He bought a motorbike knowing my feelings

[Har23]

So for years I have told my husband my concerns regarding the safety of bikes. He said he's love one but I made it quite clear i wouldn't allow a bike in our home. I'm very aware of the dangers of bikes having worked in the emergency services I see first hand the carnage.

Today he arrived at my place of work to surprise me. He arrived with a motor bike. Aibu to have blown my top and sent him away with a red ear. He never said he was buying a bike today.

Work in a trauma bay or Trauma Critical care unit and you'll see the "lucky" motorbike survivors mangled on the road and reassembled by surgeons-it's horrific. Some of the bike riders were reckless and some were careful but a bike vs a car or vs a truck and bike rider loses always.

But you don't see the thousands of bikers who don't have or never have an accident.

Doctors and nurses and people who work in departments are all guilty of this kind of statement , we forget that actually we see a tiny % of the population and what we do see are unfortunate. Trampolines are another one, so many "they keep paeds busy" comments.

Thank you all for your comments. All views are understandable and appreciated well some😂 . Ive spent enough time on the topic now. It's time to go and tell my husband to go to bed it's way past his time.😋

I've been more damaged by my hobby (horses), and once broke my leg / ankle by tripping down a less than 2" step.

And another OP flounces...

@MrsMozartMkII I managed to badly break my coccyx while putting my running trainers on, I think most accidents happen at home!

I know someone who died falling down the stairs. Doesn’t mean I and everyone I know stopped walking down stairs. And certainly no one then moved into a bungalow as a result. But that’s the message your dc would pick up from in that scenario

Until you have seen first hand the devastating impact coming off a bike can and has on families, you won't know nor can you genuinely know or appreciate what you are commenting on. I hope you will never have to see it or understand it. But if you do remember the views you protrayed on to others.

I'm with you. As PP have said yes he's an adult, can make his own choices, has assessed the risk, etc. But... it's so dangerous! DH had one a few years ago and it nearly ended our marriage. To me it was utterly selfish, taking unnecessary risk and spending lots of money and time on an indulgence when we had a young family. I was scared every time he went out on it.

Only read your posts , OP.
Can i ask how old your husband is and if he is accustomed to bikes?

Sorry, if i missed one.

He is 35. Has never had a bike before and landed with a powerful bike today.

Then he is bluddy stupid.
But, I presume you knew had his license or taking one?

From what I see on the road, if he's careful enough he should be ok. It's the twats who overtake with incoming traffic and change lanes in heavy traffic without warning, or overspeed, that are the problem.
Having said that, I know someone who slipped on his bike at lowish speed and broke his arm. But someone else broke his arm in 3 different places just by running to catch a bus. Not sure what to make of it.

YANBU. I would be exactly the same. Dangerous hobbies aren’t suitable for parents - if you have people who depend on you then you just don’t get a dangerous hobby like motorcycling in my opinion.

I wouldn't care if i came over controlling or not, motorbikes are inherent with risks.

My brothers into bikes from early age, they built up to the big bikes.
Still, they all had nasty accidents. And not their fault.

Other car drivers.

OP what CC is the bike?

And this can't be a huge shock, if it's his first bike he'd have had to pass his CBT, Theory Test and both parts of the practical tests.

Look I understand how crossing the road etc can result in accidents. But I'm looking at the bigger picture. No I wasn't aware. He took lessons without saying it. But sure why would he tell his controlling wife😂 he might be able to ride this bike perfectly, but he can't control other road users

I've seen the devastating impact.I've lost a cousin (who had a 2 week old son at the time) and a best friend (18 years old) to motorbikes.

If DH came home with one I'd be worried, but I'd feign happiness for him because thats clearly something he wants to do.

I understand the fear. My DH rides. (Cruiser sort of bike not fast sport bike type). It makes him happy. He had a minor accident nearly two years ago, wet leaves on road and had ligament damage to his knee. I get worried when he's not home when he's supposed to be (even though he's work hours vary greatly day to day). I got a major panic a couple of months back when is was due to be riding 40mile trip on the Autobahn and his bike wasn't parked outside his office a few hours later. Turned out to be a flat battery but it was scary for me.

But as much as I want to, I can't make him give it up. No more than I can stop him doing his risky job, going skiing, or even crossing a road.

I've had worse injuries than him in silly accidents like climbing over a fence or picking my child up from preschool.b

I've always said to DH that I wouldn't ever live with a biker, a smoker or a GTA player. If he decided to take up one of those activities, that's entirely his call, it's also my call on whether I want to be married to someone who does that.

There is a good compromise, OP:

He can do track days, where you ride on a specific track - far less danger and ALL the fun. He'll meet other riders and get tips on technique. Ideal if he's a new rider, and it'll mean he can learn how to better control his bike in safe conditions.

You say he has a trailer so it'd be easy for him to transport the bike to/from the track.

My DH can recommend a few if you'd like.

Until you have seen first hand the devastating impact coming off a bike can and has on families, you won't know nor can you genuinely know or appreciate what you are commenting on. I hope you will never have to see it or understand it. But if you do remember the views you protrayed on to others

I’ve seen it. I’ve been the wife, holding everything together for years while he recovered. I’ve also seen his mood dip and him become close to suicidal as he thought he’d never ride again.
I’ve asked him not to get another bike, argued and fallen out with him over it. Then I stepped back and saw what it was doing to him. He bought another bike. I got over it.

You are not being unreasonable to be worried.
You are being unreasonable to lay down the law to a grown man.
You are being unreasonable to pass that fear onto your child.
You are not being unreasonable to be pissed off that he bought it without discussion (unless you shut down his attempts to discuss it with you because, you know...controlling).

Yabu! Of course bikes are dangerous, as Is playing rugby and riding horses (both of which are statistically more likely to injure yourself doing so than riding motorbikes). I think you are zoning in on the risks and not actually being realistic. If you liked horse riding, would you be happy with your dh telling you, you couldn't do it? id not take likely to someone fell in me i wasn't allowed to do something. Fuck that!

I’m with you OP. As far as I am concerned when my DH married me and we chose to have two children it becomes both of our responsibility to stay safe as much as possible. Yes you can die crossing the road but bike riders are 200x more likely to have a fatal accident than car drivers. So both of us should reduce our risky unnecessary behaviour because leaving our children without a parent for an unnecessary hobby is selfish.

I don’t think it’s fair to blame the OP for worrying her child given that her views would have been expressed at a time when her DH didn’t have a bike and as far as she knew had no plans to get one. I’ve expressed my opinions strongly on the dangers of smoking in front of my DC. If DH then took up smoking would I be to blame if they were worried?

Has anyone seen the malcolm in the middle episode on this subject?

Lois: NO MOTORCYCLES 😡😡😡😡😡