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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He bought a motorbike knowing my feelings

223 replies

Har23 · 22/09/2019 18:16

So for years I have told my husband my concerns regarding the safety of bikes. He said he's love one but I made it quite clear i wouldn't allow a bike in our home. I'm very aware of the dangers of bikes having worked in the emergency services I see first hand the carnage.

Today he arrived at my place of work to surprise me. He arrived with a motor bike. Aibu to have blown my top and sent him away with a red ear. He never said he was buying a bike today.

OP posts:
Marzipane · 22/09/2019 18:19

He's an adult, he can choose his own hobbies. I understand your worries, though.

Ariela · 22/09/2019 18:22

Make sure he only ever rides in full leathers, including gloves and boots.
I cannot stand watching kids in shorts on motorbikes, makes me cringe thinking of the gravel rash...

Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 22/09/2019 18:22

He's an adult. As a biker I understand your concerns 100% having had a few crashes.

However you are not his keeper.

MrsMaiselsMuff · 22/09/2019 18:23

If he wants a bike and he can afford it, that is his choice.

Is this part of bigger issues with your marriage?

IsobelRae23 · 22/09/2019 18:24

I spent years going only on ex’sbike with him, I loved it!! So probably the wrong one to ask.

Tilltheendoftheline · 22/09/2019 18:24

I totally get your concerns. My dp has a motorbike. Also he shouldnt have turned up at work with it, knowing you would be annoyed.

But yabu. He is a grown man. Knows the risks and has decided to get one.

Money clearly isn't the issue as you havent mentioned it all. I have some risky hobbies and would tell dp to piss off if he tried to ban me from doing it.

Original poster
Har23 · 22/09/2019 18:25

I appreciate he's an adult with his own mind and I'm not his keeper, however I am the keeper of his children who are so worried about his new purchase. My 7 year old thinks he is going to die. He still went ahead with it

OP posts:
Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 22/09/2019 18:25

Yes definately full leathers including gloves.
Actually op maybe discuss having a tracker do you don't need to worry.
Sounds odd but me and my OH have them purely because he drives at night for work. If I'm worried that he hasn't called I can see where he is.

MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours · 22/09/2019 18:27

does he have his bike licence? Proper safety gear, good bikering, and not riding like a prick are the best things to do...is he the sort to have a need for speed??

dh has had bikes on and off, and I go pillion, he is a good rider and doesn't take chances

Original poster
Har23 · 22/09/2019 18:27

It's not about the money it's his, he works hard for it and can spend it as he chooses. It's the safety concerns that I am worried about

OP posts:
Cillmantain · 22/09/2019 18:27

YABU
He is a grown man.
I can understand your concerns but you cannot forbid him to get a bike

Biker47 · 22/09/2019 18:27

Nothing wrong with motorbikes.

nocoolnamesleft · 22/09/2019 18:28

There's a reason they're called donorcycles.

Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 22/09/2019 18:29

That's pretty worrying that a 7 Yr old thinks someone with a motorbike will die. Where did that come from OP?

TooManyPaws · 22/09/2019 18:29

He's an adult. You can't forbid him from doing anything or singlehandedly ban a motorbike from your home. He's not your toy to control.

The only thing you can do is stop going off the deep end because he's behaved like an independent adult and calmly make sure that he has the best protective kit and training possible. Calm discussion is more likely to have results than a toddler tantrum on your part.

Frankly, the more another adult attempts to control me, the more likely I am to do it as a metaphorical two fingers. You might want to consider this in future.

bluebeck · 22/09/2019 18:30

but I made it quite clear i wouldn't allow a bike in our home

I am surprised he married /had children with you if you are that dictatorial Smile

Sorry but you are BU. This is an adult partner you are talking about, yes?

Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 22/09/2019 18:30

Actually rereading my last post don't be offended op. It's not meant as it sounds.

TooManyPaws · 22/09/2019 18:30

That's pretty worrying that a 7 Yr old thinks someone with a motorbike will die. Where did that come from OP?

Probably the OP.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/09/2019 18:30

i wouldn't allow a bike in our home but you have no right to make a unilateral decision like that.

My 7 year old thinks he is going to die I wonder where they've got that idea from...

EL8888 · 22/09/2019 18:31

I would be raging if l was you. Especially as one of my friends died in a motorcycle accident this week. He was only 37, leaves a little boy and his wife

MrsMozartMkII · 22/09/2019 18:31

Decent proper bike boots, gloves, helmet, and leathers.

I did 15k miles on a bike in 6 months. Was necessary at the time. Nobody in the family was too chuffed, however I survived.

Maybe he thought talking with you was never going to result in a positive for him outcome.

Shoxfordian · 22/09/2019 18:31

He could die crossing the road
Yabu

Tilltheendoftheline · 22/09/2019 18:32

My 7 year old thinks he is going to die. He still went ahead with it

Are you suggesting that he lives his life according to the misguided anxiety of a 7 year old.

At 7 my daughter though a knife with the tag line 'sharpest knife in the world' was definitely cause me a bad injury and couldnt be in the kitchen when it was out. I still uses it. She is 17 and fine.

Cant help but wonder who has told him all people on motorbikes die.

Tilltheendoftheline · 22/09/2019 18:33

@EL8888 with all due respect, what has that got to do with Ops husband buying one?

Original poster
Har23 · 22/09/2019 18:33

Toomanypaws.... U say he's not my you to control. This is not about control. Also he's adult enough to get his own safety gear and ensure it's "adequate ".

Are u implying that I could have possibly put that idea in to my child's head that her dad could die on a bike.... I'm not going to even justify you with an answer. It doesn't take a genius to work out there dangerous

OP posts: