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Original poster

The most laughable thing your ex ever said to you?

505 replies

NOFUCKINGNOPE · 22/09/2019 18:34

Was driving along before and started whistling to a son on the radio and it made me laugh.

My ex was an emotionally abusive piece of shit but one comment always stuck with me because of how utterly stupid it was.

I wasn't allowed to whistle. Because... Whistling was 'manly' and he didn't like me 'acting like a bloke'.

It was to the point where I would apologise if I ever caught myself whistling and he'd be glaring at me.

There are many many other stupid, illogical, disturbed things he used to say and comment on but this one gave me a chuckle today and I whistled extra loud to the radio Grin

OP posts:
StrongerThanIThought76 · 22/09/2019 19:29

"The kids will grow up to know I do all I can for them".

He does pay maintenance - after denying a massive pay rise over 6 years until the CMS got involved - but he sees the kids only a couple of times a year. Their counselling sessions are really helping them come to terms with "how much he does for them". Twat.

Geog1985 · 22/09/2019 19:33

Two from my exes...

After eating at a Tapas restaurant that I thought was rubbish and overpriced (£100 a head without food) ‘your opinion doesn’t count because you’re vegetarian’.

That was the proverbial straw...

PorpentinaScamander · 22/09/2019 19:33

DCs dad - that I'm not a proper mum because I don't always cook a sunday roast. ( he hasn't paid maintenance in 6 years and dc1 has gone nc with him)

Ex DP - that i was delusional if I thought I knew my DC better than anyone else in tie world because I'd never been a pre-teen boy. Apparently he knew more about them than I did because he was a man. He hadn't even met them Hmm

Geog1985 · 22/09/2019 19:33

£100 a head without drink (sorry!)

raffle · 22/09/2019 19:34

vampirethriller I can just see that sneaky bastard Lionel nicking your ex’s notebook. It’s definitely the sort of thing he’d do. Grin

ghostyslovesheets · 22/09/2019 19:35

I want to come back ...BUT I wont finish with the OW until I know we can work so I'll come back but keep seeing her as back up - yes?

TWAT guess my answer!

borage13 · 22/09/2019 19:36

Me: I'm ending the relationship due to you rinsing me for money and coercive control

Him: what makes you think you get to make that decision?

Me: what

Mammyloveswine · 22/09/2019 19:38

During sex, me on top "you know if you took up running you'd have a cracking body".... erm...

I was in my early 20s and a size 10, around 9.5 stone...

I was HOT!

What a twat!

My husband now tells me in the sexiest thing ever, 2 stone heavier, stretch marked and wobbly!

BlueChangeling · 22/09/2019 19:40

Ohh another one from same ex

"I didn't get pregnant, I pulled out just in time"

shas19 · 22/09/2019 19:40

Would you go into a shoe shop and buy a pair of shoes you're never gona wear..no well that's how I feel about having a baby. Dont wana do it'. About our 4 year old son. Cunt

Redshoesandtheblues · 22/09/2019 19:40

You'll never get anyone as good as me.

Bless.. Wink

recklessruby · 22/09/2019 19:41

"I ll give you £20 a week for dd". (1997). Not seen a penny.
When i was taking my female and male cat to be neutered...."why are you doing that? They wont mate, theyre brother and sister ". Still laugh at that one Grin

chocolatebuttonsandcheese · 22/09/2019 19:42

You're a size ten and that's fat for a girl

Queenoftheashes · 22/09/2019 19:46

“You never let me see my friends”, when I suggested going to meet my friends after spending the bulk of the night in the pub with his, who had by then all gone home

Sleepyhead19 · 22/09/2019 19:50

Another just this evening after finding out a friend had split up with a horrible bf... ‘ see, I wasn’t bad. You did alright with me’. Me, ‘yeah except we split up because you were sleeping with someone else and I saw the photographic proof’.
He stomped off.

TheMustressMhor · 22/09/2019 19:50

"Your divorce lawyer is a shyster. I just thought I'd warn you."

(Said when we were getting divorced and he didn't like the "demands" my lawyer was making on him.)

Dhalandchips · 22/09/2019 19:52

"How DARE you leave ME" hahaha ha ooh stop, it hurts!

Ineedaweeinpeace · 22/09/2019 19:53

At 38 weeks pregnant and about to pop still working full time... SOMETIMES TIREDNESS IS A STATE OF MIND.

gostiwooz · 22/09/2019 19:54

My ex asked me how my relationship with X was going. What relationship, I asked. The one with X at work of course - had he left his wife?

Er... what? What relationship? Just...... What???!!!

Turned out that one of the (many) reasons my first marriage broke up was that exDH genuinely believed I was having an affair with my boss. For some reason, he never thought to mention it at the time.

Jammydodger1981 · 22/09/2019 19:54

‘Everyone says/does that (insert whatever I was complaining about to him)’. It was his favourite line whenever I pulled him up on anything. I don’t think he would have actually dared to tell anyone what he was like, not that I gave a shit about what his lowlife mates said anyway, they were mostly divorced and in the local pub every night ( I wonder why!).

Yeah right, everyone brings drugs into the house where toddlers could find it.

Everyone also does nothing around the house and sits around in their pants in the living room 🤮

Everyone also gets tanked during the day and hides the evidence.

Everyone comes home drunk and wakes their wife up at 2am for an argument.

I think not. Happiest I’ve ever been now, and although his fuckwittery still enters my life on a regular basis, I just let it remind me I did the right thing!

Singlebutmarried · 22/09/2019 19:54

You’re not really ill, as I came round from life saving surgery.

Slappadabass · 22/09/2019 19:55

As we was breaking up -
'You will never find someone like me' Errr fingers bloody crossed I dont!
And also, 'no one will ever fuck you like I do' ...He was shite in bed and I'd faked it 99% of the time.
He was a big headed tosser!

Mummymumm · 22/09/2019 19:56

Cheating made me realise how much I cared about you 🤨

Allergictoironing · 22/09/2019 19:57

"Women shouldn't play football & cricket 'cause they are MENs sports". Denied he was being sexist by saying that. 2 hours later phoned to say "I spoke to both X and Y (both men) and they explained how well the international teams are doing, so maybe they should be allowed to play". Couldn't understand why I considered that even MORE sexist.

Shortly after, after I dumped him for that reason and a few others, he calls asking if we can have sex because it was so good between us (it was good, until i lost all respect for him then I couldn't bear him touching me). When i said no I didn't want to, he said "well can't you just do it for me?". That was a no from me then.

A couple of months later, he calls out of the blue. He has a new GF, but they have no-where to have sex due to living arrangement. Can he borrow my house to have sex withhis new GF while I was at work? Shock

Iamclearlyamug · 22/09/2019 19:57

"you'll never find another man like me"

that's the hope demon dick
now off you fuck