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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The most laughable thing your ex ever said to you?

505 replies

NOFUCKINGNOPE · 22/09/2019 18:34

Was driving along before and started whistling to a son on the radio and it made me laugh.

My ex was an emotionally abusive piece of shit but one comment always stuck with me because of how utterly stupid it was.

I wasn't allowed to whistle. Because... Whistling was 'manly' and he didn't like me 'acting like a bloke'.

It was to the point where I would apologise if I ever caught myself whistling and he'd be glaring at me.

There are many many other stupid, illogical, disturbed things he used to say and comment on but this one gave me a chuckle today and I whistled extra loud to the radio Grin

OP posts:
Jason118 · 25/09/2019 22:51

Is it in yet? Blush

Alfr · 25/09/2019 22:53

My ex told me (during one of his regular text rants) that I was "technically an illegal immigrant" because my passport had expired.

I was born in Hampstead...

31RueCambon75001 · 25/09/2019 22:54

That i probably felt like a bit of an "also-ran" next to him. 🤷‍♀️🤔😝

Attitude84 · 26/09/2019 04:36

I’ve been out with some complete tossers in my time... some have tried to speak down to me, belittle me and tried it on with my younger sister.... but some of the ladies on here really dealt with some maggots.

Please remember.... those men were all about their tiny egos, self serving twat agendas.

Each and every single one of you is amazing and beautiful and deserve a knighthood or dame good for not putting the vile bastards in a box!!!

Nat6999 · 26/09/2019 04:47

I never raped you, you enjoyed it!

VeryLittleOwl · 26/09/2019 07:05

After I finally told him I wanted a divorce he came out with some crackers:

'You'll never find anyone as good for you as I am.'
'I'm damn well going to take my marital rights while I still have them.'
'You're going to work when I'm in this state? I hope you've hidden all the knives and painkillers well.'
'I'm not letting this divorce go through, you need protecting from yourself.'

14 years on I'm very happily married to someone who is MUCH better for me than he was. ExH died of a heart attack a few weeks ago, in his early 50s, and my brother's only comment was 'Karma, sis.'

MySonIsAlsoNamedBort · 26/09/2019 07:12

An ex once said to me that if he found out I had ever slept with a black man he could no longer sleep with me or have any respect, that didn't make him racist, it was very common for white men to not want to enter a woman a black man had.
I made the mistake of saying Idris Elba was handsome once when we were watching something he was in, he got extremely angry and jealous and went home and didn't talk to me for days 😂😂

He also once purchased me mastic gum (a gum from the resin of a Mediterranean tree) he said people chewed it to improve their jawline so when he heard about it he thought of me because my chin was quite weak. Gee thanks, what a thoughtful wildly insulting gift!

He really is the one that got away!!! Hahahaha.

31RueCambon75001 · 26/09/2019 07:16

Yeh, i look back on my life, and there isnt one who got away. Only a succession of bullets dodged really. Sad the crap i endured.

BusyDoingNothingx · 26/09/2019 07:37

@Nat6999 😱😱
Did you report him?!

flamingjune123 · 26/09/2019 07:56

Ex considered he'd had a LSCS because he'd accompanied me. When midwifes would come into the room to enquire how I was he would start banging on about how he was feeling ( emotionally exhausted, back aching etc). I swear I saw him holding onto his non existent stitches as he walked

snitzelvoncrumb · 26/09/2019 08:05

You can't say no to sex because you have had sex with a previous partner and I haven't, it's not fair.

If he tripped over and hurt himself, he had to hurt me in the same place.

GabsAlot · 26/09/2019 09:51

Its not my ex but a family member

He said he couldnt afford to visit his son becuase he gave all his maintenance to the mother so could she drop him off and pick him up-when he chose

he now only sees said child twice a year when theyre ar with gps

He earns 100k-his own dm told his new partner not to have children with him

Attitude84 · 26/09/2019 10:03

@RoyalChocolat I’d have gotten up, chucked his dinner over him and said neither have I, pack your shit and get out!!!!
What a horrible bastard.
You deserve better!!!

raspberryk · 26/09/2019 10:05

"How could you think I would like to eat this dinner? I would never order this in a restaurant"
News flash buddy you're not in a restaurant.

Farfarfaraway · 26/09/2019 10:06

Dont worry you will do find to be with you just just need to stop those seizures stopped first!!! Just been diagnosed with epilepsy and he did one.
Luckily met now DH six months later who was not phased by them at all. I was actually grateful to the seizures as he seemed a really nice bloke up until then and I was seriously thinking of a future with him

vampirethriller · 26/09/2019 11:48

The Lionel Richie man was forcing me to work on Adultwork, threatening to hurt my family if I didn't (he would absolutely have hurt them) and when I ran away he wrote a letter to the police, telling them I owed him money because I hadn't worked hard enough as a prostitute for him... He even put his bank details on it so they could pay him when they got the money from me!

Nat6999 · 26/09/2019 12:48

BusyDoingNothingx Yes I did report him but not for about 2 months, I was in shock & left him a week after he did it. It never got to court, the CPS didnt think the evidence was strong enough to get a prosecution because I was still speaking to him. I only spoke to him because I was being forced to by the family courts.

onefootinthegrave · 26/09/2019 13:08

Nat699 Flowers

I had something similar. After he raped me he said I could just 'add it to the list of things he'd already done to me'

NFA'd by the CPS, not re-opened even after he broke his bail conditions.

The justice system really has to answer to some awful decisions Sad

Luckybe40 · 26/09/2019 16:55

spidersonmyceiling what a fucking knob!!Grin

BenWillbondsPants · 26/09/2019 17:11

After a massive row, he told me he was going to tell his dad on me. 😂

Purplejay · 26/09/2019 18:09

She’s just a friend ( Oh right )

I only ever wanted to be friends with her but you wouldn't have accepted that so I had to have a relationship with her ( WTF )

Aren’t we silly (that we are still apart) (no, I am not silly not to want you back, f off) 😀

Amouse1 · 26/09/2019 18:11

"I will train you to apologise as you really struggle with that"

BatmanLovesTheCircus · 26/09/2019 18:15

@BenWillbondsPants was his name Draco Malfoy?

yellowallpaper · 26/09/2019 18:56

He accused me (screaming and ranting) of having an affair with a total stranger who was decorating our house. I was resting in bed following discharge from hospital for threatened miscarriage.

Fucker never even apologised.

MummyMayo1988 · 27/09/2019 09:52

When I was 16 my first proper BF was a little bit possessive. He was 18. I was stupid, 'in love' and thought I knew best. Looking back there was lots of little things he said/did that were horrible. Including cheating on me with another - very aggressive - girl. The one that really stayed with me tho was;
"Dont wear your hair up, it makes you look ugly; like a man"

Even now; at 31 I hate to wear my hair up and often have it cut into a very short style so I cant actually put it up. My DH loves me to bits and doesn't care how I wear my hair but that comment really shook me.