can put it down to experience and move on.Hope your next date is more err well sober would be a good start!!!! You know what they say also...you have to kiss a few frogs before you find a prince.? Bet yours is waiting for you somewhere. you just gotta find him! ..best wishes sent on your future and your lucky escape!

TheDarkPassenger · 29/09/2019 16:35

Why’s everyone bing weird about the ‘xx’ do you seriously not have a friend or family member who puts these on your texts?

Strange

darkcloudsandrainstorms · 29/09/2019 16:37

Rude and slightly obnoxious to bar staff

That’s the killer. Dump it.

Nicolastuffedone · 29/09/2019 16:40

Why did you carry on with the date?? I honestly can’t understand why you didn’t turn on your heel and walk away!! I am truly baffled by that. And do you honestly imagine your being unfair?? I can’t get my head around this at all!

bmbonanza · 29/09/2019 16:42

First date = last date and last contact - sorry but total lack of respect!

Hopoindown31 · 29/09/2019 16:42

It shows he has a lack of impulse control which is a red flag. I wouldn't be bothering.

BatshitBertha · 29/09/2019 16:43

Agree with PP, total lack of respect...and probably a drinking problem as well. I'd be telling him I'm not interested, goodbye and then block him on everything. Twat.

katalavenete · 29/09/2019 16:44

Why’s everyone bing weird about the ‘xx’ do you seriously not have a friend or family member who puts these on your texts?

This isn't a family whatsapp group. Strange is sending kisses to random strangers online at the end of every banal sentence.

GiveMeHope103 · 29/09/2019 16:44

More fool you for staying that long. seriously what's wrong with you for not just getting up and leaving?

Topseyt · 29/09/2019 16:44

Please stop with the xx! It is cringey. Good intentions, I am sure, but you don't need to kiss us. Confused Grin

Sn0tnose · 29/09/2019 16:46

Why’s everyone bing weird about the ‘xx’ do you seriously not have a friend or family member who puts these on your texts?. I would imagine that most of us have friends and family members that do this. But that’s the point; they are friends and family members, not anonymous posters on an Internet forum.

OP, the distance wouldn’t have put me off (Welsh husband who was living there when we met) but as a pp said, it sounds like slightly more serious alcohol issues than just calming his nerves. Have you told him you’re not going to see him again?

WhereYouLeftIt · 29/09/2019 16:47

Urgh. Put it behind you and don't waste any more headspace on this bloke. Definitely do not consider a second date with him (terrible advice!).

DPotter · 29/09/2019 16:49

First date , last date from me. Sorry you're so disappointed

Wizzbangpop · 29/09/2019 16:52

Yeah dont see him again. And leave this as an anecdote when people MN threads ask for retellings of bad first dates

Sashkin · 29/09/2019 16:56

Why did you carry on with the date?? I honestly can’t understand why you didn’t turn on your heel and walk away!! I am truly baffled by that

Maybe she was hungry! Or didn't just want to turn around and get straight back on the train with an Upper Crust baguette after getting dolled up for a date. Or didn't want a drunken staggering man pitching a fit because she was cancelling their date. Or didn't realise quite how drunk he was until they sat down. Or has been taught that it is rude to react to embarrassing behaviour from those around you, and you should carry on as if you haven't noticed it instead. Lots of possible reasons, none of which reflect badly on her.

But yes, definitely no second date.

IamAporcupine · 29/09/2019 16:57

I had an ex who did this to me....twice.
No fucking clue why I stayed with him