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AIBU?

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Original poster

The most laughable thing your ex ever said to you?

505 replies

NOFUCKINGNOPE · 22/09/2019 18:34

Was driving along before and started whistling to a son on the radio and it made me laugh.

My ex was an emotionally abusive piece of shit but one comment always stuck with me because of how utterly stupid it was.

I wasn't allowed to whistle. Because... Whistling was 'manly' and he didn't like me 'acting like a bloke'.

It was to the point where I would apologise if I ever caught myself whistling and he'd be glaring at me.

There are many many other stupid, illogical, disturbed things he used to say and comment on but this one gave me a chuckle today and I whistled extra loud to the radio Grin

OP posts:
Hullabalooo · 22/09/2019 21:06

Mine wouldn't let me hum or sing around the house.

Vinosaurus · 22/09/2019 21:08

During separation: You'll realise what you let go and regret it when I'm gone.

Post separation: if you want another baby that's DD's full genetic sibling I'll be happy to oblige.

Ha ha ha ha

paradyning · 22/09/2019 21:15

'You're too fat to fuck' and that women shouldn't be funded to do further degrees as they just go off and have babies.
A true delight.

fairydustandpixies · 22/09/2019 21:17

@Starlings - fuck only knows! But, his loss was my gain. My sons are my pride and joy, I feel pity for him and his family in that they missed out sharing the lives of two remarkable young men - but that was their choice.

I've always kept my mouth shut about their paternal family, always said I'd support my boys if they want to contact them, that I'd help. They've grown up knowing that.

Two years ago their paternal grandmother popped up out of the blue (her eldest granddaughter had suddenly died aged 17 which must have prompted the contact), I encouraged but didn't force the contact. They met, my sons took her a Christmas present and card, she shut the door on them and they've heard nothing since. Nothing from their father either...!!

PrettyPurse · 22/09/2019 21:20

"You never gave me and "OW" a chance.."... said to me by XH the week after l found out about him and OW.

The DC (older teenagers and very astute) had asked me directly if OW was who they thought it was and l wasn't going to lie so confirmed it...

NitroJenny · 22/09/2019 21:21

His heroic deeds in the SAS...

Got out pretty fast!

Lemonlimesoda · 22/09/2019 21:23

“I’ve changed” Hmm

Butterfly02 · 22/09/2019 21:26

When I asked him to leave because of emotional/ financial abuse ' promise me you'll get some therapy because your not right up there' I said yes I would - but I don't need to because I've got rid of my problem!

LivingDeadGirlUK · 22/09/2019 21:27

Getting a bit of topic but my answer has reminded me that actually he used to ask me questions all the time then refuse to believe the answer I gave. Why the fuck did he keep asking me if he didn't see me as a knowledgeable person? O_o

Inebriati · 22/09/2019 21:27

Mine didn't even say he wanted me to take him back, he said this gem;
''Its been two weeks''.

Grin
maddy68 · 22/09/2019 21:27

I was given a list of my faults. Me and my DH often laugh about my list which I still have. I think they're my greatest assets ;)

Ontheboardwalk · 22/09/2019 21:30

'I'll pay you back when I’m rich and famous' Yeah whatever you sponger

BeverlyGoldberg · 22/09/2019 21:32

@doodlejump1980 ha ha must be! Unlucky us! 😂

ChristmasFluff · 22/09/2019 21:34

"Every woman in [our town] fancies me, except the ones you have turned against me"

There's not a laughing emoji big enough.

delilahbucket · 22/09/2019 21:34

"I was too busy to send you the money to pay for my phone bill." Busy doing what I hear you ask! "Thinking" was the reply. I kid you not.
"You're a rubbish mother because you work full time". It was the only thing he could say against me and he failed to realise that at least one of us had a child to feed and clothe 🙄.

OhTheRoses · 22/09/2019 21:39

He liked his women thin. I was a recovered anorexic. And when I left him, (found him at it with my bf) wrote to me and told me he thought someone more mediocre than him would make me happy!
So instead of an Old Harrovian with 3 O'Levels I married a northern lad who went to the local comp and then Oxbridge. I know where he lives and who he's married to know. Relatively it's rather mediocre and I am fat and happy. >>whispers - and he is nearly 70 and dh is 57 Grin

Strunderthuck · 22/09/2019 21:40

Mine was refusing to tell me the address of his new house "in case you do something to sabotage me moving in"... completely ignoring the fact that I had helped him house hunt in the first place, and that I wanted him to have a decent place for the weekends he had our kids.

Twat.

anyginplease · 22/09/2019 21:43

Oh god so many
My ds knocked a glass bowl over when exp was looking after him at our house. It smashed on the floor but he didn't clean the glass up as he wanted to leave it for me to do when I came home from work.

He accidentally texted me from his other phone and told me that someone in his workplace had a device that could "switch phone numbers"

lippy72 · 22/09/2019 21:50

We are not having sex I promise .... after getting caught lying

percheron67 · 22/09/2019 21:54

Just after I had given birth "Well, that was easy wasn't it!

ThatCurlyGirl · 22/09/2019 21:57

"Wow. I can't believe you hate me so much you've changed your Netflix password."

After a long term relationship during which they cheated more than once, but apparently didn't have a spare £7 a month to get their own Netflix account after we broke up... you've gotta laugh!

Extra points for the incredulous wow with a full stop.

😂

youarenotkiddingme · 22/09/2019 21:59

"I can't have ds over night on Saturday. Because when would I get to go out?"

Try one of the other 29 nights of the month you have have ds for - cockwanker

Tiredmum100 · 22/09/2019 21:59

"If I really loved you, I'd have married you by now". Well thank fuck you didn't then really. Happily married to someone else for the last 8 years with two amazing dc. There is so much more to this but that was the beginning of the end thankfully.

OhTheRoses · 22/09/2019 21:59

TBF my DH looked at me at 5am in the morning when ds was in scbu at less than 5 hours old and told me he was soooo tired. TBF poor sod had to walk 3 miles home because we went to the hospital in a cab and it was Xmas morning so no public transport or cabs

Stompythedinosaur · 22/09/2019 21:59

A couple of months later, he calls out of the blue. He has a new GF, but they have no-where to have sex due to living arrangement. Can he borrow my house to have sex withhis new GF while I was at work?

This is literally the geekiest thing I've ever heard! How did he have the gall?