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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He bought a motorbike knowing my feelings

223 replies

Har23 · 22/09/2019 18:16

So for years I have told my husband my concerns regarding the safety of bikes. He said he's love one but I made it quite clear i wouldn't allow a bike in our home. I'm very aware of the dangers of bikes having worked in the emergency services I see first hand the carnage.

Today he arrived at my place of work to surprise me. He arrived with a motor bike. Aibu to have blown my top and sent him away with a red ear. He never said he was buying a bike today.

OP posts:
Original poster
Har23 · 22/09/2019 18:52

Let's be realistic here people. In a car you've got some protection, whether it works in your favour or not that's another thing. On a bike you have nothing except a pair of "leathers and gloves and helmet" no matter the cost they come an apart like plastic in an impact. Or wait now for u all to tell me I'm wrong there to

OP posts:
Caucho · 22/09/2019 18:53

I’m with the majority. I appreciate you put your stall out early so he’s went against that but at the same time have to go along with the he’s an adult.

I was more sympathetic before you mentioned your 7 old being worried he’ll die. I’m assuming this is almost entirely down to you. Now you’re trying to use this as emotional blackmail ammunition. If you care for your kids mental welfare you shouldn’t be putting daddy is going to die concerns into their heads. Of course they’re going to be scared but that’s your fault

MulticolourMophead · 22/09/2019 18:53

OP, whether you want to believe it or not, your children will pick up on your attitudes to bikes. Children usually know more than their parents think they do.

And as for the neighbour's accident, your attitudes won't have been spoken to your DH in a locked vault.

I left a 30 year relationship after suffering under someone as controlling and dictatorial as you.

Original poster
Har23 · 22/09/2019 18:54

Bored with the controlling comments now.

OP posts:
lunar1 · 22/09/2019 18:55

Fair enough to be concerned, but you sound incredibly controlling.

Marzipane · 22/09/2019 18:55

You can all hammer the keyboards all you like and try make it out that I'm the bad one here

Hmm

There's no good/bad, you seem to think in extreme black and white OP. You asked here in AIBU and some agree with you, some don't, but everyone understands your concern.

You just can't control another adult's choice, it doesn't matter if your concerns are well founded or not.

Original poster
Har23 · 22/09/2019 18:56

As I said bored!!!! I'm not bothered by the people who think I'm controlling and dictatorial. But he and I know I'm not and that's why we have a happy marriage and happy kids. But knock yourself out thinking I am

OP posts:
Franklymydearidontgiveadam · 22/09/2019 18:57

My dp got his bike last year, he is his own person therefor his choice.

I love my DPs motorbike. We go on it together all the time. Exhilarating and get time spent together... Plus he is very sensible.

Give him a break. They are great if your sensible and wear all the correct gear.

TooManyPaws · 22/09/2019 18:59

OP - AIBU?
Replies - Yes. Feelings, No; Actions, Yes.
OP - No, I'm not! Stamp, wahhhh, next action no doubt to run away.

Why ask if you don't like the answer and refuse to see it? 😂

SeaSidePebbles · 22/09/2019 19:00

I hate motorbikes. But that’s my issue.
The fact that he came with it at your work, didn’t consult you on the purchase and went behind your back, if he was mine, he’d have sealed his fate. He would seriously be out of my life that instant.

Original poster
Har23 · 22/09/2019 19:00

No some people just thrive on zoning in on things. I don't and won't be running anywhere.

OP posts:
HavelockVetinari · 22/09/2019 19:01

YANBU - motorbikes are not just like any other hobby. They are expensive, time consuming and dangerous. So many people are injured or killed riding them. It's fine if both partners agree. DH has one, he's done advanced courses, I trust him but not other drivers on the road so am still nervous when he goes out even though he doesn't use it in winter or wet weather. He also has top of the range body armour and gets it serviced religiously. However, he would sell it immediately if I asked and we have extremely comprehensive life and disability insurance.

I'm currently expecting DC2 and he's going to sell the bike of his own accord this winter, it's too dangerous despite all the precautions.

Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 22/09/2019 19:02

To be fair OP like I said I'm an Ex biker who has had a couple of accidents on bikes.
My sister had one car crash and passed away.

Statistics say I'm the one that should have died.

Breathlessness · 22/09/2019 19:02

‘They are great if your sensible and wear all the correct gear.’

None of that makes a difference when someone else, in a car or a van, causes an accident. The biker is the one whose body flies through the air and lands in the road.

You can’t stop him having a bike OP but you can expect him to get decent life insurance and income insurance in case of a serious accident.

Original poster
Har23 · 22/09/2019 19:03

Seesidepebbles. That is why I'm cross. He deliberately done that. As I said he can do what he likes. He could have said that was his plan for the day. Not show up with it on in a trailer

OP posts:
MrsMaiselsMuff · 22/09/2019 19:03

No some people just thrive on zoning in on things

You mean, like you and motorbike accidents?

Marzipane · 22/09/2019 19:04

that's why we have a happy marriage

Have you forgiven him about what he said about your sex life, then? I remember you from your other threads.

Newsheet · 22/09/2019 19:05

There is no way on earth a 7 year old thinks like that without having been heavily influenced by you. Where would they even get the idea from without having overheard conversations you were having?

Also, he is an adult. He can do what he wants without you dictating to him.

SleepingStandingUp · 22/09/2019 19:05

Bored with the controlling comments now then be less controlling

adaline · 22/09/2019 19:05

If you don't care what people think, why post on here?

He's a grown adult who can do whatever he likes with his money. Buying a motorbike isn't illegal.

You say you're pissed off with how he went about it, but you've already said you "wouldn't let one in your house" so maybe he decided you'd be pissed off regardless, so he'd just go ahead anyway.

Original poster
Har23 · 22/09/2019 19:06

Ye it what happens. U discuss things with your partner. I'm glad u went back and read my thread. More should follow before the keyboard warriors join in

OP posts:
VladmirsPoutine · 22/09/2019 19:06

Yabu. JFC! Do you also dictate his food/water intake??

Biancadelrioisback · 22/09/2019 19:06

You are completely unreasonable to have blown your top and sent him away with a red ear. You don't get to blow your top with someone just because you don't like something. Whether you like it or not, it is controlling and childish.

adaline · 22/09/2019 19:07

U discuss things with your partner

But you've already made your feelings on it pretty clear - what would a "discussion" actually achieve?

Tilltheendoftheline · 22/09/2019 19:08

I am not dictatorial. I just don't want my son to be around them. dictatoral well then so be it.

So you arent but you are so be it?

@EL8888 but your friend dying last week has no bearing on the decision the ops husband.

OP you and your dh need to explain that sometimes people have accidents. Doesnt mean his dad is going to die.

My uncle dies crossing the road. I sont let the kids believe it happens to everyone who crosses roads.